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Erotic Adventures and Democratic Community

Dr. (Ms.) Michael S. Whitt

    Professor Amanda Rosaleigh Blake turned twenty-seven in May l994. Her four year marriage to Jason Ward was shaky to say the least. The tall, lithe curly headed beauty was no longer able to see it lasting until ‘death do us part.’ Actually from the time this relationship became a serious part of her life, Amanda had known that she was gradually ceasing to believe in conventional monogamy. Marriage held together by legalities and religious precepts was losing its appeal. However, the rational part of her denied these doubts and there was pressure from Jason, friends, and from older folks who thought they were a ‘perfect couple.’ Soon she became ashamed that she had entered into a monogamous relationship with him. The changes in her feelings and perspectives regarding marriage and male-female relationships deepened her commitment to all the great feminist causes.
    She loved Jason, but not enough to be exclusive with him or with anyone else. She chided herself regarding her denials and reminded herself that she was a grown woman twenty-three years old when she made the colossal mistake of committing to conventional monogamy. What Amanda was forgetting is that in this complex day and age adolescence is prolonged into the twenties. Twenty-five is probably a more realistic age to be considered grown up. Her girl friends were also suffering from shaky marriages and were busy getting divorced, but nearly always it was because their husbands were cheating on them. This made her feel rather odd since she was the one doing the cheating. Amanda had extra-marital sexual relationships in the past couple of years. The last time began in December, l993. The relationship was with her colleague and friend, Dr. Charles Riley. Amanda and Charley were associate and assistant professors respectively at Central Alabama University in Gold Hill. She had no idea that just around the corner awaited a wonderful and passionate relationship which would teach her and her lover the experience of true erotic love.
    The deceptions went against Amanda’s ethical sense. Moreover, they were blocking any progress toward her goal of open and honest relationships. She knew it was past time to talk seriously and openly about these matters. Yet, she dreaded dealing with Jason’s fears and insecurities. She was not sure from where they came. He was an attractive brunette, six feet tall with a firm athletic body. However, since they had married, Jason’s attitudes and actions involved repeated failed attempts to control Amanda’s erotic behaviors. Amanda felt these attempts at control were indications of the fears and doubts.
    She insisted that her orgasms were as important as his, even if she did mostly get them in different ways. Amanda knew this strongly irked Jason, who was not exactly up to date on these issues. When the topic came up he gritted his teeth, squinted his eyes, and his hands shook. This amused Amanda and made her more determined to get what she knew was her due. She told him bluntly that if she had no orgasm, neither would he. He told her there was something wrong with women who did not most often have orgasms during intercourse, which was the proper way. Since she usually had them with other forms of stimulation, this included her. When the orgasm happened in the ‘right’ way, he thought, the woman could ‘feel an egg drop.’ He seriously told Amanda this ‘jewel’ of wisdom.
    “I have no serious sexual problems,” Jason informed her as they lay together after one of their anemic encounters. Amanda rolled her eyes as she knew from bitter experience that he was ignorant of female sensitivities and feelings. Amanda tried to tell him calmly about that of which he was absurdly ignorant. One of those several times was after she had a huge laughing spell. She had to excuse herself saying she needed to go to the bathroom. Instead, she went to a place as far away as she could get from the bedroom sound wise, the carport. He had no clue as to why she would laugh at him or any capacity to understand an explanation.
    When she came back Amanda told him, “Scores of studies have established that the clitoris is central to the female orgasm. This research and female experience show your beliefs to be false and misguided. The clitoris is located at the upper part of the genitals; the vagina is situated in the lower part. The clitoris becomes engorged with blood like the penis; the little button is analogous to the male hard. I hope you’re hearing me. You’re pitifully ignorant of female anatomy and make little effort to improve. You ought to read some of the research. You resent what I insist upon in sexual contact for my health and pleasure even though it is important and good for you too. Sometimes a woman has an orgasm during intercourse. If the clitoris is stimulated enough by hand and/or mouth, the penis can be sufficient to indirectly trigger an orgasm. Men who fail to grasp these truths are often dumped.”
    When calm explanation had little effect, Amanda told him more loudly his ideas were Victorian, passé, and sexist. Amanda also told him he was more concerned with the futile task of proving his penis’s skill than he was with her health and pleasure. She knew it was time to speak soberly about these matters. Once things were open, if Jason’s resentment, jealousy, and resistance to learning about the female body continued, divorce was the only choice. When she and Charley got together for the third time early in winter quarter, l994, Amanda told Jason about her cheating. By the time she finished, Jason’s face was contorted in a look of hatred toward her. This showed up in his glaring eyes which narrowed to small slits. His mouth was stiffened into a similar narrow slit. Hatred is what he felt toward this lovely woman with the long dark reddish-brown hair.
    He screamed, “You’ve ruined my life, you selfish bitch-whore. How could you do this to me? You think only of yourself, you slut. You don’t love me.” Jason was shaking all over. He reached for a bottle of hand lotion in a hard plastic container on a table in their bedroom and threw it at Amanda. It hit her under her left eye, leaving a wound. Amanda had not expected such a violent reaction, although she was not totally surprised. The aggressive gesture made her livid. She literally saw red.
    She walked up to Jason, who was only an inch taller than she was, and said, “Jason, if you ever do anything like that to me again, I’ll have you arrested for felony assault. That’s what you’re guilty of.” Then Amanda gathered all of the strength she had and slapped his face. His expression changed from one of anger and hatred to one of shock and disbelief. Amanda wondered if he thought she was going to allow him to get away with his violent act.
    Amanda later said, “the extra-marital experiences I had were due in large part to your erotic ignorance, and have brought to fruition changes in me which began before our marriage. Your ignorance and neglect of my pleasure have been there from the beginning. I no longer believe in mechanical monogamy based upon legal and religious rules. I have no intention of going back. I’m not in love with any one else, but an open relationship is the healthiest alternative for me. I’m truly sorry for the dishonesty, but the loud abusive reaction was not something I sought. Were you less fearful and insecure, our communication would be far better. Incidentally, every extra marital lover I had included oral sex. Every time I had oral sex done on me, I had enormous orgasms; just as I did the one stingy time you did it on me.” This happened a few weeks before they were married. Amanda watched Jason’s face pale with fear when she related this. He felt shaken to his core. He began doing oral sex regularly. The one time he did it on her before it was obvious she had a powerfully pleasurable orgasm. They were in a romantic place on a lake a few miles from the Florida citrus village which was Amanda’s birth place.
    Jason seemed to want to kill the wonderfully intense and deeply pleasurable feelings of the orgasm by saying, “I don’t why I did that.” Amanda knew he resented any pleasure he gave her. He may have assumed correctly that she experienced many of his erotic actions as repetitive and boring. His resentment may have been partly because many men found her beautiful and desirable. He often thought angrily of the many times attractive young men looked at her with longing in their eyes.
    Amanda reminded him of his previously unkind remark and countered it with, “I thought the oral sex was wonderful. You’re insensitive words were geared to ruin it for me. They didn’t work. You enjoy trashing good feelings. You have psycho-sexual problems.”
    “I have problems? Well, I’ll improve if you will.”
    “You’ll need to be more specific than that about my alleged need for improvement besides my having orgasms mostly during oral or manual stimulation. The research doesn’t support that as a problem, but as normality. I gave you several such examples. I deserve some.” Amanda had few sexual problems. She had worked through most growth inhibiting erotic habits in college.
    Instead of responding to Amanda’s request, Jason railed against open relationships, “They never work out. Humans weren’t meant for such arrangements. They can’t deal with them in the end.”
    “How do you know they never work? Whom do you know whose open relationship failed?” He was unable to respond. “Your arguments are full of holes. Like most relationships, some open ones work; others fail.” At length when he realized she was not going to back down, he grudgingly accepted open relationships as a reality.
    A couple of weeks later in early September, Amanda was in her office on the fourth floor of Haley Center, a ten story building which housed the offices of the arts and sciences and education professors and administrators and provided most of the classrooms for their students. She was looking in a file cabinet in preparation for a fall teaching assignment. Suddenly she felt a strong erotic presence. She turned around to see a beautiful young man. He smiled when she turned toward him.
    “Hello,” he said.
    “Hi,” she responded, “Can I help you with something?”
    “Well, I just came to introduce myself. I’m Eric Landreneau, a second year doctoral student in science education. I’ve been on the floor several times as I took the educational psychology course from Dr. Gambol and the beginning statistics and research course from Dr. Miller during the previous winter and spring quarters respectively.”
    “It’s good to meet you Eric. I’m Amanda Blake. I’m surprised I haven’t noticed you before. It may be because I’m not really fond of this milieu. I’m nearly always in a hurry to get away from it, except for when I have student appointments.”
    “I can understand your not being fond of the floor. Some of the folks up here aren’t totally appealing.”
    Amanda laughed heartily at his perceptive comment. It was contagious. He joined in the laughter. As the two talked for a few more minutes, they were both highly aware that their feelings for each other were strong. Their facial expressions and other body language communicated this. At the end of their talk he squeezed her arm softly.
    She whispered, “That feels so good. By the way you are from Louisiana, and your name is obviously of French origin. Is your background Cajun?”
    He smiled and replied, “That’s right on target, Amanda. I knew you were smart as soon as I looked at you. I’d better go and let you finish your tasks. I hope to see you again soon, quite soon.”
    That comment made her wonder if he knew something she did not. She dismissed that thought as wishful thinking. However, surprisingly enough, it turned out to be the case. A few days later Lena Miller, a colleague of Amanda’s introduced Jason to Eric, a man whom Amanda already knew was a gorgeous, slender man with lovely thick black hair and a smooth olive complexion. She introduced them both to his wife Michelle. She was an attractive petite woman with short reddish-brown hair and striking green eyes. Lena invited the two couples to dinner at her apartment Friday night. These gatherings became a regular thing as friendships were formed among the five of them.
    The next one was at the Landrenaeu’s. That night Jason and Amanda turned their new friends on to reefer. Lena, also an experienced smoker, was there and joined Amanda and Jason who stayed with them until 6 A.M. Lena was a bright and witty woman with pretty blue eyes and lovely naturally curly brown hair cut short. She was almost obese. Soon Amanda and Michelle shared their opinions that they did not see how she could allow herself to stay at that weight. It was unhealthy and she would be incredibly gorgeous if she was more slender. It was almost as if she feared revealing her natural beauty. She obviously ate too much, and the sickest aspect of it was that no one ever saw her do it. Just as there are closet alcoholics, there are closet over-eaters. But as Walt Whitman said in his Leaves of Grass, the overeaters do not conceal themselves, because they cannot do so. No one said anything, but everybody knew.
    Throughout the evening Eric and Amanda met in the kitchen for stolen kisses and caresses. Eric was extremely attracted to this tall, slender beauty with turquoise eyes and long curly hair. The feelings were mutual. The couples and sometimes Lena began to do other things together. They took rides in the country, and went to a lively Elton John Concert. They also had many intimate conversations.
    Jason and Amanda awoke at two P.M. the day after the reefer experience. The Landreneaus soon called somewhat freaked out at the seeming rapid pace of things which apparently was related to their stoning experiences. They asked their friends to do something ‘ordinary’ with them like go to Shoney’s, a local restaurant where people used to meet for coffee, snacks, and casual meals. Amanda and Jason were happy to oblige. Lena joined them on the trip to Shoney’s.
     On Monday afternoon while Jason was at his teaching job in Industrial Arts at Opalocka High School, Eric called Amanda and asked, “May I come over to talk about the feelings between us.” Opalocka was Gold Hill’s twin city.
    “By all means Sweetheart.” When he entered the kitchen-den in Amanda’s house neither of them could ignore the strong erotic feelings that existed between them. They were both tempted to rush into each others arms, but they postponed the inevitable until things could be worked out.
    After the two talked for a short time, Eric asked, “Is a relationship between us possible given the thing with Charley?”
    “If Michelle is alright with it, a relationship between us is definitely possible.”
    “She’ll go along.”
    “Eric, when I became honest with Jason, I knew I no longer believed in mechanical monogamy. I’m not going backwards. My feelings for you are strong. I’m ready to act upon them. If he objects that’s too bad. I don’t think he will since he has feelings for Michelle. Does she have them for him?
    “Yes she does and that’s good because I’m strongly attracted to you.”
    “The feelings are mutual.”
    “I’m happy you have feelings for me your willing to act upon. You’re beautiful in everyway.”
    “You’re a gorgeous man. I’ll talk to Jason before we get together on Thursday night. As a matter of fact I’ll talk to him when he comes home today.”
    When Jason arrived home, Amanda greeted him, “Hi Sweetheart, Did you have a good day?”
    “It wasn’t bad, Amanda.”
    “I had a visit from Eric today. We discussed the strong erotic feelings between us.”
    “Yeah.”
    “Is that all you have to say.”
    “Uh Huh.”
    “Good grief that certainly is truncated.”
    “Yeah.”
    “Look here, you might as well cut out the passive aggressive games. These have become old and boring. The feelings between us are as they are. Besides I have insistent intuitions that there are erotic attractions between you and Michelle. Grow up and own them.”
    Jason was silent.
    Thursday night Jason and Michelle owned their mutual feelings after a delicious dinner of chicken-seafood gumbo and home baked bread at the Landreneaus’ house. Amanda, Jason, Lena, and a few other friends were invited. After everyone left except for Jason and Amanda, erotic energies were high. Eric and Amanda moved quickly to embrace each other on a rug against the wall. Eric’s hand went immediately into Amanda’s sweater. He began caressing her firm teacup shaped and sized breasts. They felt amazingly good. He knew they would. He saw those beauties once when they were into secret caressing and kissing. Her well toned body against his equally trim and firm one felt heavenly to them both. Amanda was caressing Eric everywhere her long arms would reach. The two were more turned on than they ever had been. They kissed frequently and hungrily. Jason and Michelle, lying on the couch, were kissing and hugging passionately. They were lying on the couch alternatively side by side and on top of each other.
    The situation bore no resemblance to those ‘key club’ or ‘wife swapping’ arrangements some ‘swingers’ were into. The difference in this case was there were no ‘arrangements.’ Now Amanda hoped they would make love side by side. She realized that communication, trust, and understanding would be greatly enhanced if they could, especially since it was all spontaneous, unplanned, and communal. Amanda was jolted out of her dream of democratic community when fear apparently gripped Michelle. The other two should have seen that this was a fundamental and dangerous flaw in Michelle that they needed to guard against. They simply more or less observed the situation passively, a fatal mistake for democratic community.
    Amanda heard Michelle say “I think we’re going to have to post pone this.” What utter madness, Amanda thought. Why can’t she see what she is doing to this little community? Why can’t she perceive the separation, the opportunities for mistrust, and the missed opportunities for communication she is creating?”
    “What is it?’ Amanda asked impatiently with an edge of irritation in her voice.
    “Manda, what if the children wake up and catch us making love? What’ll we tell them?”
    “We need to stop looking at this possibility as ‘catching us’ doing something naughty.” Amanda looked at the men’s faces which now expressed a combination of irritation and confusion. Reinforced she continued, “We won’t have to deal with Phillip since he is not yet walking. Elizabeth is one of the most creative and brilliant children I’ve ever known. Were she my daughter, I’d hope she did wake up and find us all in a state of love. I would tell her that making love in this fashion expands the circle of love that you, Jason, Eric and I are a part. We could explain that all four of us fell in love all the way around in a circle in which we, she, and Phillip abide.”
    Eric said, “Amanda, those are wonderful things to say to Liz.”
    “Ditto,” Jason said. “I think she would be delighted with them. That is lovely to make it inclusive of Liz and Phillip and, of course, utterly necessary.”
    “Amanda and you guys, I love you. And you are probably right, but I can’t handle it right now.”
    “Did you ever stop to think, Michelle,” Amanda said, “that you are cheating Elizabeth out of opportunities to develop healthy attitudes toward human sexuality. Neither she nor any other child is born with any attitudes toward sexuality. These attitudes, the directions they take, etc., come from social interactions, first with parents and other close adults. Later, other children enter the picture along with teachers and others. Liz is five now so she has already picked up some attitudes toward sex. I don’t know what they are but they aren’t fixed and rigid yet.”
    “I know Amanda, but I still maintain I can’t handle it.”
    Amanda muttered, “And of course you are the only one who matters,” Eric giggled softly. These two lovers were still in their embrace. Amanda realized sadly that the communication, understanding, trust, and love, which could have been developed among the four of them, had been smashed by Michelle’s cowardly fears and insecurities. These had tragically introduced secrecy, separation, opportunities for projections, and all of the negatives that making love together would have avoided. The others felt a dread at stopping, although only Amanda had figured the entire situation out at that time. Michelle remained brutally unrelenting and rigid. The worst aspect was that she was making an unconscious bid for control of the little democratic community.
    The next morning Eric called Amanda around 9 o’clock, “Hi Manda, this is Eric.”
    “Hi Eric, how are you on this fine September morning.”
    “I’ll be great if you say yes to my question.”
    “What is it sweet friend?” Amanda responded. She knew what was coming and was more than glad. Last night had left her, Eric and Jason with a nagging hunger.
    “May I come over there?”
    “I’ll be waiting with some music playing.”
     Amanda correctly surmised that Eric was anxious to make up for what he had missed the previous evening. The control trip Michelle was doing on them went out the window for a short time. Both of them became aware of it again when the encounter was nearing its end. In addition, Michelle had decided that she and Jason would get together Saturday afternoon at Lena’s apartment. Michelle had arranged for Lena to invite Amanda to go shopping in Montgomery so Lena would have some place to be and someone to be with. She made sure everything was in order according to her perceived specifications with more bossy, controlling behavior.
    Eric made it over quickly; he came on his little Hondo 100. Amanda heard him ride up. When Eric was inside the kitchen-den, the two began to embrace, caress, and kiss. These passions were of course especially strong. Soon Amanda led Eric to the king sized bed in the main bedroom. After more kissing and caressing, he entered her soft moist femininity. The two made love for more than an hour and a half before taking a coffee break.
    “I’m turned on to you more and more,” Eric said as he sipped his coffee.
    “Ditto sexy man.” In addition to their disappointment with Michelle’s control and manipulation, they were thinking when they were in the long process of saying goodbye that neither had gotten nearly enough of the other. The realization that they had been used and exploited last night temporarily overcame their hunger.
    “You know, Eric, your controlling and manipulative wife could destroy the lovely situation we have here. Anyone of us could be low down enough to do what she’s doing. I totally trust you, and I trust Jason more than I do Michelle, but I can see him getting sucked in to colluding with her in some destruction.”
    “God I know it Amanda. She doesn’t hesitate to use the children against me as one aspect of the destruction. I can’t bear to think of her destroying our democratic community, but she’s has already started; Had she allowed us to make love side by side trust, love, communication, and all sorts of other things would have been fostered. She effectively destroyed those possibilities.”
    “I’m glad you came to that realization on your own. I figured you would. I saw it happening last night. It hurt my heart. Now somehow I get the distinct impression that she has set time limits on our love making encounters.”
    “You are so intuitive. There are two hour time limits she alone set. I do not intend to respect them in any total way. It is already after eleven and I was here by nine. I’ll have to go in a little while or she’ll start calling, but I don’t intend to get home until 11:30. If the phone rings before I‘m out of here; or if you can for several minutes after I’m gone, don’t answer it.”
    “Good! This inserts a monkey wrench into her antics.”
    “You know the more controlling and manipulative she gets the less I feel for her erotically and the less I respect her.”
    “I know what you mean, sweet man. And it certainly would have made for more understanding had she let things take their course last night.”
    “Agreed. We were essentially manipulated by her. The three of us should have pitched a fit at what she wanted to do.”
    When Jason came home and Amanda told him of her morning’s activities, to her surprise he responded in the same old jealous way; She said, “What is your problem? You and Michelle are getting together tomorrow. In a way I can understand your behavior as asinine as it seems. You can tell me if this hits any chords within you. Neither Eric nor I are happy about the way Michelle manipulated and controlled the situation last night to keep us apart and to keep us from making love side by side. We both felt it introduced separation, the absence of communication, trust, love, and other positive aspects of what might have developed and promoted democratic community.”
    Jason said quickly, “Manda, I hadn’t thought of it that way. I completely missed that essential aspect of it. That has a lot to do with the negative reaction I had when you first told me about you and Eric. Please accept my apologies.”
    “I do, Jason. Her manipulation and control scare both Eric and me. We can see how she might destroy the lovely situation among the four of us. However, none of this means that you can’t enjoy your encounter at Lena’s apartment tomorrow. She’s already made the arrangements; more controlling behavior. And that includes arranging for me go to shopping in Montgomery with Lena so she will have something to do. Enjoy your time; just watch for indications of manipulation and control and try to stifle them.”
    Jason fell silent and began preparations for dinner. The Landreneaus, Lena, and some other friends were invited to dinner that night. Amanda and Jason prepared a delicious meal of boiled shrimp and home made cocktail sauce from a recipe Amanda created. They also had a huge chef salad including some vegetables from their fall garden: leaf lettuce, spinach leaves, carrots, green onions, broccoli, and florets of cauliflower. Jason also found an avocado at a Puerto Rican market to enhance the salad. Finally, they added Sharp Cheddar, Swiss, and Gouda cheeses, and ripe and green olives. Cuban bread and Devil’s Food Cake with gooey Seven Minute Icing and unsweetened dark chocolate drizzled on the icing for desert topped off the feast.
    Lena’s and Amanda’s shopping trip lasted several hours. They were in no hurry and it was a two hour round trip. Neither Lena nor Amanda was happy that they had been manipulated into going shopping although they enjoyed each other’s company. Amanda never ceased to be amazed at how Lena, although in her present physical state she could not be part of the erotic community, still had their best interests at heart. She took her weight problem as hers. That was rare. When Lena let Amanda out at her home, Jason was there.
    “Hi Jason,” Amanda said happily. “You seem high. Did you have a good first time with Michelle?”
    “It was really fine darling,” Jason answered. “I’ve been singing, it made me feel so good.”
    “You know what, Jason?”
    “What Manda.”
    “I can smell Michelle on you. That’s a turn on.”
    “That’s neat, but there’s something about it that worries me. I remembered what you said about watching for signs of manipulation and control. I think that one or both of them have put a time limit on our encounters. That is way too mechanical, but even worse she seemed to be trying to make Eric jealous or worry by being a little tardy. She wouldn’t leave until she was a bit late.”
    “They do have one. Eric told me about it yesterday. It was all Michelle’s idea to imposed a two hour time limit. He respected it so little he was half an hour late yesterday. He’ll know she was trying to get back at him and won’t worry. I think that’s a good thing. She was thwarted in her attempt to control.”
    After more encounters with Eric and some with Jason, Amanda faced a problematic surprise in early November. She was pregnant. A misogynist oby/gyn who Amanda saw in September told her she could not get pregnant because she had endometriosis. In retrospect she felt the sexist SOB was lying about the nature of her condition. It rattled him that Amanda did not want any children then, and that she might never want them. He had stretched the truth. He made it sound like Amanda had a much more serious case of endometriosis than she actually did. Thus she got pregnant fairly easily. Amanda planned to see Lena as soon as she lined up some reputable doctors to ask Lena to take her to Birmingham Friday for an abortion. Amanda called Shirley Gambol, a close friend and the wife of a colleague. Shirley gave Amanda two doctor’s names in Birmingham; she was the Head of East Alabama Mental Health’s Alcoholic Rehabilitation Program. She sometimes had to arrange abortions in her work. Once she even needed one for herself. She was in a fairly successful open relationship.
    Lena was happy to take Amanda to Birmingham. Amanda made the appointment on Friday as she preferred that Jason not be around. He was leaving Thursday evening for New York. He was going to an American Industrial Arts Board of Director’s Meeting. He held a place on the board when he was elected president of all the Industrial Arts College Clubs in the nation. Since he did not protest the arrangement, Amanda figured he was alright with it. Unlike Amanda He wanted a baby soon. This was one reason among several their marriage was shaky. When Amanda and Lena met at the office, she became a little upset with Amanda when the latter said, “Lena I’m not going to tell Michelle and Eric until the procedure is over.”
    Lena said, “Oh Amanda, I can’t help but think you’re wrong on this one. Isn’t excluding them on this the same as Michelle’s controlling and manipulative behaviors?” Amanda thought in silence, gosh I was thinking about not worrying them until it was over, but she’s right. It’s wrong to exclude them.
    A moment or two later she said, “Yes Sister.” Michelle was at the office at the time so Amanda told her first. As she sat in Amanda’s office she listened intently.
    At length she spoke. “Amanda, thank you for taking me into your confidence, and thank you especially for having the courage to get an abortion. Without that, we could run into all kinds of problems with respect to the way Eric feels about children. We might be stuck with each other forever.”
    “Really?” She was skeptical about Michelle’s judgment on that one. It turned out that Amanda’s perceptions regarding Eric’s attitudes toward children was much closer to the truth than Michelle’s. In the end it became apparent he cared far more about his erotic relationship with Amanda than he did regarding whether or not she was going to have an abortion.
    “Anyway, if I send Eric over to your house later, will you tell him? There’s no telling how he will react given his attitudes toward children. Would 8 o’clock be okay?” Amanda said that it was. That evening when he entered the door, a rush of erotic feelings drew them together in a sensual embrace of caressing and kissing. After some of that Amanda took him by the hand and led him into the living room. She could tell he was nervous.
    After stuttering and stammering around for a few moments Amanda blurted it out, “I’m pregnant, Eric. In the morning Lena is taking me to Birmingham for an abortion.”
    Michelle’s perceptions regarding the way Eric would react did not come close to his actual responses. She looked at his beautiful face when she told him she was pregnant and saw a flood of relief. His reply made her profoundly happy that his Catholic upbringing was in no way interfering with his dealing with the situation. It made her heart sing; at the same time it made her heart ache for him relating to the anguish he had been going through all day wondering what was going on regarding his relationship with her. No doubt Michelle with her controlling and manipulative ways had made things worse.
    “Gosh Amanda, thank goodness it’s only that. I was afraid you were going to tell me you didn’t want to make love with me any more.”
    With tears in her eyes Amanda said softly, “No way, Eric I want to make love with you now more than when we first started.” As the usual strong feelings took over, they went to the big bed. Except for a snack break, they made love until after eleven. No time limit had been set by Michelle. She had no idea they would make love. She, no doubt, thought Eric would be too upset about the baby, actually the fetus, and the abortion. Needless to say Amanda was delighted that Eric took advantage of Michelle’s error. She would probably be upset. Lena came as Eric left. She was staying the night with Amanda to facilitate getting out in the morning for the appointment.
    Amanda said, “Lena sweetheart, you timed your entrance perfectly, unless you wanted to make it a threesome.
    “You naughty girl!” Lena said laughing. “A voice told me not to fool with the magic. I was visiting my friend Emily Ames in Secondary Ed. It came to me when I started to leave earlier.”
    The next day after the simple painless first trimester procedure was over, Lena and Amanda went to a restaurant for breakfast. Even with that stop they were home by 2:30. Lena went with her in the house and made Amanda a bed on the living room couch. They hugged goodbye tightly. These two friends loved each other deeply.
    Amanda whispered, “Thanks for everything. You’ve been a life saver.”
    “No problem, girlfriend. Call me if you need anything at all.”
    “Okay, Love.”
    When Amanda went for her check up in January after the abortion in November, her new Oby-Gyn made an interesting discovery which could help other women. He found that on the side of the uterus which she got pregnant, the endometriosis was completely cleared up. For readers who do not know about the nature of this condition, the endometrial, a substance which is normally confined to the uterus somehow gets out onto the nearby by organic structures causing mild to severe pains. This Dr. was as progressive as the other sexist was reactionary. When he made his discovery he began to dance around the office with joy.
    “Oh Dr. Blake!” Dr. Harris exclaimed, “With this discovery I now see how I can cure the condition on the other side. You just need to completely suppress your periods tor a year by using birth control pills. This will simulate the condition of pregnancy as it is relevant to endometriosis.”
    “Dr. Harris, that is truly wonderful.” As Amanda and the doctor hugged goodbye, she suggested that he write the experience up in as a medical journal article since it was apparently not general medical knowledge.
    Less than an hour after Amanda arrived at home, Lena returned with a tearful Michelle who said, “Amanda I must admit I was shocked at Eric’s reaction to your pregnancy. My estimation of him was way off on pregnancy and abortion. I don’t know him as well as I thought I did. Last night made me realize that I was highly vulnerable to you and I don’t like it.”
    “Well Michelle, the other three of us didn’t like being vulnerable to your controlling and manipulative behavior, when you unilaterally, without consulting the rest of us, stopped our activities the other night when we were about to make love side by side. You were so closed minded you would not even consider the values for our community that might have ensued had we continued. Anyway Love, to be vulnerable is to be living. Otherwise, one is merely alive.”
    That settled the matter for then. However Amanda had hoped now that Jason and Michelle had been in a paranormal erotic community, they would stop their jealousy and control trips. Jason did for a while after the first time with Eric. Jason’s understanding of the destructiveness of Michelle’s controlling behavior went out the window after they related sexually for a while. As their relationship developed, the two began to put all sorts of silly projections on Eric’s and Amanda’s relationship. They seemed to be threatened that Eric and Amanda had such intense and passionate feelings for each other. Amanda believed that the two knew they were not capable of such depth and intensity of feeling as she and Eric. They dealt with the feelings of fear this caused by telling the other couple they did not have a ‘real’ relationship since it was all based upon the erotic. Although the erotic was extremely important to their relationship to say it was all there was to it was pure garbage. They could not help it if their basic natures were more intense than Jason’s and Michelle’s. They also walked in the woods together, took motor cycle rides on separate bikes, Eric on his Honda 100 and Amanda on her Honda 500, and went fishing. They had many conversations about politics, music, travel, books, the university, and other topics of mutual interest.
    Eric’s and Amanda’s commonalities in the social and political spheres were also perceived as threats by the other two. All of the lovers were progressives, but Eric and Amanda went beyond just being progressive. They were democratic socialists in a deep and profoundly active sense. Amanda became a committed socialist when she was still in high school. A high school social studies teacher from Iowa exerted considerable influence on her adoption of the position. Amanda had Reggie Teisinger for all of her secondary social studies classes: world and American history and problems of American democracy.
    Eric received his inspiration during his first year in college at the Louisiana State University. He was in a social science class called American institutions. His teacher was most impressed with Eric’s abilities in multidisciplinary social science. The two talked several times, and Eric came to admire his young, socialist professor. He left the class a committed democratic socialist.
    Both Eric and Amanda were more concerned with the shameful gaps in income between the haves and the have nots than the other two. Moreover, they were willing to give both time and money to the expression of these and related issues such as civil rights. They were both active members of the American Civil Liberties Union, and were officers at the local level. Amanda was the President and Eric was the representative to the state board in Montgomery.
    Eric and Amanda got together two more times prior to the winter break. Jason’s and Michelle’s projections on the alleged over emphasis on sex in their relationship continued ineffectually mostly because they had become old and boring. The collusion of the two in the notion that their relationship was on a ‘higher’ level than Eric’s and Amanda’s made no sense to her. Amanda mused that Eros is by definition central to non-Platonic relationships. Everything seemed fine when the Christmas break arrived. Jason and Amanda went to central Florida for a week to visit their parents. Eric and Michelle spent a week in their hometown in Louisiana. When they returned, Amanda and Jason brought boxes of citrus fruits to the Landreneaus, Lena, and three other friends.
    When they dropped the Landrenaeus off, Michelle informed them, “At home Eric asked my eighteen year old brother to get him some reefer.”
    “What happened?” asked Amanda.
    “It shows he’s too immature for an open relationship. We’ll have to stop the sexual parts of our relationships.”
    Eric countered, “Your brother may be 18, but he’s the biggest dealer in the area and is defined as an adult by Louisiana State Law. Now she’s saying if I don’t quit my erotic relationship with you, she’ll take the children away. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have agreed.”
    Amanda said, “I fail to see how our erotic relationships have anything to do with Eric’s getting a bag of reefer from a Louisiana dealer.”
    “Thanks Manda. I’m glad to have some confirmation on that.”
    “My pleasure, sweetheart.”
    “Frankly, I’m in agreement with Amanda and Eric,” Jason said. “I’m sorry Michelle, but you’re uncomfortably close to violating Eric’s civil rights, if you’re not already doing it. You’ve destroyed our community by making unilateral decisions without consulting the rest of us. I fear you’re an anal control freak. You need to work on that. It’s an awful way to be.”
    “I thought you agreed with me,” Michelle said. Her eyes filled with tears.
    “I did to a point, but you’ve crossed lines I never would, and some I crossed with you I deeply regret. I was wrong to collude with you in criticizing Eric’s and Amanda’s relationship. We did that out of resentment and jealousy. Eric and Amanda, I beg your forgiveness. Come on Manda, we have fruit to deliver.” There was no comfort for Michelle as she had deeply violated her four best friends; the ones who loved her the most. These three lovers and their beloved friend, Lena, were bleeding from her tyranny.
    After they were home for a while and the shock had somewhat worn off, Amanda said, “It’s hard to believe she thinks she owns those kids and can keep their biological father from seeing them. What is harder to believe is that Eric thinks she can. At any rate she has succeeded in destroying our democratic community.”
    Jason said with candor, “It hurts more than it should.”
    “It’s a hurtful situation for us three. Eric’s and my feelings are enormous. I can tell from the moods you are in after you and Michelle get together, you two are into each other as well. Her feelings right now are affected by fear and guilt, and since that is the case we all get to feel badly.”
    “Oh Amanda, we had something special.”
    “I agree and I’m glad Eric opposed ending our erotic relationships. He agreed only under what he saw as duress. I don’t hurt less for that, but she has put their marriage in jeopardy. I feel it may be doomed if she does not atone for her violation of the three of us.” Jason’s and Amanda’s relationship with Eric and Michelle limped along a while, but its satisfactions were severely limited. The artificial suppressions of the erotic relationships by Michelle made all of them feel empty when they got together.
    Eric and Michelle were leaving the following September. Meanwhile, the two began to suffer terrible consequences from Michelle’s tyrannical actions. Nearing the end of his program, Eric was required to participate in several academic conferences sponsored by the pulpwood association that funded part of his graduate education. Each time Eric went to one of the meetings, he had a woman or two for a night or two. Then he would confess all to Michelle. It seemed a perfect retribution for the castrating things she did to him with respect to his and Amanda’s relationship; one he valued for his growth and well being. She told Amanda all of this at a local swimming hole. Amanda was appalled that Michelle never once drew any of the obvious connections between his womanizing and her tyrannizing.
    Shortly before Michelle and Eric were to return to Louisiana, Eric appeared at Amanda’s back door one Friday afternoon. Jason was in New York at one of his Board meetings until Sunday. When Eric appeared the intense erotic feelings came rushing back. They were soon in the big bed making love with passionate intensity.
    When they paused in their love making Amanda said, “I’m ecstatic that you came. We’re at least saying goodbye in a proper way. Are you going to tell Michelle about this? I’m damn sure going to tell Jason. He’s back to his old jealous self. I can’t wait to rattle his cage.”
    Eric looked at Amanda smiling and said, “Hell yes I’m going to tell her. I’m sure you’ve heard about the revenge I’m taking on her with the women I have been having one, two or more nights at my meetings. I truly love you. This will be the luscious icing on my revenge cake.”
    “I love you too Eric honey. I’m glad you had sex with those women. It’s Michelle’s karma for all she has done to you. I’ve often thought you’re my first love. The reason for that is that you took me over the top of where I’d ever been with respect to erotic feelings. I told, Donda Clare West, my best woman friend ever this. She was literally uplifted by it. When I tell her you made it by at an opportune time before you all left town she’ll be thrilled. The thing you did that impressed her the most was when I told you I was pregnant and scheduled to have an abortion the next day you commented, ‘Oh, thank goodness that’s all it is. I was afraid you were going to tell me you didn’t want me to make love with you any more.’ That really depth charged this woman I love with all of my being. She felt deeply that your priories and heart were in the right place.”
    “Give that black magic woman my love,” Eric said. “She really confirms me. I don’t know her personally, but I’d like to. And ditto, you beautiful creature, you’re my first love too. Now let’s get back to the basics. It could be a long time before we get to do this again.” They did so without further ado.
    When it was time for him to leave, Amanda said with tears in her eyes, “I guess this is the end for the foreseeable future of our sensuous, pleasurable, and loving relationship.”
    “I do love you, Amanda. I hate this situation. I can’t help wondering what it would be like married to you.”
    “I love you too, pretty man, and naturally I wondered about that too. I decided that you and I, if we could live out our true destinies, would be life-time lovers, rather than husband and wife.” Amanda took his hand and walked into the living room. “There are important differences between us that would make marriage hard.
    “What are they?” he asked. “Don’t get me wrong; life-time lovers sound great for our relationship.”
    “Raising children is important to you. For my part, I may never want any, and if I do, it will only be one. It’s not that I don’t like them. I care more for most children than I do for most adults, but I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a mother. I have too many other ambitions——writing, teaching, acting, and public speaking are examples of big ones. I don’t want to fight about the household chores the way you and Michelle often do. I let Jason know that things would be equal in that area or I was out. Now I want out anyway. Our marriage is shakier than ever. I’ve known from the beginning of my relationship with you that my feelings for you are far stronger than they are for him. I tried to convince myself this was due to our relationship’s newness. In my heart I knew this was not the case. Jason screwed up our erotic relationship not long after we were married. Eric, it is hard to describe to even the most sensitive men, of which I include you, how disgusting his self centered sexual antics made me feel and behave. He continuously tried to climb on top of me and initiate sexual intercourse before I was ready. Not only was I insufficiently lubricated, and you know from experience how quickly that happens for me, but it was also before I was anywhere near ready with respect to the feeling state needed. I literally had to throw the bloke off and insist upon foreplay. Otherwise, I would feel as though I was being raped. By that time, I was way turned off. Sometimes I would try to go on, but often I would just get up and leave saying ‘You make me sick, Jason.’ I soon found myself without intent on ‘The Cheating Side of Town,’ as in the Eagle’s song ‘Lying Eyes.’ Things looked up when we met you and Michelle. I hoped he would overcome his ignorance and insecurities. He hasn’t done this. He takes a step forward but then he retracts one sometimes two steps backward.”
    “Manda, it’s awful that Jason’s still ignorant of you and worse jealous and resentful of you.”
    “I give us a year at most. A divorce would be a good thing for me. Before you go I want us to listen to one of our favorite songs.”
    Eric and Amanda were sitting close together on the couch. Eric said as he stroked her hair, “It makes me feel good that your feelings for me are that deep and intense.” At that point an Olivia Newton-John’s song began to play. The words to the song, “I Honestly Love You,” were somewhat fitting to their situation in that it refers to an extra-marital love, although the people in the song did not get to make love. That did not make the couple feel any better. They wept as they listened to the beautiful song. When it ended, Eric and Amanda knew they had to part. During what was supposed to be their last hug and kiss they both began to weep again.
    Amanda said, “Eric, what’s truly sad is that our feelings are real and strong. They’re holy and should have been respected.”
    With that, Eric lost it, “I don’t want to go. I hate her for what she’s done to us!” The two held each other tighter as the tears streamed down their faces.
    When they returned to their home the womanizing continued and heavy drinking was added on, according to Lena, who went to see them a few months after they moved back to Louisiana. Amanda was not surprised at this news. There needed to be atonement for her violations of Eric’s humanity. They had a community in which decisions were made by consensus. Then this woman seized the power by taking their children as hostages. She took all of that poisonous baggage with her when they went back to Louisiana. The last Amanda knew, they were divorced and his drinking had stopped.
    Amanda separated from Jason on New Years Day 1996 and soon divorced him. In spring, 1995, Amanda met the man who was to become her soul mate. Eric was her first love, and Michael Demian Randolph turned out to be the love of her life. He took her graduate course, “Education in Modern Society.” Unlike Eric, Michael was a bit overwhelmed by Amanda. He never dreamed that a gorgeous fox like Amanda with a doctorate and several publications in her mid-twenties would be interested in him, except on a Platonic basis. The two immediately became friends, but it was not until September, 1997 that the two got together erotically. That was a bit disappointing at first, due to Michael’s shyness which was based primarily on ego, i.e., the fear of rejection.
    Had it not been for Eric she might have become discouraged and pulled away from him. She had enough Platonic male friendships and she was more than confident in her sexual attractiveness. She was not going to waste much time on a hopeless case. In between the time they met and when they clicked erotically, Amanda had several erotic relationships with other men. When they finally truly connected erotically, her desire for other lovers declined to almost nothing. She had only a few, and later discovered that Michael enjoyed watching her make love with certain other men. What a wonderful and refreshing change from her first marriage. She knew she and Michael were spiritually married. Even as they lived together in intense passionate love, she knew sometime down the road she and Eric would connect again. Michael had already expressed positive curiosity about meeting him. Michael was as beautiful and sensitive as Eric. She would love them both forever. As she allowed her wildest fantasies free rein, she could not help but wonder what a threesome with those two wonderful men would be like. And since she pretty much knew she could connect with Eric again, it was by no means out of the realm of the possible.
    One thing she did know was that it was possible to be in love with two men at the same time. It was as her long time best friend, the now late Dr. Donda West, the famous singer-song-writer, Kanye West’s mom said a few years earlier, ‘Manda, there isn’t a man alive who can satisfy two women. Women’s sexuality is too vast for this to be an actuality. However, one woman, if she is whole and developed like we are, Amanda, can certainly satisfy two men.’

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