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This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book... “the Lighthouse” Down in the Dirt, v152 (the December 2017 Issue)  You can also order this 6"x9" issue as a paperback book:  |
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The Sky Diver
Robert Bettelheim
The wind howled about the hangar and Harry turned and twisted on his bed trying to get back to sleep in the living quarters of the small shack attached to it. He sweated heavily. He had awakened from a recurring nightmare. He cursed silently, ‘Goddammit...that dream again.’ This was going to be another one of those sleepless nights. Years had passed since that terrible...incident. The dreams had not ceased. ‘Jenny, sweet adorable wild untamable Jenny’...in all his years as a sky diving pilot he had never met the likes of her. It had always been the same dream; he was free falling between sky and earth totally naked, no chute, no harness, feeling the fear and terror that Jenny must have felt before her death. This dream, always so acute and intense, that he would awake with a beating heart still full of the horror and panic of it, would never let go of him. He knew now that this would haunt him to the end of his days. Dear poor Jenny; she had been so very alive and vibrant, living every second of her life. ‘I’ve kept this to myself long enough.’ He thought, ‘it’s high time I told somebody about it’ but he did not believe that he ever would. Harry, past sixty, aware that there would be many more nights like this one, felt his age. Usually a few drinks would help him fall asleep, but the weekend was coming on and the sky-diving center would be full of weekend sky divers that traded gear from him, he could not afford to be blurred. Having seen those two rookie guys at the cafeteria by the drop zone last week had reminded him of the two that had tried to save Jenny in freefall. Only one had survived.
Wayne, passed forty, senor at his office, had been advised by his family doctor to lead a more active life and had chosen sky-diving as a break-away from his family and as a daring and adventurous occupation for his weekends. It would not be as exertive as running or walking and would give him a halo of daredevil and glory to bask in and something to talk and boast about at the office and at parties. It was a sign of his status and the envy of the lower paid and less elevated.
Fred, also past forty and Wayne, both from Manhattan N.Y. had met at an AFF course {Accelerated free fall} in Long island and become friendly. They had both had trained on the ground, done dirt dives as this is called and made a tandem dive with an instructor. They traded their experiences and impressions. Both had admitted to being scared and this admission had brought them closer. The adrenalin that the act of jumping out of a plane had created had been worth it and had been addictive. They wanted more. They were older than most of the sky jumpers around and found comfort in each other {though they would never have admitted it} and had jumped together, passed the customary ten dives with instructors and then a solo check dive and got their licenses. All in all, including renting the gear, this had cost them over a couple of grand. Now they were members of the USPA {United States Parachute Association.} and could skydive on their own. Gear costs, especially good gear and for now they had mostly rented stuff. In time they intended to buy their own.
Wayne had paid a professional to take pictures of himself in the air and he had those enlarged and hung up on his office.
There were two of them now, friends and buddies. They were both ‘young’ executives with well paid jobs and had wives and families. The weather allowing, every other weekend or so, those three would get themselves to the Center and do some skydiving. The two of them noted and shared all common expenses. They were amateurs and not professionals and did not have much ambition to sky dive in formations, which they had tried with some minor success a few times.
Fred and Wayne had wives and kids, The first few times those had come along and were bored sitting around in the adjoining cafeteria, near the drop zone, waiting and doing nothing. Watching dad skydive, and being a hero is great, but it took too long, the rest of the time would be a drag and in time they had all begged off, wives kids and all.
Between dives, the jumpers too, would pass the time in the cafeteria. There were always a few skydivers about waiting their turn, sometimes with their families or with kids waiting for their daddies to show up. This place also happened to be a meeting place for jumpers and many stories and information could be passed around.
The friends would talk about their homes, families and office politics and naturally about their skydiving experiences. The exhilaration of free falling in the sky was challenged by the charm and elation of floating down in a parachute by Fred.
“There is nothing like it, suddenly all is quiet and peaceful and on a clear day the view is spectecular and the sunsets can be really terrific.”
“Freefall is the thing for me.” Wayne would say to that, “You fly in the sky, you can turn around, twist around, only it’s so short. I hardly finish stretching when the dytter warns me that I have to pull the handle. I tried some floating, but I guess that I’m just too heavy.” {A dytter is an audible altimeter, so that a diver can hear the decision altitude which is somewhere between 2500 and 1800 feet. After that there is not much use in opening a chute.}
They had talked some more and had been overheard by an older grizzly guy sitting alone at the next table. “You guys are Boogies then, I got some gear for sale, not new, but good and tried stuff in excellent condition. You want to see? In my car outside.”
“I always buy new stuff.” Fred said.
“Who are you calling Boogies?” Wayne was up in arms.
“I mean guys who do it for fun, not professionals. No insult intended.”
“None taken.” Fred said quickly. The guy had obviously meant no harm. “I could do with some gear of my own, most of my gear is rented, what you got?”
“Name’s Harry. Come and have a look. I can guarantee the quality. The best! You guys ever do over thirteen thousand?”
“No, not yet.” Wayne answered.
“I’m Fred, I’ll see what you got.”
“Ok. I’ll just go and unpack, my car’s the pickup outside. Takes me some minutes. He said and went out.
Fred and Wayne remained in their places.
“I would never buy used gear.” Wayne said.
“Me neither.” Fred remarked. Ignoring the fact that the gear they had rented was not new either.
They sat there sipping their drinks.
The weather had gone bad on them, and they were not sure if they could get in another jump, so they loafed out to Harry’s car to see for themselves what the guy had in there. There was a small trailer connected to it and he showed them. There were diving suits, helmets, goggles, altimeters of every kind, gloves, boots, there were chutes, complete rigs, some still sealed in their wrappings and a whole lot of paraphernalia of gear stuff for every possible occasion. It all looked in peak condition.
“How do we know if that stuff’s any good?” Wayne asked.
Fred kidded; “If a parachute doesn’t open then we get our dough back, right?”
This made Wayne nervous. “This is one subject you don’t joke about” He snorted.
“Ask around.” Harry said. “I’ve sold gear to many of the guys, there have been no complaints so far. Some of the gear is not new. I get it from guys that have stopped jumping for one reason or another. I check it and fix it up myself and sell it for less than the store does. I am a licensed Master Rigger. Gear costs and you can save yourselves a lot of cash that way. I do repairs too and I personally guarantee any stuff I sell. That rented stuff you got isn’t new either. I am here every Tuesdays and weekends.”
“That’s a nice sales pitch.” Fred said. “Do you have an address and a phone number listed?”
“Here!” Harry pulled out a card. “Keep it.” They studied it. All the information they had sought was there right on the card. “I got a Cessna 180 right here, you guys buy enough gear from me and you get a jump free, ...twelve thousand feet. No waiting in line.”
One of the disadvantages in that drop zone is that the diving center had many jumpers and few planes and for economy’s sake, they were large ones that could take in whole groups of jumpers so that there is often a queue. First, one had to wait in line to get on. Second; different groups that had formed, jumping at different times and altitudes. You had to wait for your turn and were told when to jump. “Are you a licensed pilot?” Wayne asked carefully.
“Sure am, used to jump too.”
A strong wind had come up pushing the rain that had started before it. Harry closed up and they rushed back inside. When they had settled down with some coffee and light drinks, Wayne had asked Harry; “You don’t jump anymore? You’re not that old yet.” He observed.
“I still jump sometimes, but not much, my heart isn’t in it anymore.”
“What happened?” .
“An....accident. I don’t much like to talk about it, maybe sometime later... Listen are you guys going to buy some of my gear or talk all day?”
Fred had been busy writing on a piece of paper. “Actually I have made a list of gear that I want and I’d like you to choose the stuff yourself. I’ll trust you on this. You seem the professional, I’m just a rookie.” He shoved the list towards Harry. He had made a long one.
Harry scrutinized the list. “You don’t need all that stuff, not at first anyway. He pointed to an article. “That won’t help you any, it just looks good, on the other hand you might need some weights and a hook knife with a strap on sheath.”
He had impressed the friends with his know-how and they started warming up to him. Wayne asked him if he thought that he needed a different headset and Fred too wanted some advice. In the end the three had ordered a long list of gear from Harry. It was still raining outside.
“There’s no hurry, Fred said, we won’t be jumping today it seems.
“It might clear up in some hours.” Harry said.
“I heard the weather-guy on the station, he said that there’s no letting up to day. We might as well drive home.”
“Maybe” Harry said. “But I still say that there is a good chance of the weather getting better.”
They sat around and discussed their gear. Harry was a gold mine of information and they began to realize that they all had, in their anxiety of the dangers of skydiving, needlessly overloaded themselves with much useless stuff. With all their gear on them, their jumps had been awkward and needlessly cumbersome.
“So what do you think that we need, and what should we get rid off?” He was asked.
“You guys don’t do formations yet?”
“We tried a few times, but we don’t get it right, so we left off.” Fred said. “We’re just here for relaxation and fun.”
“I have a suggestion; you let me handle your stuff. I’ll take the gear that you don’t need for now and outfit you with identical jumpsuits and rigs that I’ve got. You’re a.a.d’s are o.k. but I’ve got better ones, Cypress, you want the best with those. All three of you and we do a trial flight...on me, as soon as the weather clears.”
How much will this cost us?” Wayne asked.
“A lot, but less than it would to get it from the store and I take the gear that you don’t need off your hands. Do the math. You get a free flight and instructions. You want to talk this over among yourselves?”
He did not wait for an answer, but got up. “I’ve got other business to attend to. Be back in a short while.” He left.
“Should we trust this guy?” Wayne asked.
“I think so.” Fred said. “He knows a lot, having a certificate does not make us real jumpers yet. We could do with his help.”
“He claims to be a master rigger. Watne said. “I wonder whether I would buy a used car from him?”
“We could ask to see his certificate.” Fred said thoughtfully.
“We’ll do just that and we’ll settle on a trail run with his gear, then we’ll decide.” Wayne had said thoughtfully. They all agreed to that.
When Harry came back, he had an attaché case with him. he pulled out an official looking document. It showed him as a Master Rigger, he could fix gear and repair chutes among a long list of other paraphernalia and accessories.
“I’ll bet that you guys didn’t believe me” He chuckled. “I don’t blame you. So how about it?”
Wayne said; “We do a trial run first, with your gear. Then we settle the deal. That o.k.?”
“Some of our stuff is rented for the day.” Fred said.
“Return it. We do the math after the jump.” Harry told him. “I’m doing you guys a favor.”
“Why would you do that? You don’t know us.” Wayne said.
“I had two guys, that remind me of you people awhile back. They stopped jumping and it’s some of their stuff that I have. The best!”
“Why did they stop?” Fred asked.
“They got spooked.” He said shortly. They could tell that he was not inclined to talk about it.
The rain had not stopped, but the wind had abated. They got in their cars and followed Harry out of the D.Z. to a wooded area and drove for a few minutes to some kind of a hangar-shed that Harry used. There he helped them outfit themselves. The weather began to clear somewhat. Harry slid some doors back and there stood a Cessna. It looked just large enough to hold one or two passengers, but Harry assured them that it can hold three or four jumpers with all their gear. The two looked forward to this bonus that seemed to have fallen in their lap.
Wayne looked around while Harry and the others were busy with the gear. They were in a typical working shed, garage like with tools hanging from the walls and cupboards for gear. Parts of dismantled gear and devices were lying around on some working tables. Wayne noticed an enlarged photo that had been crudely taped to the wall. It was of a naked girl. One could tell that she is not a professional model. She stood awkwardly, arms on narrow hips, small breasts, a sarcastic smile on her features and jutting her pelvis out. A tuft of pubic hair above her pussy showed. Provocative and offensive, it had the same impact as if she had given the finger to whoever took that shot of her, an audacious smile on her face. It seemed to project ‘fuck you’ to the whole world. Wayne stared.
“Who’s that?” Wayne pointed to the photo.
Harry looked up from whatever he had been doing, an impatient expression on his face. “No one, just a photo I got out of some magazine.” He said shortly.
He had been abrupt and it was obviously a lie. Wayne wisely did not pursue the subject. When Gerald and Fred had finished the arrangements with their gear they had a look too. Fred whistled; “I sure wouldn’t mind doing that one.”
“You’re a married man.” Wayne reminded him, needlessly.
“Cut the crap.” Harry barked. “The weather’s cleared. Help me push the plane out and we can get a jump in before dark.”
“You haven’t checked my stuff yet.” Wayne said.
“You coming in on this deal? I got the notion that you weren’t interested.” Harry said.
“I changed my mind. If we can get identical suits, we might do some minor formations after all.”
“O.k. let’s see what you got.”
He checked out Wayne’s stuff. He weighed all of them on a scale. Wayne was the heaviest and Harry gave them some weights to equalize their exit weight. “Now you guys are ready.”
Harry let each of them know the sum that they would have to pay. He had subtracted the stuff he took from them. It turned out to be less than half, that they would have to pay in the store.
When they had finished they pushed the Cessna out. A stretch of cleared road acted as a landing strip.
“This is where we take off?” Fred asked surprised and dismayed.
“This is where we take off and I land. I’ve done it a few thousand times. You’ve got nothing to worry about on that count. You do your jump and I do the landing. I’ll pick you up to your cars.” Harry instructed. “As this is the first time, I’ll take you to eleven thousand, o.k”
“We use the center’s drop zone?” Wayne asked.
“Yes, I have an arrangement with them.”
They were a quiet and subdued three guys that boarded the plane. Harry started and warmed the engine and they took off as easy as a bird. Harry showed himself to be an expert professional and they felt it and gained confidence. He climbed to the height, turning the plane at the same time and talking to the center. He got the all clear and leveled out and signed to them to be ready. They jumped; Fred first, and Wayne last. Their identical suits and calculated exit weights made it easy for them to stay together in the air. They had fun and landed on target one after the other. It had been a successful jump.
While they waited for Harry to pick them up they did a short happy post drive and wrote it down in their log books. Wayne had an idea; “Listen Fred, this is much better than waiting in line and jumping together after a lot of other guys.” He began.
They always had been told when and where and how to jump and now they wanted to be more independent. Fred saw where Wayne is going with this. “You mean like chartering the guy and his plane? That might cost us a pretty penny.” Fred remarked.
“This guy seems to have a soft spot for us, I don’t know why, but I got the feeling that he’ll let us have this at a discount. We can ask. What have we got to lose?”
The idea grew on them as they discussed this. “We did save a lot of cash on the stuff we got from him.” Fred reminded them.
Harry came to collect them. “Everything go well?”
“Right as rain.” Fred said. Wayne agreed. Fred let Wayne do the talking. This used to be one thing that Wayne did well. He took a seat next to Harry as he drove them to their cars and hinted at how good it had been and maybe they could do this again.... When they got back, they all remained in the shed to work out the details of a deal between them. It would cost, but they would split it two ways and had decided that it would be worth it.
Harry was a riddle to them. He proved himself very helpful and expertise on the many issues of skydiving. He had done it all and he knew it all, but he kept apart and held them at a distance, even when kidding around with the three. It seemed that he had sort of adopted them. He never let on if he chartered his plane to other guys, {not that this was any of their business, but they would have liked to know.} He seemed to make enough money to get by, fixing and selling gear and rigs and competing with the store at the diving center. The three had got used to his ways and had learned to trust him.
They often discussed Harry and Fred who seemed the more sensitive of the two said; “Seems to me, that he acts sort of subdued like, I would almost say cowed...”
“Why should that be?” Wayne asked, “The guy knows more about sky jumps than anyone that we have met at the center.”
“We sure are lucky to have him.” Fred added to this. “No more waiting for jumps.”
“Fred, you remember that pic of a naked girl in that workshop of his? It’s gone. He must have taken it down, maybe she had something to do with it.” Wayne suggested.
“She didn’t look like something he had cut out of a magazine.” Fred said. “Maybe she was his girl and she left him.”
“We don’t know that. Maybe they are still together.”
“She could be dead for all we know.” Fred added.
“You mean like an accident, a jump gone bad?”
“Could be anything.”
“He did mention an accident once and he had not wanted to talk about it.”
Skydiving is fraught with accidents, small and not so little, some ending with broken bones and death and tales of this are spread around and talked about as sky jumpers lore. They are at the back of every jumper’s mind and the gear and safety precautions are all tuned to that. Harry himself would occasionally remark that a guy that is not scared will make a bad jumper.
The two were amators and Harry rubbed their noses in it. He never let them forget that. He did this gently and kindly, but firmly. They had put themselves into Harry’s hands and nothing had happened to make them regret it. In fact, the opposite was true; they often thanked their lucky stars in coming across that guy. He repeatedly kept them from making mistakes. He always reminded them that it is the professionals that had confidence in themselves and thought that they knew it all, that had most of the accidents.
With Harry’s help and guidance they managed to do some formation diving, just the three of them and it had been sort of fun. They found themselves so occupied with each other and keeping their balance in the short time that they had, that they had no time to feel the original thrill of sky diving, that for them included having a look around the horizon and the tiny looking buildings rushing up from below. Formation diving had just too much hard work and less fun. Most of the time they preferred their independence and jumped each for himself.
Fred liked ‘Hop Pop.’ Meaning; to opening his chute as soon as he safely could and enjoying the floating around and using his toggles and steering lines a lot. Occasionally he would drift too far away and had to work hard to land on target, or even near the target.
Wayne had wanted to try some high altitude-jumping to have a longer period of free fall. Wayne turned out to be the kind that enjoyed the freedom of being in the air in free-fall and would open his chute at the last moment that it was safe to do so. When he had asked Harry about the possibility of higher altitude flights, the latter had denied him bluntly. “You need oxygen and a different warmer jumpsuit. One little mistake can make you black out. You’re not ready yet. Not on my plane!”
This had not been the first time that subject had come up. Wane backed off, he did not like it, but he knew as well as Fred that in sky-diving matters Harry was always right. They all knew that by being very careful Harry had most likely saved them at one time or another from many mishaps and hitches that plague so many rookie jumpers. Due to his guidance all had gone smoothly so far. “O.k. You boss man!” Wane said.
Once they sat around Harry’s hangar waiting for the weather to clear. The forecast for the weekend had not been decisive and they had taken a chance. The weather had turned foul with a strong wind and heavy rain alternatively and it seemed that even Harry had given up any hope of them making a jump. There were always beer cans around, but Harry would never let them have any before a jump. Now he broke out a six-pack and handed it around. He seemed in a morose mood. The rain made a noise hammering on the roof and the wind moaned. They drank silently subdued by the violence outside. The second six-pack was well on the way of being demolished when Fred kidded; “I’m not driving home in that storm. You got a bed-fellow tonight Harry, whether you like it or not.”
Harry grunted.
“It sounds worse in here, than it is.” Wayne commented. “What a damn waste. We’ve been sitting on our asses all day.” Wayne felt impatient and frustrated.
Harry lifted his head; I’m going to tell you guys a story.” His eyes were bleary from the beer. He opened another can and drank heavily from it. “I did have a strange bed-fellow once. A girl, maybe over thirty years younger than me, maybe even forty, somewhere between her twenties and thirties, I guess. Who can tell with women? She bummed around. Guys, she wasn’t a whore or anything like that, but she did take money from men. She did what she liked and did not give a shit about anything. She seemed to like sky-divers for some reason and hung around the diving center. I’m not a ladies man, so I ignored her, well at first anyway. I saw her around, wearing her jeans in the summer with a t-shirt and a pilot’s jacket and overalls when it got cold in the winter. I never saw her in a dress or made up like the ladies do. I knew her name...Jenny.
Maybe she looked younger than her years, being small, petite, you know and skinny, I never found out her age or her past and I never found out where she kept herself either. She was one close mouthed little bitch. At that time I did many flights at different altitudes and was very busy. One group I had were three guys just like you, only they were not beginners...”
“We’ve been at this for a year now.” Fred interupted.
“Shut up.” Wayne said.
“Don’t fool yourselves, you guys are rookies, what you don’t know about sky-diving could fill a book.” Harry said. “Those guys were good, I had tought them. They were not professionals, but they knew their stuff. By the way that gear that you got from me is theirs, the best there is. Well anyway this gal Jenny started ogling one of those guys, trying to make him take her up on a jump.
I stop this kind of thing before it gets started. “No one gets on my plane that doesn’t jump off!” I told her that in no uncertain terms.
“You really are an old bear!” She had said to me.
“That so?”
“I don’t mind trying a sky dive.”
“That’s very nice of you. You don’t try a sky-dive! One trains for it. You train a lot! and then maybe you’re ready.”
“The hell with that. You professionals always make a big deal about things.”
“Believe me, it is a big deal. One can get killed from a small mistake.”
“Fuck you!” She said as she left.
‘What the hell,’ I thought to myself. ‘Stupid bitch.’
A week or two later she accosted me, using my name as if she had known me all her life; “Harry, they tell me that you are the best. I want you to teach me how to skydive.” The way it sounded was like she is asking me for a drink or a ride home. Skydiving is not something to be taken up lightly.
“Can you pay?” I asked her bluntly. It felt mean because I knew that she couldn’t and I had wanted to rub it in. I had seen her with guys and it had become common knowledge that she took money. To me she looked the kind of girl that thought everything should be handed to her on a silver platter. Her pussy was her bank account.
“I can pay.” She answered. “Maybe not in money.”
“I’m not much of a guy for girls, I don’t want that.”
“Every one does, don’t kid me, don’t kid yourself.”
There was some truth in that and it made me mad. I turned my back on her and left her. Some days later I got home and saw that my garage and hanger had been cleaned. Everything looked tidy and spic. I always leave a mess and I am used to it. I know where everything is kept and that’s what counts, but the place did look kind of nice.”
“Is she still around?” Fred asked. “The place does look tidy.”
“I clean up now.” Harry said shortly. “What the hell you guys don’t want to listen to this.” He sunk into himself. Rain and hail battered on the roof making a deafening noise. No one said anything.
When the noise subsided somewhat, Fred ventured. “Is she still around?”
“I got pictures of her, but I can’t show you that.”
“I think that we might have seen one.” Wayne said on a wild guess. He had remembered the photo of that naked girl that Harry had taken down from the wall.
“You been snooping around, damn it.”
“Sure,” Wayne said easily. “You had it tapped to the wall.”
“Well it can’t do her any harm, that for sure.” Harry said.
“What about her?” Fred encouraged him to get on with his tale.
Well the long and short of it is that I took her in. She changed the whole idea of the female sex for me. She was wild free and easy and she never harmed anybody if she could help it. Being wild and free is not what helps one to be a skydiver, it is discipline, training and being careful. A part of me liked her wild free ways, but getting her into training turned out to be more like taming a wild horse. She got acquainted with my favorite team, the two guys that I told you about. You got most of their gear. They were all married, but they could not resist her. She always had slept around and now she did it with the three of us.”
“You let her do that?”
“No. I didn’t, but I could not control her. I could have thrown her out, and I guess I sort of fell for her. We all did. She really was a nice person. She didn’t have a mean bone in her body.”
“Was there no jealousy? Fred asked.
“Strange as it might sound, I remember very little of that. Jenny took care of it and I found out that I wasn’t at all resentful, but at first I was jealous and furious.”
“Goddamit Jenny, you’re behaving like a whore.” I accused her. “Are we together or not. You can’t fuck around like that.”
“Why the hell not? If I want to.”
“You’re with me! That’s why not.”
“You don’t own me. Nobody owns me.”
“But we’re together.”
“Harry you are one hell of a nice guy, beneath all the gruffness.” She said to me. “I like you a lot, but I have paid for my freedom. No one tells me what to do! Take it or leave it.”
I took it. Life seemed brighter with her around and not only because of the sex. Actually we did not have that much of it, but having her around was like having some kind of an angel about. We had pulled two cots together, but there were nights that she spent away and I had learned not to ask her about her goings and comings. I counted the time blessed when she was here.
The four of us often became five, as she would come for the ride. I would not let her jump yet, but she would get around me.”
“No one does that!” Fred exclaimed. Wayne chuckled.
“Well she did, through the other guys; they accused me of being too fussy and behaving like an old maid.”
“Harry, no offense meant, but you are a careful guy.” Wayne said.
“Careful?” He burst out. “Fuck you guys, you should have seen me before....” He stopped suddenly, then he continued. “What the hell do you know about it. I was a stunt man. I did free fall jumps from eighteen thousand feet, even higher sometimes. They all called me the daredevil of the sky. There was nothing I wouldn’t do!”
They were quiet, not knowing how to answer that outburst. There had been a lot of emotion in it. The rain had slowed down, the noise on the roof had dimnished and the silence made itself felt all the more.
Wayne said carefully. “You said before, before what?”
Harry did not answer immediately, then he said, “I’ll show you, I’ve kept this to myself long enough.” He got up and put on a jacket. “Let’s go.”
The three followed him to his car and they got in. “Where to?” Wayne asked. “You’ll see.” Harry said shortly. They drove off. Behind the hangar he turned into an unused looking pass at right angles to the small airstrip. It led into a wooded area and they did not see much except for trees. Harry did not drive for long. They came to an opening between the trees and the car stopped. They saw a lovely spot, part of it a grassy plain and some parts were dotted with small bushes, for some reason the trees had not grown there. It was the size of a football stadium and the kind of place that induced one to frisk and run around. A drizzle had started again lightly. They noticed a grave with a board nailed to a stake stuck in it. It did not look like a freshly dug grave and there was no headstone, just a mound of earth with some weeds on it and that board. Harry got out.
“Its still raining.” Someone reminded him.
“Yeah.” He grunted and went to the grave. They got out and followed him. A few words had been burnt into that board, they made three short lines; The first was ‘Jenny’ and under it, ‘a free spirit’. The third line had the date of her death, two years back. The rain had dwindled to a drizzle.
They stood silently around the grave. Only Wayne dared to comment; “That her?”
“Yeh.”
“No other name? Nothing else?”
“I never learned it. She did not talk about her past.”
“No kin?”
“She never talked about it.”
“How did she die?”
Harry did not answer.
“Some kind of sky diving accident, I’ll bet.” Fred said.
“It was no accident.” Harry let out.
“What do you mean by that?”
Fred had already jumped to conclusions. “Is that why she is hidden here?” He asked.
“I wanted her nearby.” Harry said shortly. He walked back to the car. They climbed in with him. “Are you going to tell us about it?” Wayne asked him.
“Maybe, let’s get back first. I need a good stiff drink.”
The short trip back passed in silence. They all were wondering what might have happened to that girl?
The rain had not been that strong but they were all moist from it and crowded around the heater. Harry brewed some strong coffee and found some whisky to go with it. They all had some. Fred realized that with this on top of all the beer that they had, that even if the bad weather cleared up, they would be in no condition to make a jump. “The day is all shot to hell, you might as well tell us about her.”
“She was the best there is.” Harry went on pursuing a train of thought, continuing with it as if he had not paused. “She had her free ways that brought all of us to her feet. She was a skinny little bitch, half the size of me, but man! could she twist us around! She had us eating out of her hands.” He paused. She wasn’t beautiful but she had a vitality and a freshness and we fed on it. It nourished our souls.
“I don’t get it.” Wayne said, “Was she a whore or not?”
“Goddammit!” Harry burst out, “You sonofabitch, nothing is a simple as that....she fucked around, yeh, that for sure...and she got money off guys for things she wanted, or needed, that too, but in a natural sort of friendly, buddy like way. It was never a business transaction. You see what I mean?... a part of a...kind of natural give and take thing. Let me tell you sonny, we all got more out of it than she did. She projected what we all of us wanted to be; free, free of our lives, of our routines and schedules and obligations financial and otherwise. When she was around it felt like some kind of a drug. The goddam world seemed shinier and more open. Everything could be possible; her favorite say was; “Why the hell not?”
He stopped. They had never heard him talk so much and so long. Much of it had been said in an indignant tone of voice.
Wayne said. “Sorry Harry. I did not mean anything demeaning. I just wanted to get it cleared up. I apologize. I truly do.”
“I know that you didn’t mean anything by it.” Harry said, “but others did, especially some of the spouses of the guys around.”
“So what happened?” Someone asked.
“She attached herself to us and we liked it. I got this private little airstrip here and there was no need to hang around the drop zone area, except for waiting to be picked up after the jump. She had got some heat around the place and was not too happy about it, so she stuck to us here. I guess that sky diving became a kind of symbol to her, she loved the free fall more than the other stuff...”
“So do I.” Wayne interjected.
Harry ignored that, his eyes were turned inwards. The wind began to howl outside and there was another burst of rain. It hammered against the windows and roof. They waited untill most of it had subsided They crowded around the heater, a strong one and Harry had turned it on to full.
“We all tought her to skydive,” He said finally. “We all helped her with her stuff and gear that I found for her. She did not take too easily to advice either, but it usually was us three against her and mostly we talked her down. In her heart she knew that we were right and that we cared for her...” He stopped again in deep thought.
“Well what is it?”
“I do believe that she had been testing us....” He seemed to have a revelation. “To see how far she could go and how much we cared. She used to say; ‘Why the hell not’ to us, all over the place. It was her favorite say.”
You already said that.”
“So I did, so I did.” He mused. “She sure used that phrase a lot and it became a kind of symbol to us and we would tease her about it. All in fun of course. The four of us were together every weekend, but in between she would come and stay here, then again she might leave for some days and I had learned not to ask too many questions. Jenny could have a sharp tongue when she wanted. Sometimes she would ask me some hard questions, like;”
“Why are you so over careful always?”
“Why the hell not?” I would hit it back at her.
“I’m serious. This is life! What the hell are we supposed to do? Be careful all our lives? Never stick our heads out?”
“It’s a good scheme.” I would say, “For a long and healthy life.”
“A dead one, a boring one. Like Zombies. You call that living?”
“Listen kiddo, I was a stuntman in my time. I had long while back boasted of this to her and she knew all about it. She also knew that every stunt is prepared and tested with safety precautions and has been rehearsed before executing it. Still there had been risks, something could always go wrong. She knew that too. She said nothing but I could tell that she wasn’t convinced.
Some people just do not have the right attitude to skydiving, she hadn’t and I should never have let her skydive, but I had a weak spot where she was concerned. Spot! A spot as big as an airfield! I liked her recklessness and her largeness in spending the precious gifts of life. I gave in to her, a part of me knew that this wasn’t so good or healthy, but I talked myself down. We trained her and got her ready for her maiden jump. We all would kid her that it is the only thing maiden about her. When she wasn’t with me here, I guessed that she might be in New York or somewhere near, with one of the other three guys of our little group, but I had learned not to ask her about it. She had done a tandem a few times and now her first solo would come. She showed no visible fear.
“You guys will take good care of me, Right?”
“No, we just toss you off the plane and that’s it.” Someone had kidded.
“This had not just been the normal anxiousness before a solo. It had been a clue to her person, a hint of what would come. She had tested us before to see how much we really cared for her and in her mind we must have passed similar experiments and assessments many times, yet there was a part in her that is never satisfied and had to test us repeatedly. I know that now, but then I never gave this much attention. This is hindsight I guess. Life does not point-out the clues for us.”
“That indicates some lack of security.” Fred had dared this observation.
“I should have known better. Thinking back now, I can see where I went wrong. Jenny had to test every one and everything and just once is no good, she had to do this over and over. This explains her free and easy ways. She slept around not only for the dough, but to see just how far she could get. She tested me too, all the time, to see my reaction to her ways.”
“So sky diving was a part of that? ”
“Sure was.”
Fred said, “That reminds me of my kids, always trying to see just how far they can get with us.”
“She was a kid, if anything. She needed and searched for love and constant reassurance, it never let off.”
“So what happened on that maiden flight?”
The three of them dropped off and from the plane everything seemed alright. I landed the Cessna and picked them up fifteen minutes later. I had been in a hurry to know how it went.
“How was it?” I asked Jenny, when they jumped onto my pickup.
“Super!”
I saw that the guys hadn’t been too happy for some reason. “Why the long faces?”
“She waited until the last second to pull the handle, I thought she was never going to open her chute.” One of the guys admitted. I had already pulled mine when she went by me like a shot. At first I thought that something had gone wrong.”
“What the hell,” Jenny said. “I know what I am doing.”
“You cut it too fine!” Someone said.
“You are a bunch of worrying ninnies.” She began to mimic; “This has to be so and that has to be exactly two and a half inches and that strap has to go over my titties...” She was so funny that she had us laughing, in spite of ourselves. We all loved that gal. In a way, we had, all of us, encouraged her in her ways, letting her do what we ourselves had never dared. We had formed and created her. Jenny had always been an obliging person and unconsciously adapted herself to our ...hell I don’t know what to call them,...you know; parents sometime make their children do things that they themselves had wanted and missed out on, like music, ballet or karate, all that shit and of course sports. We let her do what we might have wanted to do ourselves, but dared not, me included. I didn’t stop it! She learned fast and not always what I or the others intended for her to learn. She was efficient in her motions and always kept her head. She had potential and could get real good at this, but we all turned a blind eye to her...what I now know to have been some kind of an obsessive recklessness.”
“So now we, well they actually, began a series of jumps. Some equilibrium seemed to have been reached and there had been no more than the usual fuss and incidents. The guys got a camera and took shots of themselves and her of course...”
“You got more pictures of her?” Someone had asked him.
He hesitated...”Yeah I got some.”
“You got us all involved with this, you might as well let us see the pics.” Wayne said for them all.
“I guess so.” He got up heavily and went to a cupboard, unlocked it and pulled out a drawer. He returned carrying two albums. “Here.”
The three took them eagerly. There were photos of the three guys and Jenny, together and in couples. They all wore helmets and goggles. Some of them had been taken in Harry’s place, others on the drop zone after the jump and many had been taken in the air, some of them while still in free fall. They certainly had managed to do a lot of action in free fall. In one picture Jenny and a guy were holding hands, in another she was holding on to someone’s feet. There were pictures of them kissing in mid air. All of it innocent, but dangerous fun.
“Yeh, they had fun, up there in the air. They all were younger than me and I was only the pilot. I never got to jump with them. I may have been a daredevil once, but she outdid me in audaciousness. She certainly was more imaginative than I ever had been in my time. She invented a new gimmick; she stopped opening her chute and would come down holding and hooked to one of the guys.”
“That’s impossible,” Cried Wayne. The opening of another chute would tear her away from anyone that she would cling to.”
“She was a skinny acrobatic little thing, even more so in the air and completely fearless. She had a belt with a hook fixed to her harness with which she would hook herself on to someone, mostly at the last possible second. She would regularly try to do this to the last guy that opened his chute and later they would fuck, while they were still high on adrenalin, often in some shed at the drop zone. When I got there to pick them up, sometimes the rest of us would have to sit around and wait for them, whoever had the luck of having her at the time.”
“You’re telling us that there had been no rivalry or jealousy? Fred had mentioned this before, but he found that hard to believe.
“I never heard of any. I guess that she took care of that. Those guys all had wives. Jenny was a bonus for them.”
“None of those guys resisted her?”
“I don’t believe that any guy could resist Jenny when she set herself out for someone.”
“Wasn’t this getting out of hand a little?” Wayne asked.
“Damn right it was!” Harry answered. “I did feel at times like I am losing control and I had that uneasy feeling that we were heading for a disaster one way or another.”
“So this was how she got killed!” Fred exclaimed.
“This is only the beginning. It gets worse.”
“You didn’t try to stop it?” Wayne asked.
“Hell, sure I tried. Nothing short of closing down the whole thing would have made any difference to those guys and I didn’t want to do that, also for Jenny’s sake. She had attached herself to us and had nobody else.”
“You should have stopped this before it got out of hand.” Wayne insisted.
“I should have. I know that now, but I didn’t.” Harry admitted. “I was selfish. I wanted Jenny to remain with me and she might not, if the guys stopped coming at week ends. There was also a lot of money at stake too. What happened is my fault as much as anybody’s. I have a lot of guilt to deal with.”
“What happened?”
“Listen guys; Jenny never talked about her past, not a word and whenever I tried to mention something about that, she evaded it. I had no idea where she had sprung from. Maybe she had grown up in an orphanage. Personally I think that she must have had an unloved childhood. Maybe she had been used and exploited sexually and otherwise. She was always looking for love, but not able to accept the responsibilities that loving might force on her. She was in a clash of emotions and urges that led to her downfall. She tested us repeatedly to see how far she could get us to love and trust her. Then once when no one paid attention she jumped without her chute.”
“What!” The three called out.
“Did I hear this right?” Wayne exclaimed.
“Yeah, she had left her chute behind, the reserve one too! She had latched herself to one of the guys in free fall. The guys had found that out only later on the ground. This had been too much for them. As I came to get them they were sitting in a moody circle. They had been arguing.
“What’s up?” I inquired.
“That crazy bitch...”
“Hey, hey wait a minute there.” I heard one of them interrupt. “This is Jenny we’re talking about.”
“She jumped without a chute!” I was informed by someone almost hysterical with an incredulous tone in his voice.
“And you guys let her?” I snarled.
“We never found out until too late.”
Jenny said her piece; “Hey, I’m here too, you are talking like I wasn’t around. I’m not the first to jump without a chute, it’s been done many times before and it is fun.”
“By professionals that know what they are doing.” I added to this. {I had done this once or twice myself in my earlier days.}
“Here we go again.” She complained. “You use this professional stuff on me and wave it around like a flag. You cover yourself in it. I knew that I could do this. It’s even easier than with a chute and a reserve strapped on you. I felt free and unchained.”
“You could have been killed.” I pointed out the obvious to her.
“It was me, and only me and the sky and the earth, nothing else.”
“And the guy you had to hook on to.” I continued this for her. “One miss and you’re a goner.”
“They would have dived for me, wouldn’t you?” She turned to the one next to her. He nodded saying nothing.
Guys, Jenny being a lightweight, meant that she could spread out and flatten herself to maximum air resistance and slow her fall, while the other guy head dived to catch up on her, in a faster free fall. This is possible and has been done, but it is also dangerous, especially if there is not much distance left to the ground. Jenny had been around skydivers so much that she knew a thing or two and had picked up many stories and lore.
“What right have you to put another guy at risk?” I asked her bluntly. This stopped her. Jenny is a sensitive person, never willingly hurting someone else if she can help it.
“But I have done this before!” She repeated plaintively. “It’s the same as with a chute, even easier. There’s no risk! I knew that I could do this. It was a cinch.”
Then one of the guys butted in. “Take it easy on the gal Harry, she’s sorry and won’t do it again. Right Jenny?”
“Yeah right.” She said in a low unconvinced tone of voice.
“See that you don’t” I said shortly. I hated giving her hell and in front of the guys too, but I knew that she would not hold it against me. That’s Jenny!
Then Jenny’s hundredth dive came up and...”
“Yeah, we can guess.” Wayne said.
“Right,” Harry said. “She insisted on doing it in the nude, after all it is tradition in many places and well, we let her. When I came to collect them and to congratulate her, I couldn’t find anybody. Where had they all gone too? I had a shack in the trees on the further side of the drop zone, it’s gone now, fell apart. I waited some time until they appeared from the shack there. She was still naked and had her arms around two of my fellers. The third guy carried their gear. They were jubilant. She left them and ran to me and hugged me, kissing me, a skinny little chicken.
“Why didn’t she put something on?” Wayne asked.
“It was my fault, she stripped on the plane and I forgot to fetch her clothes.”
She appeared excited, like high on something; “It was wonderful, awesome! I had the best dive ever.”
“Goddamit Jenny, put something on.”
“Harry this is the best thing I ever done. I felt the wind and air all over my body. It felt like I was baptized by the sky. I felt the wind go through my pussy, I nearly had an orgasm, I swear it.”
The others had come up while she talked, they had a sheepish look on their features, but sort of satisfied like.
“We had sex in there.” Jenny pointed to the shed. You don’t mind, do you Harry? I’ll make it up to you tonight.”
“Together?”
“Together and separate. Harry dear, tonight it will be just us.”
I looked at the guys but they shifted their gaze away. Talk about a bunch of kids that stole a pie and ate it.”
Jenny went on, still in my arms; “Harry, this was too dammed good, it got me all hot, it got all of us hot. You weren’t around and I could not put it off. It seemed the right thing to do and I went along with it.”
“Like you always do.” I could not help but say.
“Sure, why the hell not?”
Guys, I could answer that one. I could find enough reasons to tell her ‘why the hell not’, but I didn’t. Somehow they all seemed pale to me, wishy-washy sort off. I kept silent.”
Wayne had been silent for too long; “Don’t tell us that you haven’t got photos of them diving in the nude.”
“Yeah I got some, but just of her and them with goggles. They asked me to destroy the rest.”
“Aren’t you going to show us?” Wayne asked. “You’ve told us so much, you might as well spit out the rest of it.”
He got up and brought a packet of photos. “Here. Feast your eyes.”
The three looked at the pictures, they studied them. It knocked them over; The first one was of Jenny, on the ground, bending over, in her helmet and goggles and rig strapped to her, spreading her buttocks to the camera. They were shocked at the suddenness of the exposure. “She’s got a nice ass.” Fred ventured.
There were shots of her nude exept for her gear and she must have done a strip tease with it, as the following pictures showed her without some of the straps and stuff, taking them off, one by one, untill she had nothing on. Bare exept for helmet and goggles, those came off last, she spread her arms and legs to the sky. Then there was the one they had seen a blow-up of; Jenny naked as the day she was born, jutting out her pelvis at the cam, at the world, saying with her body “I do my thing and like it and you can take it or leave it!” There were the photos shot of her in the sky, all nudes, some with open parachute lines seen above her head her head and others had been taken in free fall. She had posed in the air and made faces. The three scrutinized the photos; There saw one were the guy with the cam must have dived beneath her; it showed her spread out, her skinny frame somewhat flattened by the air pressure, her boobs pressed inwards and her short hair blown away from her face. You could see, in spite of her wind twisted features, that she was smiling, grinning.
One could have called those pictures porn stuff if one wanted, but they were fun pics. They were having the time of their lives. They fooled around with the cam and with Jenny. Sky diving had become playing and games with them. They seemed to be cavorting, and doing acrobatics in the sky, free as birds.
“It sure looks like they had fun.” Fred remarked.
“Yeah sure,” Harry said sourly, “I was never up there with them, I had to fly the plane, so in a way I was out of it. Those four did a lot of stuff up there in the air that I did not know off, or approve. Jenny had muddled their common sense. They were sure of themselves and they began to ignore and overrule some of the safety precautions, without my knowing it. Jenny made it up to me, this fooled me and lulled me into a passive, and more relaxed frame of mind. Jenny was incapable of hurting anyone and seeing me anxious, would spend more time with me. I liked that, I liked it a lot, just having her around, sex or not, lit the place up and made it less gloomy.”
The storm had slowly abated while they had talked and studied the pictures. There were still lone separate bursts of rain, but those were far apart and the wind had ceased. They could still make a jump that day, if they wanted, and as Harry had foreseen, but no one mentioned that. They all wanted to hear the end of the story as much as it seemed that Harry had to get it of his chest.
He got up and brought them another batch of pictures. It looked like the fumes of alcohol had worn off a little. “Those I got after she was dead.” He said shortly and handed them around. They were similar in nature to the ones they had seen before; she was doing gymnastics in the sky, her subtle body posing in dance like stances. They noticed a particular one where she was free falling in a standing position but her arms and legs were spread to catch the wind.
“Jeesus” Wayne exclaimed.
“All that air up her pussy, I’ll be dammed.” Fred ejected.
Harry kept quiet.
In all aspects but one, Those were mostly like the ones they had seen before. Then Wayne pointed it out;
“By God! She’s got no rig! Those must be fakes.”
“No fakes, it’s the real stuff.” Harry grunted.
This slowly sank into their concious. It was incredible, and incomprehensive.
“This can’t be for real.” Wayne emitted.
Fred was shocked out of his relative complacency. “This girl must have a death wish.”
Exept for goggles and helmet, shoes and one harness Jenny was as naked as she had been born.
Wayne looked at Harry, unbelieving. “This is for real?”
Harry nodded grimly, not trusting himself to speak. He said hoarsely; “She used to say that she was fucking the wind.”
They looked at the rest of the pictures. There was one of Jenny riding one of the guys like a horse in a kind of free fall rodeo. They saw another one were Jenny had attached herself front-to-front to one of the guys, {with their helmets and goggles it was hard to tell which was which.} her arms were around him and her legs twirled around his like they were copulating. In one snapshot Jenny sat on a guy’s shoulders with her pussy to his face her legs locked together over his back.
“Lucky guy” Fred could not help but smirk.
“Lucky dead guy.” Harry added shortly.
“So how did it happen?” Wayne asked him.
Fred said; “There are always people around the drop zone, mostly getting in the way, waiting sky divers...women and kids too. Don’t tell me that she landed there ...like that every time.”
“Yeah, right.” Harry admitted. “I had my own drop place, registered as such. You’ve seen it. We did our jumps there”
“You mean that’s wkere her grave is?”
“Yeh, we buried her there later.”
“So how did it happen exactly?” Wayne asked again.
“As I said before, Jenny technically speaking had become a proficient sky diver, she was agile and never lost her head. She was also fearless, which is not so good. Some fear is always good. She felt at home in free fall as few jumpers do. She became very sure of herself and confident that she could handle any situation. She often told me so and made me believe her. No, I lulled myself into believing her. I should have known better. What Jenny lacked had been some common horse sense. It is not good sense to caper about in free fall as she did.
This went on for a while and it seemed that everything, more or less, appeared to be under control. Then Jenny began to make her dives without the chutes again, you’ve seen the pictures now. At the time they kept this from me. I had to fly the Cessna and keep it steady and if I did look back for a moment they always managed to hide her from my sight with their bodies.”
“So they were all in this together?”
“Not at first, but she brought them around, like she did with me.”
“But she would have to leave her gear somewhere in the plane. You didn’t notice that?” Wayne asked.
“There’s always a lot of extra stuff stored in the plane, I never thought to look. All this I learned later. She got more daring and crazy. Once she pissed in free fall, lying on her back, the only way possible, and the guy above her nearly got it in his face. When I came to collect them I found them laughing and kidding about it.
They never let her jump first, so that there would always someone below her to attach herself to. The end came fast and quick before I realized it. I was flying over that stretch of land where she lies now, then as I usual do I turn and take a position to drop them off when I felt some kind of a commotion behind me. As I flew over that stretch, Jenny had pushed the guy by the opening away and jumped out, naked as usual, with just one harness on her. The one guy that survived, told me that he had heard her laughing. The guys were not ready. She had taken them by surprise, but there was no time to be wasted. Two guys had their chutes on, but were doing some last minute adjustments on their straps. They left off and dived after her.” He paused.
“This had been one time that I had looked back and saw what had happened. I put the Cessna into a dive and circled around. I was worried as hell, this had all the makings of a major disaster. Most of what happened, I learned later. I saw three bodies hurtling towards the ground, then I saw one chute opening and get fouled by some object, but it remained partly open. I called for emergency help on the radio phone and I landed the plane and drove as fast as I could to our drop zone.
I found three bodies, two of them, Jenny and the guy that had dived for her, dead and broken. Another one alive, conscious, with a broken leg. The ambulance had not yet arived. They had missed the entrance to the path that led to our private drop zone and drove around searching for it. I stared at the dead guy and Jenny’s naked broken body. I was stupefied with the tragic catastrophe of it. The other guy with his leg broken had an amazing presence of mind. In the minutes or so that it had taken me to get there he had time to collect himself; “Harry! We can’t help him. You must hide Jenny before the ambulance arrives!”
“What?...Why?”
“We all have families, wives and kids. This is bad enough for them. They’ll never understand about Jenny. We’ve got to hide her! there’s no time, an ambulance may come any minute now.”
“Do you know about any next of kin?” I asked him.
He knew what I meant. “Not a thing, she never talked about it.”
“There’ll be an inquiry, inquests maybe. The police will find out.” I argued.
“Harry, no one knows about Jenny, no one knows that she was with us...”
“O.k.” I said. “I’ll put her in the back of my pickup. Nobody will think of looking for her there.”
I grabbed her arms and legs, her joints were loose and smashed, pulverized and she folded up on me. I managed to carry her to my car as I heard the sound of the ambulance approaching. There was no time to cover her up. I ran back to the guy as the ambulance arived and the medics did their thing. Our eyes met. He was scared and anxious about them finding Jenny. I nodded to him in reassurance.
I found out later what had happened from the oneguy, no names; He had been the only one that had his rig strapped on properly and he had jumped last and seen what had happened. The other guy had dived for Jenny who had been eagle spread to slow down her fall. He didn’t make it to her because he must have tried to adjust his rig while in free fall. They were close to the ground when it had ripped off him and struck the second guy, above them that closed in on them just as he was opening his chute, fowling it. This guy must have put off pulling his rip cord and waited till the last second, ignoring all the warnings. He had waited too long and it had been too late. He had been lucky to come out of it with only a broken leg. The paramedics from the ambulance very naturally never gave a thought to checking my pickup where Jenny’s body was lying still uncovered.
The official story was that something had gone wrong with the dead guy’s rig and the other guy had tried to reach him when it had ripped of and struck him. Jenny was not mentioned. We had a stroke of luck too; ‘some luck! When a body hits the ground in free fall, it leaves a mark, a dent, especially in soft ground like where they fell. The wounded guy had partially opened his chute when the rig of the other guy hit him, but he did not crash on the ground in full force and he landed on harder ground. No dent was visible, so we had two dents and two bodies to show the investigations. The insurance companies had to fork out a lot of dough, they don’t like that and checked everything out thoroughly, even the insides of the Cessna. I hid Jenny’s clothes. I still have them around.”
Wayne asked him; “What about Jenny’s gear on the plane?”
“I always keep spare gear around, one never knows when it might be needed. I could explain that.”
Wayne said; “I remember that case. It was in the papers a few years back. They were all about one guy trying to save his buddy. There is no need not to mention their names. I can find that out easily from any files.”
“Let sleeping dogs lie.” Harry said.
“No one ever asked about Jenny?” Fred inquired incredulously.
“No one! Not a soul! It was as if she never existed. After they left I covered Jenny up and drove home. I put her on ice in the tub. I put the ice machine to work day and night for this. I kept her for a week and a half untill we buried her. I went to the funeral and met with his family. I consoled them for their loss and told them how brave the guys had been. All the while I had Jenny on ice in the tub at home. Those guys had been much braver, than the press or their families suspected. They had jumped after Jenny without hesitating, both of them and one had lost his live because of it.”
“Jeesus!” Wayne exclaimed, “and we got their gear!”
“That gear was checked and rechecked by the official representative board of the USPA after the tragedy. No flaws were found in it.” Harry said. “It’s first rate stuff, the best of its kind anywhere.”
“Why do you think she did it?” Fred asked softly.
“I am sure of it now; She wanted to be loved, but more than that, she needed to test this constantly. She had to prove that to herself over and again and against all the evidence and support that she had of her being adored and loved. There was a part inside her that could not believe this. At first this made her do crazy stuff in the air to see if we cared. We, all of us, encouraged her in her ways, maybe not consciously, I know that now. It got worse; she had to see how far she could go with this and in the end it made her jump naked to see if the guys would follow and save her. Thinking back to the way she acted and behaved and the many talks we had, I am as sure of this, as that the sun will rise tomorrow.
“Then this was inevitable. It had to happen one way or another” Fred commented.
“I should have seen it coming.” Harry said. “But I didn’t want to.”
“Shit, man! You are a sky diving guy, a pilot, not a shrink!” Wayne said. “I’ll bet there are a lot of loonies in this sport. One must be crazy to sky dive at all. Why the hell are we doing this?”
“For the fun and glory and the exietment. I quote my friend” Fred proclaimed.
“Jenny was no loony,” Harry said. “She was a kind sensitive person that wouldn’t hurt a fly, a mixed up kid in need of much love and she did not know how to go about it and we all helped to kill her.”
“Those guy all cheated on their wives.” Wayne observed.
“I wouldn’t be too judgmental if I were you.” Fred stated.
“What would you know about it?” Wayne challenged him.
“Same as you. You never cheated on your wife?”
“Did you?”
“Yes! A few times I am sorry to say.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Comeon Wayne don’t play that shit on me. The usual reasons. Most of the world’s population cheat, one way or another.”
“I don’t!”
“Yeah sure.”
“Well, at least I don’t call it cheating.” Wayne amended.
“That changes it a lot.” Fred mocked.
“What are you guys yapping about? What does all this matter!” Harry joined in. “Jenny is gone, a guy is dead all because I didn’t see it coming. I have never loved anyone as I got to love Jenny. There’s a place I would go to, when I felt lonely. The girls are real friendly and nice there. You get what you pay for, but that’s the way of the world.”
“You went to a whore house?” That was Fred.
“Often enough, in my earlier days. Still did sometimes now, untill Jenny came along, but I get older and the girls stay the same age...mostly.”
“I don’t pay for sex.” Wayne said somewhat haughtily.
Harry chuckled. “I’ll bet that you do, only you don’t know it. Don’t you go talking down the working ladies. They are hard working gals, many have to raise children by themselves. We all work for a living, I for one don’t see no difference. Jenny also did it for dough and I never thought of her as a whore and I never gave myself any superior airs with her, or judged her. Neither did the others. That’s why she liked me, I’m an ugly sonofabitch, twice her age, and I know it.”
“So you buried her all by yourself?” Fred asked.
“No, I didn’t. The one guy that survived came over, broken leg and all and we buried her. “Harry.” He said; “Not a word about this to anyone.”
“Right.” I said. “Don’t worry about it. I got as much to lose by this as you. Jenny never had a sky diver license and I let her jump. By burying her, we both commit a dozen of legal misdemeanors I guess...”
“We buried her in my private drop zone, right by where she fell. I wasn’t going to use that place anymore anyway. Only us two to mourn her. We said a few words over her body, but the real stuff I tell myself at nights when I lie awake.”
The other guy had said, “I don’t sleep so well at nights, Harry, I keep thinking about those last moments in her life when she must have realized that she wasn’t going to make it. I feel for her. I feel the sheer terror of it. Some times I think that I can’t take it anymore. I get up and drink myself to sleep.” He sighed.
This was exactly what had been bothering me. What had been her last terrified thoughts? That poor misguided child, she had paid with her life and the lives of two of our friends for her obsession, if that is what it has been. I said so over her open grave. There we were; both grown mature males, each trying not to show too much emotion. I know that my eyes were wet.
“Harry,” The other guy said, “I’m done with sky diving. I want to get rid of my gear and rig. I’ll sell it all to you cheap.”
“O.k. I’ll pay you what it’s worth.”
“It’s worth shit to me. I can’t even look at it. You get it from my car.”
I already had got the other guy’s gear. We filled up the grave and I got his diving stuff over to my pickup. I paid him. As we got into our separate cars he told me; “I’m moving away with my family. We won’t see each other again. It has been good knowing you Harry.”
We shook hands and left.”
Harry had stopped talking and there was a pause. The storm had ceased and it was quiet. The late afternoon sun had come out shinning a golden light through the window.
“Anyone feel like doing a jump?” Harry asked.
No one answered him.
“There was one thing that I could never get right; those guys were ready to give up their lives for Jenny, but could not tell their wives about her.”
