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Friendship at its Finest: Two Women in Love

Dr. (Ms.) Michael S. Whitt

    In winter 1975 Associate Professor Amanda Rosaleigh Blake formed an unusually close friendship with a beautiful, vivacious black woman, Donda Clare West. Both women were young and energetic when they met in Amanda’s “Educational Philosophy” seminar. Amanda was twenty-nine; Donda was twenty-four. When they first discovered how much they had in common the energy bubbled over. After they talked, the two clasped arms and danced around the classroom.
    Soon they burst into a song of their own creation: “Our friendship will last forever. It is as strong as steel; as beautiful as flowers; as delicious as chocolate; as fun as kittens and so on until temporarily exhausted, they fell together amidst noises of laughter and mirth on a couch Amanda put in the room. In these moments, profound love and friendship were born between the two women. Donda was in her second quarter as a PhD student in English education. She already had a B.A. and M.A. She showed such promise in her first year as an assistant professor at Morris Brown College, she was given a two year leave to get her doctorate. The first year she received full pay.
    That first night the two discovered they were on the same wave lengths in most fundamental ways. They supported the same values and causes and were going through the same struggles. When they were first together they explored each others’ pasts and presents. They examined the state of the world politically, economically, and socially. They talked about what they could do to improve it.
    Donda said, “I grew up in Oklahoma City. My Dad is quite a character. He is both a deacon in the church and he runs a head shop.”
    “I hope I get to meet him soon. I grew up in Frostproof, a citrus village, with a population of twenty-five hundred. Around l920, a frost swept across the area. All of the orchards were damaged, except those in Frostproof. That is how it got its name. There was a great out of doors around the village. Everywhere were big, beautiful trees to climb. A lovely swimming lake was only a two minute walk from our house. The beach consisted of snow white sand, which extended several feet into the water.”
    “That sounds great Amanda. You must be a good swimmer.”
    “Honey, I’m a great swimmer. I could swim under water when I was two. When I was two and a half, I was doing the dog paddle. At three, I had mastered the over hand crawl.”
    “That’s impressive. My High school years weren’t that good. The boys were immature. It wasn’t until college that I really got into the opposite sex.”
    “Same here; there weren’t that many of them, and most of those were pretty red neck.”
    Donda and Amanda were life long progressives. This included being against the few greedy ultra rich and taxing them heavily. It meant being pro-union, pro-choice (abortion), ardent environmentalists, anti-war, and for strict gun control. In addition to talks about the former, they had many dialogues about the meaning of open relationships and their extra-marital lovers. They considered open relationships to be an integral part of their progressivism.
    Amanda said, “I’ve believed in open relationships for more than two years. Soon afterwards I insisted on one to my husband, Jason.”
    Donda replied, “Magnolia Dorm, where I live, is an easy place in which to have an extra-marital relationship. I’m having one with a good looking under graduate named Charlie who also lives in Mag. Ray is working as a photographer for the Atlanta Journal Constitution for the first two quarters leaving me free to explore my new beliefs without harassment. Manda, this man has the biggest penis I’ve ever seen. It’s more than eleven inches long when erect. It hurts after a certain point so I can’t let him put it in all the way.”
    Amanda said laughing, “That explodes the myth that all black men have huge penises. You must have seen smaller ones to make the comparison.”
    Donda smiled, “Another stereotype bites the dust.”
    The women’s distaste for monogamy contrasted sharply with their husband’s inability to handle openness. The situation was part of their dialogues during the first two years of their friendship. Their husbands freaked out and harassed them often engaging in passive-aggression. They related with sharp semi-comments like “uh uhs,” “yeas,” “don’t knows,” and “don’t says.” The new friends were together several times a week at Amanda’s house for the first two quarters, since it was more comfortable than Mag. The two friends usually smoked reefer and drank tea. One evening when they were on that subject, Amanda told of the evolution of her desire for an open relationship based on honesty.
    “I had two dishonest affairs in l973 and early 1974. It wasn’t the first time I’d cheated. I decided I couldn’t live lies any longer. When I told Jason about my cheating in January, 1974 he totally lost it. He yelled, ‘you’ve ruined my life, you selfish bitch-whore. How could you do this to me? You don’t love me. You love only yourself.’ You could see the hate in his eyes. Then he threw a plastic lotion container at me which wounded my face, I saw red. I was livid. I said, ‘You do that again, and I’ll charge you with felony assault, which is what you’re guilty of.’ Then I slapped his face with all of my strength.”
    “Good for you! We can’t tolerate violence. I’m glad you slapped the SOB.”
    “I couldn’t let that go without some appropriate response. I told Jason that I considered each of us free to relate to other partners to whom we were attracted if they respected our marital relationship. Jason has mostly been awful regarding the subject. After I leveled with him, he was still moaning about it in April three months later.”
    “Amanda that’s insane. What did you do?”
    ”One of the times we were in a room in a lovely hotel in Seattle where we were participating in an academic convention. When he started I said, ‘Look man you need to let go of things long past. If you don’t want to enjoy the room I invite you to sleep in the hall. If you’re going to get into that garbage, I refuse to be around you.’ He came around then, but he continued to use the incident to try to undermine good feelings.”
    “I love your ‘look man its time to let go of the past’,i.e., drop it off!”
    “Something good for me came out of the affairs. I made sure Jason knew that all of the men I slept with included oral sex in their erotic practices, and that I had enormous orgasms like the one time he did oral sex on me. Donda, that creep, until he was worried I might run off with my colleague, Charlie Rudner, never did oral sex after one time shortly before we were married. That time, he tried to ruin it for me saying, ‘I don’t know why I did that.’
    I snapped, ’It’s obvious you’re trying to ruin this for me. You’re full of resentment and bitterness, but your remarks don’t affect me.’ Now that he knows I can get oral sex elsewhere, you would think he invented it.”
    Donda remarked, “What a creepy thing to say, and how quickly he got over his ‘hang up’ with oral sex! It is surprising how many men have genuine hang ups with it, but he didn’t have one. He was punishing you for being beautiful and attractive to other men.”
    “Donda, that hits home. Before you said it I never considered it a reality.”
    “I’m delighted to have pointed out that obvious, yet ‘hidden’ truth. Ray is high on going down on me. I think Jason is retarded sexually if it took that to get him into oral sex.”
    “Agreed, most men in my experience enjoy doing oral sex on women. Shall I bring you up to date on the evolution of our open relationship? At least I evolved. I have doubts about him.”
    “By all means do that. I’ll do the same as I think of things.”
    “Last September I met a man with whom there were strong mutual attractions. He stopped by my office when I was there before the fall quarter started. We didn’t say anything, but we both knew there were intense attractions. Our looks, bodily stances, and other non-verbal communications expressed what each of us was feeling.
    Later, Lena, my fat, but cool colleague, introduced us to Eric and his wife, Michelle. I already knew he has a slender, well toned body, a smooth olive complexion, and thick, gorgeous black hair. He is a beautiful man. Michelle is a petite, attractive woman with Auburn hair and striking green eyes. We acknowledged our feelings for each other. We copped caresses and kisses wherever we could find privacy. Jason and Michelle acknowledged their feelings a little later. Some may think this sounds like those wife swapping arrangements, but there were no arrangements. Our feelings for Eric and Michelle developed independently of each other. Those ‘key club’ deals aren’t about passion, only lust. They are mechanical and who you get for a partner is random. That’s icky.” “I’d say nauseating too,” Donda said.
    “Later things became intensely erotic. Everyone, except Jason and I, who were invited for dinner had left. Eric and I were in an embrace on the rug. His hand was in my sweater caressing my breasts. They are small but not flat like some women who have ‘fried eggs.’”
    Donda laughed, “Amanda, that’s a truly funny one.”
    “Mine are about the size and shape of tea cups. Eric thinks they are beautiful; so did the other fellows with whom I had sex. Eric and I kissed frequently and hungrily that night.
    Michelle and Jason were kissing and caressing on the sofa rolling around all over each other. I was entertaining the fantasy that we might make love beside each other. That way, every thing would be in the open. We’d be building trust, openness, and communication. I thought that was a positive thing since it fosters democratic community.”
    “What you had in mind would do it!” Donda responded excitedly. “I have often thought that such activities would enhance open relationships within their democratic communities.”
    “Sadly, it didn’t happen. Things were going beautifully, when Michelle said, ‘I think we’re going to have to postpone this.’ Both men stared at me with looks of confusion and irritation.
    ‘Why do you feel that way?’ I asked.
    ‘Manda, suppose the children woke up and came out here when we were making love. What would we tell them?’
    ‘We don’t have to deal with Phillip. He isn’t walking yet, but more importantly we need to get away from the notion that they are ‘catching’ us at anything. We aren’t doing anything wrong. Elizabeth is the most creative, intelligent child I know. I would tell her that making love in this manner is a good thing. It widens the circle of love of which she and Phillip are important parts. We could explain that you, Eric, Jason, and I fell in love with each other all the way around thus widening the circle of love for all of us.’
    Eric said. ‘Those are wonderful things to tell Liz.’
    Jason agreed. ‘I think she would be delighted with them.’”
    “Good for the guys in backing you up.”
    “It’s always great when the other gender does something creatively ethical.”
    “Well said lovely woman.”
    “Anyway, Michelle said, ‘Amanda and you guys I love you and you’re probably right, but I’m just not there. I’m truly sorry.’”
    “That’s sad, Amanda. Instead, of building love, trust, understanding, and effective communication, that dunce brought separation, opportunities for secrecy, projections, and other sorts of negativity.”
    “Precious one, I couldn’t agree more, and many negative things happened. In the A.M. Eric asked to come over. My heart was in my throat when I said, ‘Come on and hurry!’”
    “Manda, this sounds as though it’s going to be exciting.”
    “Yes. I was delighted that he was coming over, but I was beginning to see signs of abusive control on Michelle’s part. She stopped our spontaneous expression of feelings. Now in the morning she is going ‘to allow us’ to continue. Our encounter was even more passionate than I experienced in previous feeling states. We couldn’t get enough of each other. He came about 9:00 and left a little before 11:30. As he prepared to leave, he told me Michelle alone had imposed a two hour time limit on our encounters. He said he was late leaving, but didn’t care. He was not going to respect her control trips when he could help it. He apologized for her folly.”
    Donda said, “The evidence seems to suggest that Michelle is an anal control freak, which is always bad. In relation to Eros, well, that makes her some kind of serious sinner.”
    “I agree. Nothing could spoil that first morning with Eric. I was high as a kite after our wonderful encounter. I could not wait to share my experiences with Jason. When he came home, I told him about them. Instead of getting loving responses, I got jealous ones, but when I pointed to his upcoming encounter with Michelle and brought in her controlling and manipulative behavior, he totally backed down.”
    “I’m glad Jason rose to the occasion when you pointed those out.”
    “Yes, he said, ‘Gosh Amanda, I never thought of the situation like that. It probably had much to do with my negation reaction to yours and Eric’s situation.’ We have a roach to smoke.”
    “Good for Jason and I hope Ray will do the same. And great on that roach. We’ll smoke it and then I have to go back to the dorm to do some school work. I’d rather stay and chat about open relationships and other political matters.”
    “We’ll continue tomorrow. I’m glad you said other political matters. With respect to sex, family, and a lot of other things we regard as ‘private’, the feminist slogan is apt, ‘the personal is the political.’” The next night we were eager to talk more about these subjects.
    Donda began, “After I finished my work, I felt horny. I think it was due to our hot conversation. I went to Charlie’s room and we made love. Are there any other things about Michelle and Eric that are of mutual interest to us?”
    “Oh sweet friend, knowing our conversations acted as an aphrodisiac for you makes me ecstatically happy. Eric is my first love in the sense until we connected I never came close to experiencing such intense and passionate feelings.”
    “That’s cool about Eric being your first love. I’m still waiting for mine. He sounds as though he has deep passions suited for your great ones.”
    “There is one thing I think you’ll appreciate given that Michelle is ‘some kind of sinner’ against Eros. Some of her bad Karma came around. In November, I was pregnant. I had gone to a sexist Oby/Gyn, who told me I couldn’t get pregnant because I had endometriosis.”
    “I know what that is. I had a mild case. The stuff in your uterus called the endometrial gets into the surrounding organs. It can cause some pain.”
    “Right,” said Amanda. “He was irate because I did not want children yet. He greatly exaggerated my inability to get pregnant. He didn’t tell me how mild my case was. I knew he’d lied. My new Oby/Gyn discovered that the side on which I got pregnant, the process cured the condition. This Oby-Gyn drew the logical conclusion that we could cure the other side by my taking birth control pills everyday for a year to suppress period’s and simulate pregnancy. I’m doing that now.”
    “That’s the same thing my Oby/Gyn did.”
    “Now for Michelle’s swell-deserved Karma. I wasn’t going to tell her or Eric about the pregnancy until the abortion was over. Lena convinced me they had a right to know, and to keep this knowledge from them was as bad as Michelle’s manipulation. I told Michelle first because she was in the office then. She was grateful I confided in her and thankful I was getting an abortion. She asked if I would tell Eric if he came over that night. When he came through the door we hugged and kissed. After some of that I led Eric into the living room. I could tell he was nervous. I stuttered and finally came out with it.
    “Eric, I’m pregnant. Lena’s taking me in the A.M. for an abortion.’ The next thing he said warmed my heart. I thanked the Great Goddess for his sanity.
    He smiled at me saying, “Thank goodness it’s only that. I was worried you were going to tell me you didn’t want to make love with me anymore.” Donda began laughing her best and most wonderful laugh. It got so strong she could not contain it. She began dancing around the room. With the reefer and Donda, Amanda was getting so high she felt like she was going to levitate.
    “Oh Manda, that’s one of the best stories I’ve ever heard. Bless Eric’s heart for it’s in the right place. I am going to use this one as an example of a truly great masculine response with femininity woven into it. Eric must be quite androgynous.”
    “His feminine side is well developed. We were in the big bed by eight-thirty. Except for a snack and tea break, we made love until after eleven. Just as Eric was leaving at eleven thirty, Lena arrived to spend the night. Michelle didn’t think we’d make love. She expected Eric to be upset and disoriented enough he’d be unable to think about it. She was stunned at what happened. The next day Lena and I came home around 2:30. She made a bed on the couch and told me to call her if I needed anything. In about an hour, Lena returned with a tearful Michelle.
    She said, ‘Last night I realized that although I don’t like it, I’m vulnerable to you.’
    ‘Being vulnerable is part of life if you live it at all. No one can avoid it without being half dead. Also, Jason, Eric, and I were not happy about being vulnerable to you regarding your unilateral decisions on Thursday night.’”
    “I need to interrupt you. I’m curious whether the first trimester abortions are as painless as most claim. Before you answer, the Karma was perfect for Michelle’s previous sins, and you and Eric got to enjoy it without fear of pregnancy!”
    Amanda danced around the room laughing. “You’re funny too, my sweet friend. Sweet, curious Donda, I didn’t feel any pain. Many say all women suffer emotionally over having an abortion. I didn’t suffer even an iota.”
    “Thanks for sharing that Manda. I could be in those shoes sometime. It’s good to know there is nothing to fear.”
    “After Jason and Michelle began relating sexually, they soon were doing projections on Eric and my relationship. They were insecure as it was obvious that we were more intense in our feelings than either of them was capable. They maintained that since our relationship was based only on sex, it wasn’t a real relationship.”
    “What in hell is a ‘real’ relationship? And who are they to define it? Michelle and Jason are insecure, afraid, and pitiful. What is wrong with basing an erotic relationship on Eros?” Donda was laughing so hard she was running around the couch again.
    “Nothing. They harped on it until it became excruciatingly boring. Sex was a big part of our relationship, but we did more together than have sex. We went fishing, walked in the woods, rode our motorcycles, and had many conversations on books we read, music which inspired us, and travels we had made. All this happened last fall.
    How did it end?”
    “Over the winter vacation just before we met, the Landrenaeu’s went to their home town near Lafayette. Jason and I went to Florida to see our parents; we stayed a week. During this time Michelle found an excuse to end our erotic relationships. Eric bought some reefer from Michelle’s eighteen year old brother who was a marijuana dealer. She claimed that ‘proved’ he was too immature to handle an open relationship. I said, ‘I don’t see how Eric’s buying reefer from a Louisiana dealer has anything to do with our erotic relationships.’
    Then Jason did one of the best things I’ve seen him do. He said ‘Michelle, I know I agreed with you on some aspects of Eric’s and Amanda’s relationship. I was wrong. I apologize and beg your forgiveness, Eric and Amanda. Michelle, you’re acting like an anal control freak. That’s an awful thing to be. You’re violating Eric’s civil rights. Your demands that his behavior conform to your idea of who he should be as a condition to see his children are despicable. You’re holding them hostages and pawns for your agenda.’ This reduced her to tears, Donda. And she received no comfort from the three people who loved her best. We were bleeding from her tyranny.”
    ”That was wonderful on Jason’s part. There’s definitely hope for him. I’m glad I’m attracted to him. Did everything end there?”
    “Our four way erotic relations ended. They’ll be here until early this Sept, ‘75. We don’t see them often. Our satisfactions now are a let-down for Jason, Eric, and me. I received some interesting information about Michelle and Eric involving more of Michelle’s Karma”
    ”I can’t wait. I feel for her, but she did sin against the Erotic, and we are partly responsibility for that sacred domain.”
    “A divine truth well expressed, beautiful Donda. Eric is in the process of attending some academic meetings this spring and summer sponsored by the outfit which financed part of his education. When he goes to one he has a woman or two for a night or two. He comes back here and ‘confesses’ to Michelle. That seems like perfect retribution for a person who robbed him of a relationship he valued for his growth and well being.”
    “It’s divine retribution. He knows what he’s doing. She made him miserable with what she did to your four way spontaneous situation. Now he is making her miserable by pretending he just falls in with these women and can’t help himself. What a great line. I salute thee Eric.”
    “It’s unbelievable but she’s not making any connections between what she did to Eric and these consequences. I saw her at a swimming hole recently. She told me about his womanizing, but gave no indication of connecting things.”
    “How can anyone be that dense?” Donda wondered.
    “I know, and this will continue unless she atones for her violations.”
    Soon after they met Donda asked Amanda to be a member of her doctoral committee. Donda’s chairperson had to be from her department, secondary education, but she would have preferred to have Amanda. She got her idea for her dissertation from Amanda. Her Chairman, Dr. Dan Alley, English education and her other committee members did not know much about the material with which Donda was working. However, they were quite cooperative.
    Amanda covered Ludwig Von Bertalanffy’s General Systems Theory in the seminar. It contains his organic ideas in biology. She assigned some readings in the book. The work was an important advance in philosophy of science which had a major impact on the natural and social sciences. Parallel developments were happening in physics involving the works of Niels Bohr, Werner Heisenberg, and other Nobel Laureates. In philosophy these developments are found in the Pragmatist works of John Dewey, William James, George Herbert Mead, and others, and the English thinker, Alfred North Whitehead. Biology and physics were mechanical fields until the first few decades of the twentieth centuries. The prevailing influences before that were Newton’s mechanical science and Descartes’ mechanical philosophy. These limited views reduced everything to a quantity governed by mathematical laws. The qualitative aspects of reality such as colors, smells, feelings, imagination . . . exist only in the mind. This view is characterized by arbitrary dualisms such as objective/subjective, mind/body, reason/feeling, and knower/known.
The world view which emerged from the recent works sees mechanism as a single dimension of a larger multi-dimensional organic reality characterized by flux, interconnectedness, novelty, dynamism, variety, energy, and indeterminacy. Reality is as much qualitative as it is quantitative. When Donda read about General Systems Theory and heard Amanda talk about it, she had a vision of how it could be applied to teaching writing. It was a brave vision considering how biology and creative writing have few apparent commonalities or relationships. Others had their doubts about this topic, but in the end Donda surprised all of them. The doubters included some male professors, who were threatened by the two women’s intellect and creativity. One of them was in foundations and taught educational psychology. He had been discouraging to Donda when she spoke with him about her thesis topic.
    He said to Amanda “She is B student. She is in no way an A student.”
    “You don’t say? She told me you gave her an A.”
    “I-I don’t think I did. If I did, it was barely an A.” Oh brother, thought Amanda, what ‘reasoning.’
    When Amanda told Donda about this she said, “I’m laughing all the way to graduation with his ‘A’ supporting my 4.0.”
    “Bravo, my paranormal woman friend!”
    Donda had a strong will and she did a beautiful job of integrating the two areas. It was not finished until July l979, due to some important events in her life: her son Kanye’s birth, a current dissertation draft burning in a fire, and a divorce.
    After Ray moved, he and Donda enrolled in Amanda’s “Education in Modern Society” course. She was equally impressed by their abilities. Both were brilliant and creative students. In other ways, they seemed incompatible. Donda was bubbling with energy, laughter, and vitality. Ray seemed less energetic almost to the point of being clinically depressed at times. He seemed to bring her down. The second year Donda obtained a job at Columbus State teaching remedial writing. She found a lover there named Rob Wilson. This fact plus other evidence convinced Amanda they should divorce.
    Amanda urged Donda to be honest with him about her feelings for Jason. She tried and got sulking and pouting. Amanda’s conscious motive for bugging her friend was that lies lead nowhere. Off-consciously she had another motive, her desire that they divorce. Donda’s and Jason’s mutual attraction lasted until she moved back to Atlanta. When she left, unknown to anyone she was pregnant. She called Amanda to tell her about the pregnancy when she discovered it. She said she had thought long and hard about whether she wanted a baby.
    “Amanda, I don’t know or care if the father is Ray or Rob, I’m going to have it. It will be the only one I have. Whether it’s a boy or a girl its name will be Kanye. In Swahili, that means ‘the only one.’ Limiting my family to one child is the only way I can be a great college professor and a great mom.”
    “I love the name, and it’s wonderful that you don’t care who the father is. Your decision to limit your family to one child is on target. It would be a great loss to education if you didn’t continue in college work. I love you, and can’t wait to see you.” Amanda visited Donda in Atlanta when Kanye was a few months old. They renewed their friendship and had a wonderful time. They were both talking divorce. During the winter vacation Amanda called Donda reporting she had sent Jason packing.
    “Dearest friend, I’m single and dancing around the room. He left this A.M. I didn’t know I would feel this great, delighted, and naturally high. It is hard to express in words how happy I am.”
    “That’s super about your feelings regarding the split. There’s something I need to do ASAP.”
    “I know, best girlfriend.”
    “I don’t belong with Ray anymore than you did with Jason. I need to follow suit.” During the call she caught Donda up on the Eric and Michelle news.
    “Last fall when they returned to Louisiana, heavy drinking was added to the womanizing. The last I heard, they’d divorced. There is one thing I’ve never had a chance to tell you. Eric came to my house shortly before they left. Jason was gone until the next day. As soon as he came in, the strong erotic feelings rushed back. We were soon making love.”
    “I’m delighted to hear about this. You all had a chance to say goodbye. Michelle must have been livid.”
    “During a pause in love making, I asked him if he was going to tell Michelle about this. I told him I was damn sure going to tell Jason since he was back to his jealousy trips. He looked at me and said, ‘Hell yes I’m going to tell her. I’m sure you’ve heard about the revenge I’m taking on her with the women I’ve been having at my meetings. I truly love you and we are the luscious icing on my revenge cake.’
    ‘I love you too, Eric. I told my best woman friend, Donda West, you were my first love. You took me over the top of where I’d ever been with erotic feelings.’
    ‘Manda, you beautiful creature, you’re my first love too. I regret not meeting her, but give that ‘Black Magic Woman,’ all my love. Now let’s get back to the basics here. It could be a long time before we get to do this again.’”
    “Oh Manda,” Donda gushed, “I’m glad you waited to tell me that wonderful story. It will be a good one for a short story. I needed a little lift, and you and Eric gave me a huge one.” In mid-summer l978 a few weeks before Amanda left for Europe, Donda called Amanda and said she and Kanye were living in an apartment. She and Ray were already divorced.
    Amanda raised her voice in joy and excitement exclaiming “Bravo!” She sang the song they had created, and said, “I’m happy for you. Incidentally, Jason owed me eleven hundred dollars when we separated. He ignored this debt. I was angry and frustrated, but the worm turned when I found a credit card with only his name on it. I shared the card with Michael as he is a hard up PhD student. We used it to stock up on necessities. When the bill came to me, I sent it back to the credit card company with his address on it. He had to pay it, or his credit rating would be ruined for seven years.”
    Donda said giggling, “Manda, I’m damn glad you did that. It was one thing for him to live off of you when he was doing the housework. However, he had no right to leave you with his debts.”
    “Thanks Sweetheart. Nancy, the girl Jason is with, was quite pregnant and nearly ready to deliver. He didn’t think enough of her to ask me for a divorce. Until I acted to get one he may have harbored some delusion that we would get back together. He used her to try and get me in line.”
    “It’s hard to believe he treated her so shabbily. Manda, before we separated our house burned down and with it the latest draft of my dissertation. Luckily it was a small setback. Something told me to take my earlier drafts, my notes, sources, and bibliographies to my sister’s.”
    “Thank goodness for your amazing intuitions!”
    “I would have died of sadness if I had not preserved all of that, but now I need to get it done. I’m going to come down to Auburn in the fall, winter, and a maybe longer than that. Is it alright if I stay with you some or all the next school year?”
    “Oh yes Love, for as long as you need! I’m delighted we’re going to spend extended time together. You didn’t have to ask.”
    “Mostly I knew that, but I didn’t want to take too much for granted.”
    “I’ll be in Italy the last two weeks in August and the first in September giving a paper on Vico and Dewey at a Venice symposium. A man I’ve been seeing, Michael Demian Randolph, is taking the van on an upstate Michigan trip. He’ll return the same time I do.”
    “Oh Amanda, your Italy trip and paper sound exciting. You’ll be a big hit over there.”
    “Thanks for your belief in me and my work.”
    “My in-laws are going to look after Kanye while I’m in Auburn. They’ll be on vacation until September 15. After that I will be free to come.”
    “I’ll be home at the end of that first week. Call me when you’re ready.”
    “Okay.”
    “Bye and I love you.”
    “I love you too, Amanda. I can’t wait to have fun, adventures, learning, love, and growth with you, your other friends, and mine.”
    Amanda saw Donda before she departed for Italy. She and Michael were in Atlanta for Amanda to do some last minute shopping. Amanda told Michael about Donda. He was eager to meet her. They stopped by her apartment and found her home. After Amanda introduced them, she felt something touching her legs just below her knees. It was little Kanye hugging her legs. This was a heart warmer for them all.
    “Look friends!” Amanda exclaimed. “Kanye is embracing me in the best way he knows. I see a happy child and a great Mom.”
    Donda said, “I’ve seen him do lots of cute things, but I do believe this is the best one of all.” Donda and Michael, who soon turned out to be the Love of Amanda’s life, hit it off well. Donda called Amanda a week after she arrived back from Europe, “Would it suit you if I came down and moved in this coming Monday?”
    “Suit me? It would delight me! I’ll be waiting.” Donda appeared at Amanda’s on a Monday around noon. Let the laughter, joy, happiness, growth, love, and creativity begin and increase! That was their mood.
    HERE“Manda, I’ve met a new man, Bud Rollins. He sells cocaine and reefer and has a few scams. He’s coming to see me soon.”
    “Great! I’ll look forward to meeting your hustler.”
    Before Bud came, Michael’s presence became troublesome due to Helen, a woman he had been seeing that summer. She was threatened by Michael’s and Amanda’s relationship. Her acting out this time came from events which happened the morning Amanda came to his house after returning from Italy. She arrived in Columbus around 2:30 A.M. She asked a soldier looking guy if he was going to Ft. Benning.
    “Yes,” he replied warmly. “Can I help you with something?”
    “It would be great if you could give me a ride to my home on Moseley Drive which is probably on your way.”
    “It is for sure. Hop in my car.”
    When Amanda was in Michael’s house, she retrieved the reefer, rolled, and smoked a joint. She relaxed a few minutes and fell into his king-sized bed. At 5:30 Amanda heard Michael’s voice calling her. She awoke long enough to make love. Then they fell out until 9:00, when the door bell rang. Helen had brought some doughnuts and coffee for breakfast. Amanda thought to herself, as she told Donda later, doughnuts ugh, what unhealthy tastes. I would never bring anyone doughnuts. Michael sent her away saying Amanda was there. She apparently was not pleased by this scene. When Donda arrived Amanda told her that Michael had not been honest with Helen about the erotic aspect of his and Amanda’s relationship.
    “When she asked him to tell her about it, his response, ‘there’s nothing to tell,’ could have implied we didn’t have one. Had he said, I have nothing I care to tell you about that aspect of our relationship; it would have been an honest response. At best the message was that our relationship was ‘no big deal.’”
    Donda replied, “Damn, can he be more insensitive? Doesn’t he realize that with that inane comment he lied to Helen? That means that for a period she thought he was her only erotic partner. He knew if he told her the truth, she’d give him a hard time. It also tells you that your sex life apparently means little to him. That is pretty unforgiveable, even though I doubt it’s the truth. From this and the other things you’ve told me, I’d say he is in a state of fear and it all seems connected with his ego. It would be a terrible blow to that ego, it you were to reject him. He’s trying his best not to give you a chance. He probably thinks he can control that, but he can’t. No one can. Vulnerability will sneak up on him without any intent from either of you. I’d say he has problems.”
    “I say ‘Awoman’ to coin a feminist word.”
    “And that woman must be a jealous bitch.”
    “She is and she’d love to get him to the alter. Donda, to me his erotic relating is poor and insipid. In short he does have sexual difficulties with me; and your right his vague response was insulting to me and dishonest to Helen. She assumed, not without some justification, that we did not have an erotic relationship.
    On the other hand, we stay at each other’s houses for up to three days at the time. We often go out of town together for several days. These activities suggested we have such a relationship. Yet, his failure to be clear with her is coming back to haunt him. She believed what she wanted. Because of this relationship I have little faith in Michael’s tastes and judgments. Anyone who could take up with this spiteful, jealous, and community destroying bag isn’t trustworthy.
    “To say the least Manda.”
    “An example will illustrate this clearly. One evening Michael invited me over to spend the night. Some time in the evening, Helen invited him over to eat a banana split with her and a girlfriend. He wanted me to go and meet her. Against my better judgment I went. To show how spiteful jealous people can be, she didn’t offer me anything. Michael offered me some of his, but that was not good enough. It was a despicable act of cowardice on his part. I was nauseated by both of them. Had someone treated my friend or lover that way, I would have dumped my split in the garbage, given the hateful person a piece of my mind, and gotten out of there never to return. I hate banana splits, but that is irrelevant. I don’t hate ice cream and I’m sure there was some of that. As if to beat his chest he later told his brother, “I see two women.”
    “That was a stupid thing to say. No man alive can satisfy two women, although one woman can easily satisfy two or more men. Women’s sexuality is quite vast compared with men’s.”
    “it‘s time he learned this. He does know that with respect to me. As long as he is seeing that nerd, I’ve had and will have other lovers, many other lovers, to whom I feel passion for and vice versa. I had two in Italy. 0ne was a young Jewish Professor who told me he needed to get close erotically to the most beautiful woman around. The other was a young sailor going for the GI Bill. He sent me this necklace and some hits of window pane we’ll soon eat. Also, a man to whom I was not attracted, although I liked him, invited me to come to a large house he had in Northern Italy on a big lake up there. I decided against visiting him. Our picture ended in a national magazine in a write-up about the conference. We were photographed when we were talking outside of the conference rooms. Somebody sent it to me after I came back.
    “Bravo Amanda! That silver necklace is lovely. You were a big hit in Italy.”
    “Thanks love and you can accept much credit for that.”
    Donda gushed, “Gosh thanks, Manda. That means a lot to me.”
    Amanda also told Donda about another relationship, which was the most important of her other ones this winter. Kevin Harris was a nice looking, slender twenty-three year old man. He was 6’1” tall, with pretty brown eyes, and an olive complexion. Sexually, he was quite mature for his age having been with lots of women, his age and older.
    Amanda said, “When he became a little crazy a few months ago, I stopped seeing him. I am thinking of contacting him now. He’s in the hospital. He was the victim of an accident on his job. When a dolt did not hold up his part of a heavy piece of equipment, it landed on Kevin’s big toe. I heard he might lose the toe. Kevin is a nice and attractive dude, and he often has quality reefer and acid. Would you like to go with me? We can take him a joint.”
    Donda said, “Sure, he sounds interesting.” They went to the hospital that day. The joint delighted him. They invited him over as soon as he got out of the hospital. When he came, they listened to a Neil Diamond album, Serenade, which Kevin had not yet heard. That night Kevin and Amanda started their relationship again. Later, Donda admitted that she had sex with Kevin once. She claimed she had not wanted to, but he was insistent. Amanda knew better since Donda did not allow anyone to push her around. Another good friend of both women, Sandy Bryan, had an encounter with him and said she had a great time.
    When Bud, who had erotic encounters with Sandy, heard about this he said humorously, “That young stud does get around.” Bud was amused by Kevin with three ‘older’ hot women.
    Donda and Amanda had the happiest time they ever experienced the year they lived together, fall 1978-summer 1979. It was glorious. They kept each other laughing and in a good mood. Had Amanda been actively bisexual they would have been lovers. Their feelings were not superficial. They could feel each other’s erotic warmth. One night they were sitting on the couch. Donda looked at Amanda for moment.
    Then she said softly, “Manda you’re so pretty.”
    Amanda was flattered and gushed, “Thank you, Donda. You’re pretty too. You are also beautiful in our Bard Blake’s way.” She turned to his poem, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell. “Now let me see I have the part, ‘Proverbs from Hell.’ Here’s the one I had in mind, ‘Exuberance is beauty.’ Isn’t that wonderful? To me it was written in anticipation of your birth many years later. You are beautifully exuberant and exuberantly beautiful.”
    “Why thank you Manda. I never thought of myself as pretty, much less beautiful.”
    “That’s hard to believe. Henceforth I want you to realize you’re both.”
    Amanda knew Donda was curious about relating to women when she hooked up with one at an English professors conference. The woman was a professor at Dillard. She told Amanda laughing that the woman had asked her after the fact, ‘Donda, are you sure you haven’t done this before?’ They laughed heartily.
    Amanda said, “She should have known you knew something about her anatomy. After all, every bit of anatomy she possesses you do also, and the feelings with respect to oral and manual sex are about the same. Right?”
    “Absolutely!” Later Donda had another relationship with a woman which lasted five years, but most of her life she was with a man or men. Amanda referred to her in the same way as she did herself as ‘Polymorphously Perverse.’ That expression refers to the highest level of sensual development of which humans are capable and is a companion to cosmic consciousness, the highest level of spiritual/psychic development. Amanda wrote a poem, “Polymorphous Perversity,” in the spring of 1979. There is not room to include the poem, but it expresses in poetic language what Norman O. Brown meant when he used it his classic scholarly work Life Against Death: The Psychoanalytic Meaning of History.
    
    As usual Donda and Amanda were walking down similar paths and had much to share. Both were recently divorced and were extremely happy as a result. They were each seeing men to whom they were strongly attracted. Amanda’s relationship with Michael was limping along until early fall when Helen began to make trouble for him. He had no idea to what lengths Amanda and Donda would go to keep him from bringing their garbage to Auburn. He would find out that evening he was unwelcome in their home if he did not leave her baggage behind. He called about the upcoming weekend which he was spending in Auburn. He’d be a little late.
    “I’m going through this thing with Helen and I need to see it through,” he explained without explaining anything.
    “I see,” Amanda said icily. “I’ll see you whenever,” and hung up before he had a chance to say anything else. His voice made her sick. Donda could tell Amanda was livid about the tension this man was forcing on them by his presence. Michael’s ego was bruised by her going back with her ex. This was to get his attention, and it was succeeding. The two friends decided his bringing tensions to their world had to stop. Bud was coming tomorrow. Neither of them wanted him to walk into Michael’s and Helen’s mess.
    “Don’t worry Manda,” Donda said mysteriously. “I have a magnificent plan to rake him lovingly over the coals when he gets here. I think it will put a stop to the violations.”
    “I can’t wait to see you go into action, precious friend,” Amanda responded laughing.
    “I’m glad you’re okay without knowing what I’m going to do ahead of time. Otherwise, you won’t be as spontaneous. I’ve only allowed myself to form a general idea of what we’ll do. The details will take care of themselves. As soon as I go into action you’ll spontaneously begin to participate with me. It’ll do him a world of good.
    “That sounds exciting.” Around 8 o’clock Michael came through the door. Amanda did not want to hear about Helen and her jealousy trip. Michael told her anyway.
    “I can’t figure out what‘s going on, or if Helen is telling me the truth. She’s still back with her husband, I think. Apparently she hasn’t seen him all day.”
    Amanda, ignoring his remarks said, “Donda and I have been having great times. We had Kevin over last night to listen to Neil’s Serenade. He was inspired by it.”
    Amanda heard Donda coming down the hall. When she glanced over her shoulder Amanda saw to her delight she was carrying a wood carved penis and balls painted gold, Chuck Mitchell, one of Amanda’s lovers gave this to Amanda and Jason. Donda had an angelic look on her face.
    “Hello Miquel,” Donda purred sensually. “I’ll bet you’ve never seen Manda’s and my sacred dick—n-balls, have you honey?”
    “No, Amanda hasn’t showed it to me until now.”
    “Well Michael,” Amanda said softly, “I had to convince Donda that you were worthy. It is one of several icons we share as part of one of the religions we practice. This one we call the Divine Sexuality and Sacred Erotica Religion.” Donda continued to stroke the item lovingly. When Amanda fabricated the name of their alleged religion, she could tell Donda nearly burst out laughing. She managed to stifle her urge. She held the little replica out from her face and cocked her head viewing it from various angles.
    “Yes indeed Amanda, one of our most important religions,” She remarked confirming her facetious statement, “and Michael will have to develop a bit more on his feminine side before we share more of this life affirming religion with him. Right?”
    “You’re right dear sister; he has more growing to do. Sweet Miquel, this icon is merely one of the sacred images of this religion. We have breasts, uteruses, hands, feet, lips, and other divine body parts. And there are additional things and processes which we celebrate aesthetically and worship: springs, cats, mountains, the oceans, beautiful streams, pristine forests, rainbows, and waterfalls.”
    “Amanda that was an utterly compelling and lovely explanation of our developing the Divine Sexuality and other sacred Erotica Religious symbols.”
    “Yours was every bit as lovely and inspiring, beautiful friend, Donda. May I reveal our central point for this evening?”
    “Of course, beautiful Amanda, in this case, who but you?”
    “The essence and dynamics of this religion are destroyed when anyone brings neurotic, unnecessary, and uninteresting emotional baggage into the recreation of this dimension of our spirituality. It’s lethal to the development of this important spiritual discipline.”
    “All should heed the prophetess, Amanda Rosaleigh.” When Amanda looked at Michael across the couch, he looked shocked.
    He said after a pause, “I presume your message was meant for me. If so, it came through loud and clear.”
    Donda ended our talk, “Well, beautiful, wonderful sister Amanda and handsome and exquisite friend, Miquel, I must leave and prepare for Bud’s visit.”
    “Okay gorgeous erotic girlfriend,” I replied. “We’re looking forward to meeting him tomorrow.”
    When Donda went back to her room, Michael asked “Would you like to go to bed a bit early tonight?”
    “Sure.”
    “Okay, let’s have a small snack and a drink and hit the big bed”
    When they laid down they quickly turned on to each other. They kissed and caressed each other. When he started to enter her, his erection went flat.”
    “What are you doing to me, Amanda?” he asked.
    “I’m not doing anything to you, Michael. You are allowing someone to do something to you. That’s what you’re bringing over here and what Donda and I were talking about. We don’t need it; more important we don’t want it.” That was the conversation’s end, the beginning of the end of Helen, and the beginning of small improvements in his love making.
    Michael and Amanda liked Bud. He spent eighteen months in the “Slammer.” He made the most of this experience. It developed his meditative and spiritual dimensions. Michael and Amanda were amazed when he told them that several years back he was in love with a woman who had an 18 month old child. His mother had to spend a year in prison. Bud cared for the child while she was gone. They spent a couple of hours getting to know each other. During this time Bud generously shared his cocaine with them and left some on the record album they had been using.
    As it turned out, Donda needed an academic year plus a summer session to finish her thesis and defend it. Amanda was delighted that Donda lived in Auburn until the end of summer quarter 1979. By winter quarter Donda had become friends with a woman Amanda befriended in summer l978. Sandy Bryan recently divorced and with an Auburn doctorate, was hired as an adjunct assistant professor in the foundations of education department. The summer of l978 Amanda spent a good bit of time with Sandy at her pool. The three of them became close and had many good times together during the spring and summer of 1979. Sandy was able to live in her ex’s house until he paid off her meager settlement of $50,000. This way Donda, Sandy, and Amanda had access to the pool all summer, l979.
    By now Michael and Amanda had become much closer with Helen slowly fading into the background. She had gone to Carrollton with him to audit a course on “The Holocaust.” This class stimulated Amanda’s creative juices in a profoundly fruitful way. They also went to the Southeast Regional Philosophy of Education Society annual meeting together in Birmingham. Michael was presenting his first academic paper. Amanda was asked to comment on a colleague’s presentation. Michael got to meet Amanda’s super cool major professor from Florida, Dr Hal Lewis, who was sixty-eight at the time.
    Hal said, “I heard you have a new man, Amanda. I want to meet him.” Amanda brought Michael to Hal. He told her later, “You two seem excellent together and his paper is quite interesting.”
    That summer Michael often joined the three women at the pool. Their relationship had developed rapidly after Christmas the year Donda lived with Amanda. Since no one could see over the tall fence, they went skinny dipping and walked around nude. By the time the warm weather set in they had acquired several hits of blotter LSD. They would often trip all day by the pool. They had some spectacular times. It was good to see Michael’s wild side blossom. Amanda was delighted he was not the least bit embarrassed to strip naked in the presence of three wild, hot, and naked women.
    Donda’s orals took place at the end of the summer 1979. She had struggled mightily to concretize the relationship between the abstractions of General Systems Theory and the art of teaching writing; she accomplished this. It involved elaborating complex and difficult relationships in her dissertation, which she did well. The other three members on her committee were more than pleased. Her chairperson apologized for all those who doubted her ability to get the job done on this project and told her she was an unusually bright graduate student. When Amanda told the foundations professor, he said little other than to, as the expression goes, ‘hem and haw’ and find a way to quickly change the subject.
    Donda returned to Morris Brown with her doctorate and a much more developed friendship with Amanda. She broke up with Bud as his little crooked part did not jibe with her propensities. She never knew when she was going to see him as things often came up which were unexpected and delayed his appearance. She played the field for a while and then hooked up with her one long term female-female relationship. The fine friendship continued actively until 2004 when Donda, much to Amanda’s terrible sadness, died a tragic and untimely death tied up with her famous son’s, Kenye, singing-song writing career.



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