RedMan
Kilmo
The Edge of Glory smelt stale like dropped sweets and bubble gum, and when the back door opened the street blew in like a knife. It was only a short walk from down town’s neon hoardings and the trouble they hid. It was also Redman’s favourite place to go and escape. He even liked the taste of the franchise beer; only the pale insipid piss the cinema served really helped when he needed reminding why he wanted to tear it all down to the last brick. His knees popped and clicked as he stomped into the foyer and made for the bar.
‘You there Audacity?’
He hoped so, the girl was the best thing in the place, and she had a smile like a kiss. He kept her picture tucked safe where he could look at it and imagine exploring what lay behind her lips.
‘Coming.’
At least that’s what he thought she’d said; what reached his ears wasn’t much more than a mumble. The girl with the painted cheeks and the usherette’s uniform had plainly lost the power of speech.
‘What’s up Doll face? You can tell your uncle Redman. How come you can’t talk?’
Even mute Audacity looked pretty as a picture thought Redman, but it was a little disconcerting with her miming everything she said. She pouted, and shook her head letting her hair fall down the back of her neck, and Redman had to pretend he hadn’t noticed. Steam was coming off him so fast his fingernails flapped. He dug a thumb into his collar and let a great gout spin toward the ceiling.
‘Just get me a beer sweet stuff. I’ll find out how to sort it out in a sec. Right now, I need refreshment.’
Redman watched her squirt the weak amber liquid into one of those plastic beakers they used and grinned happily. There was nothing like ramming his face into capitalism’s grinding inadequacies to cheer him up sometimes.
‘Ah, that’s better.’
Steam stopped whistling off him and he gave Audacity the once over.
‘Now, what’s the up?’
She pointed at her mouth and smiled unhappily; something punched hard in his gut looking at her like that.
‘Open up, you got a bad tooth is that it?’
When he saw the problem’s cause he recoiled in horror. It looked like someone had stuffed a mousetrap in her mouth.
‘We have to get that out of you.’
But Audacity flinched when his hand came near, and that was almost as bad as seeing what was clamped to her tongue. She shook her head so vigorously her cap fell off.
‘What’s the matter? What’s the problem?’ Steam was beginning to trickle from Redman’s collar again. ‘Here, take this.’
Something clanked as he handed the girl a pen, but Redman was too concerned to wonder what it was just yet. It was what she was drawing that took all his concentration.
‘Oh...’
Redman’s voice tailed off and he deflated a little like a puffer fish that had had a pin stuck in it. He was looking at a picture of a man.
‘Is that errrr... Mr Audacity?’
The light of his life pushed the drawing toward Redman with a proud smile on her face, and nodded vigorously.
‘Oh dear.’
The picture took up most of the page, but she’d managed to get all the details in thought Redman, right down to the tattoo’s and the scar on his neck.
Audacity started scribbling again so hard he thought she’d break the pen; and when she’d finished he saw she’d drawn a little cartoon. It was the sort that didn’t make you smile.
‘He hit you?’
Audacity was bouncing up and down, and he couldn’t help but crane his neck to see what was making all the noise.
‘And he put that on you?’ Redman pointed at the chain fastened round one of the girl’s ankles. ‘I’m not standing for this.’
He didn’t know exactly what he was going to do about the chain, but he could certainly help with the contraption in her mouth. Redman kicked one leg onto the bar. He’d hardly gotten his fingers on her chin before she jumped away waving her hands frantically and pointing at a sign over her head.
‘Property of the Wonderland Company.’
Read Redman carefully, and frowned. The thought of his beloved being hurt was making his heart ache enough as it was. He paused, and thought so deeply you could hear cogs turn.
‘There must be a way,’ He snapped his fingers and fixed Audacity with steely eyes. ‘Open wider, so I can get a look.’
Audacity obliged by yawning so wide he could see her tonsils.
‘I see the problem; if you press...’ He gave up and demonstrated; giving his fingers a wiggle. ‘There...there...and there,’ Redman finished pointing out where the metal had clamped her voice, and stepped back, ‘it’ll come apart; you try.’
But Audacity was having none of it. She’d backed away so far she looked in danger of knocking the bottles off their shelves, and Redman supposed he could see why. If Mr Audacity caught her disobeying his wishes there’d be hell to pay. He pounded the bar a couple of times in frustration.
‘This is ridiculous. I can’t help if you won’t let me.’
Redman could just tell she wanted him to save her and he couldn’t stand there and do nothing. Behind the girl there was something that might be of use.
‘Now I don’t want any nonsense out of you’
This time Redman didn’t waste time trying to clamber over the bar. He vaulted, and the box was in his hands a moment later. There was a click as his tongue went numb.
‘Ngggh,’ grinned Redman happily and sat down on the floor beside his lady, putting the empty box of mousetraps on the floor. ‘Ngggh.’
-
That was how Hunter found them as he slid his haircut through the door.
‘Aud?’
For a moment he wondered why the cinema was in darkness and then he realised there was a tiny circle of light where a lamp had been knocked over. His feet crunched as he stepped further in amongst the broken glass and empty beer bottles. He could see movement noaw. Two figures were brandishing what looked like placards.
‘Aud that’s you isn’t it? And Redman? I didn’t think you’d be here this early.’
Redman was well known as a night owl. After the sun had gone down people were less likely to remark on his colour and wonder why he didn’t have claws like a crab. A chain clanked as he put his placard down and opened his mouth.
Hunter very nearly freaked at that because there was more metal between his teeth than a gypsy on her death bed.
‘What the hell have you got in your mouth, man?’
Hunter produced a hair comb and adjusted his afro until he didn’t feel quite so strung out. Not that the couple on the floor seemed bothered. They just laughed so hard their mouths clicked. Audacity held up a picture.
‘I see, it’s a device of some kind.’
When he’d had a closer look it was clear as day what was going on.
‘A marital abuse solidarity sit in?’
It made sense, there was a reason why Audacity was made up like a doll all the time. It covered up her scars. Hunter was wary though. He’d had his run ins with the liberationists before; even lobbed a few bombs in his time. But the punishment for his last offence had been severe. He’d been in splints for months.
‘I know what to do.’
There was only one thing that could be done really, and Hunter was just the man for it. He’d already spent the day in the hills and had most of the ingredients back home.
‘I’ll soon have those cuffs off.’
But when he looked both members of the sit in were shaking their heads so violently they clanked. That was when the lights went out, and a shadow fell across them then was as deep and dark as the night itself.
‘What are you doing in here whizz kid?’
Hunter turned to the door his skin crawling with dread.
‘Not the hair, please, not the hair.’
‘Where’s Audacity?’
He was expecting a brute of some description and was readying an excuse when he realised the voice was coming from a figure that barely reached his waist. Fair enough the dwarf had more tattoos and scars than a Hells Angel after a road crash, but he was still only four feet tall.
‘Not here, she quit her job. You can’t hurt her anymore.’
Hunter stepped in front of Audacity and Redman hoping his afro would block the view, but he had a feeling the dwarf could see round kneecaps, probably through them as well.
‘I told her; no talking to strangers.’
‘She works in a cinema, man. What do you expect?’
‘She can draw can’t she? Stand up Aud. I know you; you’ve been leading them on haven’t you?’
Chain tinkled sadly as the girl got to her feet, but Hunter was quicker. He closed his eyes and aligned his hair vaguely aware of the gasps of surprise from behind as his feet left the floor. Once he was comfortably cross legged in the air he made the sign of the wanderer and made sure the dwarf knew exactly where he really stood.
‘You will not harm them. They are under my protection.’
It would have been better with Yak trumpets in the background he supposed. But Hunter had long progressed beyond tenth level cosmology since he’d returned to the West. Distractions like that were no longer entirely necessary.
‘What will it cost to buy her freedom?’
The dwarf sneered. ‘She’s my wife. She promised to love, honour, and obey, until death do us part.’
‘You haven’t heard my offer yet. I can see you’re a man that likes getting his own way. What would you say if I gave you the disciples of Westminster?’
‘No one can do that. They’re too well armed. Even the ALF couldn’t get to them. They say the CI’s going in into the livestock management field when he retires. He’ll need them.
‘But you’re open to the suggestion?’
‘Of course, but I deserve to have my washing up done too. You start with the little problems then tackle the big ones.’
‘If I hand you the disciples you could get the CI himself to do it. He’d be your bitch.’
Even from where Redman and Audacity were sat they could see the dwarfs eyes light up.
‘The CI himself?’
Mr Audacity cracked his knuckles as an evil grin spread across his face.
‘Alright, but all of them you understand? And I want them here before the evening show starts.’
The dwarf left and sunlight returned to the foyer. Hunter lowered himself to the ground; the disciple’s gambit always worked. Those things had fooled more people than an army of Scientologists ever could.
‘He’s gone now, stay still.’
Audacity nodded frantically, the whites of her eyes showing as she showed her manacles.
‘Mmmmmmph.’
Hunter winked and pulled the pot he kept under his jacket into the light.
‘I’ve been siphoning it off for years. Bad blood, the finest quality. Nobody even notices when it’s gone: if you’re careful.’
The blood inside the pot shivered and trembled as it tried to crawl up the glass.
‘Mmmmmmph?’
‘Yes, it’s scared, but don’t worry, it won’t harm you. It’s not sentient enough for that.’
Hunter produced a knife and began to spread it on Audacity’s ankle. Soon she was slippery as a fish and Hunter was starting to salivate a little.
‘You next Redman.’
When they were both free Hunter glanced from Audacity to Redman, and back again.
‘Now that I’ve freed you I want you to answer a question. You first Redman.’
Hunter removed the mouse trap from the man’s mouth waiting until he’d finished gasping and spluttering.
‘Ready?’
Redman nodded.
‘What is it you lack most?’
‘How do you mean?’
Hunter saw where Redman’s eyes were going. ‘Forget about her Redman. You’re not setting a foot beyond that door until you’ve answered me.’
Hunter took a step back because Redman was beginning to steam worse than a kettle. In the end though it was no good Redman kept on expanding until he’d forced them both out the door. With one final almighty POP Redman burst and the sky was filled with little scraps of confetti each one emblazoned with a hammer and sickle in gold.
‘And you Aud, what do you lack most in the world?
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