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Proud White Tree

Micel DiPietro

    I stood there at the front door. The one-floor apartment building stood in front of me, my heart pounding with what seemed like the force of a stampede. After four years, he still had power over me. A breeze kicked up, the beautiful white flowered tree stood in the front yard. Something about that tree made me feel calm. I turned back around and knocked on the door. The door opened and inside stood a burly man, a little shorter than me. His black hair had shades of gray on the sides, and his face was cleanly shaven. He stood there, staring back at me with his deep brown eyes. “Hey dad,” I said. “It’s been awhile. Figured I’d stop by and see if you were still here.”
    He stood there, just staring at me. “Yeah, still here. Right where you left me.” He let out a deep breath and he motioned me to come inside. As I walked in, I caught the familiar scent of his cologne, which always carried throughout the place.
    Nothing had changed. The pleather couch was still against the wall to the left, and the entertainment center was to the right, facing the couch. “I thought you were going to move once I left.” He laughed as he walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge, leaned against the counter and took a drink.
    “Yeah, right. Where the hell am I supposed to go?” He shook his head
    “I, umm, I just got back from college. I graduated.” I tried to keep my voice from shaking.
    “Cool. How’d you manage that one?”
    “It was tough to finance it, but I got a few scholarships and what not. I just had to cover a few hundred dollars on my own.”
    “Wouldn’t have that problem if you would’ve joined the Navy.”
    “I told you I didn’t want to go. Yea it was a little tough, but I wouldn’t have been able to continue with my dream as soon as I can now.”
    “Oh, bullshit. What’s a few extra years? All you do is play those damn games. They would’ve made you into a real man.” His voice rose.
    “Look, I’m not like you okay? I want to be a writer. I can’t do the car stuff you do, or join the Navy like you want, it’s not me. And it doesn’t make me any less of a man either.” He stood up from the counter.
    “Yeah, right. You’re just like your mother. Nothing but lies and mistakes. How you managed to get through high school and even college, I don’t know. You probably cheated. People like you don’t get anywhere on their own, unless they’re someone’s bitch. Which I’m sure I’m not too far off am I?” I stared at him. My heart pounded. I thought he could hear it. My hands rubbed against each other, just like they always did when I was nervous.
    “Why do you have to be like this? When will you understand that I just want to make you proud?” He laughed again.
    “Proud? Don’t give me that shit. Christ why the hell did you even come here?” he asked. I stood there, trying to answer. But I couldn’t. Nothing had changed since I left. Every time he asked me a question, my mind went blank. I was back to being seven years old again. “Answer me.” His voice was deep and stern. He slammed his fist into the wall next to him, making me jump. I averted my eyes toward the window. The white tree outside stood against the wind. I took a deep breath.
    “I came here to try and fix things, but now I realized it was stupid of me to think so. Despite everything I’ve been through, even the things you refuse to acknowledge, you take everything out on me. I’m sorry you’re alone. I’m sorry your father wasn’t there for you. And I’m sorry I can’t live up to your expectations. Everything I’ve done was to try and make you proud, but you just throw it in my face. I love you dad. But you will still die alone.” I turned around and walked out, slamming the door behind me.
    Outside, I looked over at the white tree. It stood against the wind.

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