writing from
Scars Publications

Audio/Video chapbooks cc&d magazine Down in the Dirt magazine books

 

This writing was accepted for publication in the
108 page perfect-bound ISSN#/ISBN# issue/book

the End of the World
cc&d, v279
(the January 2018 issue)

Order this as a 6"x9" paperback book:
order ISBN# book


the End of the World

Mr Richards

Emily Jade Walker

‘It wasn’t my fault.’


    I’m not the sick man who goes after little girls.
    It was never intentional. I never saw her, at first, being the beauty she was.
    When I first saw Evelyn ...
    She was my pupil, my star pupil I’ll admit that.
    I never saw her beautiful green eyes, or her perfect plump kissable lips, or her gorgeous figure, which made her look 21, not 15.

*


    Mr Richards was the hottest man I had ever seen. He was only small, but he made up for it with chiselled features; a little hook to his nose and big hazelnut eyes. He was a Greek God, just delicious.
    However, he was my ICT teacher.
    It was totally normal for a girl to have a crush on a teacher right? It wasn’t just me! Every girl in that school wanted him.

*


    It was six. My alarm had just gone off, I rolled over to kiss Liz. But she was already up. Then I heard Molly crying.
    ‘Nightmares again’ I thought.
    I slowly got out of bed, stretching and yawning. I put on my dressing gown and walked to Molly’s room.
    ‘How’s she doing?’ I asked.
    ‘She’s fine. Now. She’s never watching Telly with you again.’
    ‘Sorry, we’ll stick to CBeebies from now on.’
    ‘Good.’ She walked over and pecked my cheek.
    ‘We’ve got to learn to walk before we can run Phillip.’
    I brought her close and hugged her tight.
    It’s safe to say that Liz and I weren’t as close as we were when Molly was born. Life was perfect. We had two healthy children and a healthy marriage.

    Life didn’t deal us good cards though, two steps forward; twenty steps back. We were on a thin piece of rope, strained, both ends frayed.
    It was only a matter of time...
    I ended the embrace with Liz and had a cold shower.
    It got my blood surging.
    It made me feel alive.
    Afterwards, I quickly got dressed, a light grey suit and blue tie. The Jacket would only be on for briefing. I hated those things.

*


    Seven AM, Monday. I had been awake for a couple of hours preparing. I showered at five-thirty, washed and dried my hair. I straightened it precisely; backcombed it to give it extra volume. Make-up next, I went for a slightly gothic look. For once, I felt beautiful. The only thing that hindered my appearance was the plain and boring colours of Gramble High School. Black, Yellow, and Green. It didn’t suit me at all!
    ‘Evelyn! Time to go!’
    I straightened my tie and grabbed my backpack, slipped on my pumps and joined my mother in the car.

    I arrived at school at Seven-fifty-one. It meant I had almost an hour before registration. I hoped that maybe Claire or Kyle was around, and if so, I knew that they would be in the canteen, stuffing themselves on the greasy fatty bacon baps that the lazy kitchen staff would provide.

*


    I arrived at work at Seven-fifty-five. I didn’t see Evie loitering around the gates like she did sometimes.
    Good. I thought.
    She might have taken my words seriously. I picked up my briefcase and the box full of coursework; locked my car and went to my classroom. I had twenty minutes before briefing. I decided it was enough time to have a decent coffee; Samantha always made the best in the canteen. I licked my lips and made my way over there, taking the staff shortcut through the art corridor.

*


    I was correct.
    I found them both gorging themselves on the disgusting things. The fat dripped from the bottom of the bun making a puddle on the table. The grease around the corners of their mouths glistened in the early sun. They gnawed into the bacon almost wolf-like. They’d chomp on it loudly and swallow it as if they were an old drunk with a pint.
    It was completely revolting.
    I plastered a fake smile on my face and walked over to them.
    ‘Hey, slug-puppets.’
    ‘Hi, Eve.’ Claire replied, still chewing her food, it had become a mush ball in her mouth, rolling from one side to the other.
    I refrained from raising my eyebrow; I sat down swallowing down my disgust.
    ‘How was your weekend?’ Kyle asked, with his mouth also full.
    ‘Oh... it was nothing special.’ I tried to lie, but I failed miserably, butterflies flew to my stomach and a blush rose to my cheeks.
    ‘Did you meet someone?’ Claire said excitingly, just after she had wiped her out with a napkin.
    ‘Maybe ...’ I looked at the dots on the table.
    ‘You did! Come on, spill.’
    ‘I can’t! Not yet anyways ...’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘Not after the whole Aaron thing.’
    ‘Fair enough, but still! Details! Is he hot?’
    ‘Of course!’ I chuckled.

*


    I was just about to enter the canteen when I heard her. The magical tones of her broken accent, her schoolgirl teenage manner was almost enough to break me.
    Claire Anderson shouted a greeting as I walked in. She sounded extremely over-familiar.
    ‘Morning Claire, Kyle, Evelyn.’ Her name danced on my tongue. I mentally disciplined myself. I couldn’t allow my authority to flounder in front of Evie’s friends.
    ‘Evelyn. I need to discuss your coursework, first break, my office.’ Secretly I smiled.
    ‘Yes, Sir.’ Shit. No attitude.
    I glanced around at the others; they didn’t seem to click on. I was satisfied with that.
    I nodded at Evie and then proceeded to buy my morning coffee.

    Mainly black, a small drop of milk, two sugars.

*


    Morning registration was a load of useless crap as usual, and soon I found myself waiting outside my physics classroom, texting Claire. S4 conveniently shared the same corridor as the four ICT labs. Mr Richards brought his class in promptly to the bell. Our eyes met. I melted.
    Shit, what did this man do to me?
    ‘In you come!’ Mrs Kettle shouted.
    I shook off the stupid schoolgirl stupor and walked in. I took my seat next to Kyle.

*


    Briefing and registration were a blur, I was just replaying Saturday night in my head. There was nothing of importance anyways if there was it would be in my emails. I was bringing in my first class when I saw her again. She was on her phone, texting away.
    Our eyes locked. My breathing rasped and my blood flowed south. I shook my head and carried on walking. I couldn’t allow this to affect my job.
    After running a quick roll call, I set the class a starter exercise. I then realised I hadn’t collected the handouts from resources. I asked the TA if he could keep an eye on them as I left.

*


    Thirteen minutes later. I was sat outside the classroom, trolling through Facebook.
    I wasn’t a disruptive student. I just got bored easily.
    Mr Richards then came out of the labs.
    ‘Evelyn, this must be a new record.’ He said, spotting me.
    ‘Meh. This is nothing.’
    ‘Oh Evelyn, why can’t you just behave and get your education? You’re a bright girl.’
    ‘I know... I get straight A’s.’
    He rolled his eyes.
    ‘How long are you out for?’
    ‘Till I apologise.’
    ‘You’re not going to are you?’
    I shrugged.
    ‘Stand up!’
    ‘Why?’
    ‘You’re coming with me!’
    ‘Ugh!’
    I stood up begrudgingly; grabbed my bag and followed him. Fuck me, his arse looked good in tight trousers.

    The Deputy head kept me in isolation until first break, apparently, time from Art would teach me a lesson, except it, did the opposite. He let me go a few minutes after the bell, only after I made some bullshit promises. I then made my way to Mr Richards ’ office. I was slightly out of breath; in a foul mood, and hungry. Almost two hours with ward would make anyone’s day shit. I just wanted this meeting over and done with; a salad was calling my name in the snack bar.

*


    First break couldn’t have come fast enough; I dismissed my second class and made my way to my office. I quickly booted up my computer and made myself look busy.
    Soon enough, a tentative knock was at my door.
    ‘Come in.’ I said, using her favourite tone.
    She walked in, I saw her in all her glory. My heart skipped a beat.
    ‘Take a seat.’
    Evie sat gingerly opposite me, she was shaking slightly; her cheeks were rose and her mouth was open a little. Her top three buttons were undone, showing the lace of her bra. She made me melt.
    ‘So what’s the issue with my coursework?’ She spoke, her voice soft and dainty, unlike normal, it made me swell, that I was helping her come out of her shell.
    ‘Nothing Evie, as you said, you’re a grade A student, I just needed an excuse to see you.’
    She gasped.
    ‘You couldn’t have waited till afterwards? I’ve already wasted enough time...’
    ‘And who’s fault is that?’ I interrupted. ‘Evie.’ Her name rolled off my tongue, my voice, soft, lyrical, each syllable created a new note to the composition.
    ‘We’ve discussed this. No special treatment, otherwise people will figure us out. We don’t want that. Do we?’
    I stood up slowly, feeling that I wasn’t going to get a response, I walked around my desk and perched myself on the front of it. I looked into her green eyes deeply. A man could get lost there.
    ‘Do we?’ I asked again, this time more reassuring.
    ‘Course not Sir.’ I smiled.
    ‘That’s a good girl.’ I praised as I ran my hand down her cheek, with my middle finger being the main focus of contact.
    She shuddered under my touch; bit her lip timidly. I felt the same warmth between us from Saturday night. I leant down, aiming for her lips. Her hand quickly rejected me.
    ‘Phil, no. What if someone comes in?’
    I kept silent; I stood tall and walked over to the door, I turned the lock twice, completely sealing us inside, together, alone.
    ‘Is that better?’
    ‘Yes...’ She whispered, lingering on the ’s’.
    I walked back to her and softly kissed her.
    ‘Just remember Evie, this is our little secret.’
    She nodded with an open mouth, I leant down again and let my passions indulge her, and she, beautifully, responded.

*


    Later that term, I was called out of my class by my head of year, Miss Moore. I was quite disappointed, I had done nothing wrong, and I was really enjoying English.
    She was rat-like, in all of her features, she scurried about the corridors, and she always seemed to be six foot away from us, well me in particular. She took me to her office, it was small and cosy; I took a seat on the sofa.
    ‘What have I done this time?’
    ‘Nothing Evelyn, I just want a little chat that’s all.’
    ‘I had nothing to do with the shit that went on with the alley with Jordan White if that’s what you’re on about.’ I quickly replied, my eyes wide. Busted!
    ‘No no no, nothing about Jordan.’
    ‘Then what?’
    ‘Evelyn, we’ve had a rather serious allegation made.’
    ‘And you’re saying this isn’t to do with Jordan?’
    ‘No nothing about Jordan...’
    Miss Moore looked at me softly.

    ‘The allegation that you are in a relationship with a member of staff.’
    ‘What the fuck! Fuck no!’
    My breathing had become rasped, my pulse rose. Shit, I thought as the blood raced through my body.
    ‘Language Evelyn.’
    ‘I’m not shagging a teacher!’ My words only just made it out of my mouth.
    ‘Evelyn. Breathe! In, 1...2...3, Out, 1...2...3.’
    She repeated this phrase countless amount of times, but it helped. Soon my breathing had regulated and was in time to hers.
    ‘I know it’s hard Evelyn... It’s all okay, you’re not the one in the wrong here.’ She placed her hand on my shoulder.
    ‘I think it’s best that you take the next few days off. Your mother is on her way now.’
    I nodded, still too shaken to speak.
    ‘Fuck, fuck fuck fuck.’

*


    ‘How the hell am I going to tell Liz this one?’ my thoughts wandered into the inevitable arguments and discussions we were going to have. Where would she start? When I first met Evie away from school? Or when I fell out of love with her?
    I sat in the car; I was home early. She’d asked about that as well, My belongings from my office were in the boot.
    I thrashed my hands on the steering wheel, cursing. This couldn’t be happening.
    ‘Phil, I’m going to have to suspend you with an on-going investigation’
    Charles’ voice still rung clear in my head. I just had to hope for my family’s sake that Evie could pull this off.

*


    ‘Evie, darling.’
    ‘Don’t call me that.’
    I looked at my mother, tired, exhausted from the hysterical crying.
    ‘I’ve always called you Evie...’
    ‘Well it’s Evelyn, please.’
    I could see her expression fall; her heart had just been torn into two, now it was her crying.
    ‘Evelyn... darling... Did he ever...?’
    ‘No mum... never.’ I swallowed, possibly a little bit too hard, I couldn’t tell her any of it.
    How could I admit to my mother that I snuck out late on Saturday night and ended up losing my virginity, or how could I admit to wanting to be with him, ever since I laid my eyes on him? How could I admit to all of it?
    ‘It’s not your fault, Evelyn, you’re not in the wrong, you’re just a little girl.’
    I couldn’t get it. It’s not my fault?
    ‘I’m not a little girl mum.’ She gave me a sad smile.
    Not anymore anyways.

*


    The click of the lock and the slap of the door shutting announced my homecoming to Liz. I sighed.
    Time to face the music, Richards .
    I dumped my briefcase in the hall and walked into the kitchen. I was pretty confident I needed an Irish coffee to get me through that afternoon.
    ‘You’re home early.’ Liz was standing by the breakfast table, her eyes narrow, her lips were a fine, hard line.
    ‘Department meeting was cancelled.’ My pathetic excuse didn’t convince her.
    ‘You have that on a Wednesday evening.’ her tone harsh. ‘Why don’t you tell me the real reason, the reason which had you waiting in the car for half an hour!’
    ‘I’ve been suspended.’
    ‘What?’ suddenly her demeanour changed.
    ‘A serious allegation has been made against me... and before you ask, it’s complete bollocks, just kids trying to get rid of me.’
    ‘What’s been said, Philip?’ Her concern rose.
    I took a deep breath.
    ‘That I’ve been having a relationship with a year 10 student.’
    It took me a while to realise what caused a deep burning sensation in my left cheek, It was only when I looked into her eyes I knew she struck me.
    ‘She was the one, wasn’t she? The one who’s made you go all gooey and happy all of a sudden, ever ever nice the night ‘you went out with the guys’. the night ‘you went out with the guys’.’
    ‘Liz, please, I can explain.’ My arm reaches out for her. She quickly slaps it away.
    ‘I don’t need your explanation nor your excuses Philip. Just rot in hell.’
    She turned and walked away, letting her tears consume her.
    Snap...

*


    ‘Hello.’
    ‘What do you want?’
    ‘We can get through this, you know that.’
    ‘Enough already, We’re done, It was nice while it lasted, but It’s not worth risking everything for you.’
    ‘Evie, please... I have nothing left’
    ‘Goodbye, Phil.’
    I hung up the phone, tears pooled in my eyes. Mascara had run down my cheek, making me into a live representation of a crying pop art subject.
    ‘It’s for the best Evelyn’ I convinced myself of that.
    It’s for the best.
    Shame I couldn’t have convinced my heart of the same.

*


    The phone connection died. I fell on my knees in a pathetic mess. I had officially lost everything, my wife, my child, and now the person who I risked everything for. I was living in my car at that moment; I was in desperate need for a shower, in desperate need of some company. I decided to drive back home, If I couldn’t patch things up with Evie, then I would with my wife.
    I turned the corner into my street and saw two police officers at my door. My pulse increased and a sweat burst out on my palms.
    I parked up and got out.
    ‘Everything alright officers?’
    ‘Philip Richards ?’
    ‘Yes.’
    By now the officers were only a foot in front of me.
    ‘Mr Richards, you’re under arrest for sexual assault and statutory rape with a minor. You do not have to say anything. But, it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something, which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence ...’ One officer spoke to me my rights as he handcuffed my hands.
    That was it.
    Life was officially over.
    I never wanted this.

*


    ‘Evelyn, we need you to be truthful okay.’
    I nodded at the female inspector. Inspector Weller was her name. I was brought into the video interview room, it was big and cosy, I got asked to sit so the camera was fully focused on my face.
    After the formalities, like saying my name and Weller said the date and time, she had begun to ask me the questions.

    ‘When did you first meet outside of school?’

    ‘It was outside a pub on a Saturday night about three months back. I didn’t recognise her.’

    ‘Can you describe how the night went.’

    ‘I was already slightly drunk, I was out with a few mates from the music scene, Phil was there. I wasn’t bothered really. Teachers always saw me in pubs... Just they never spoke to me during the night.’

    ‘I was drinking with the guys, I only had one so far, so I was pretty alert and aware of my surroundings. She walked in with a group of Goth wannabes, she stood out, and she caught my eye. I found her attractive, like any guy in the pub, did. I just didn’t recognise her. She wore a lot more makeup out, she looked a different person.’

    ‘Who made the first move?’

    ‘He did.’

    ‘She did’

    ‘What happened?’

    ‘He said sweet things in my ear, making me feel incredibly beautiful and hot, I blamed it on the drink. He claimed he didn’t know who I was but I think he did.’

    ‘She came up to me, flashing her cleavage, claimed to be 21, I stupidly believed her. She grabbed my hand and guided me into a secluded spot, a dark corner of the pub.’

    ‘He kissed me, it was only a peck, before guiding me to the back room, the function room of the Rose and Crown.’

    ‘She kissed me, trying to initiate the inevitable.’

    ‘He told me no-one would come in because the function room was always off limits for locals, especially when it wasn’t in use.’

    ‘Did you have sex that night?’


    ‘Yes. we did.’

    ‘No we didn’t, I wasn’t up for taking advantage of a woman under the influence.’

    ‘Did he ever hurt you, Evie?’

    ‘No! Of course not.’

    ‘No comment.’

    ‘How long have you been dating?’

    ‘Three months.’

    ‘Dating? No. we didn’t date’

    The interview was finished after an hour. I was sat in the empty room as the two officers went away to discuss. Sweat was pouring off my forehead and my palms were clammy. All of the thoughts of being charged and sent down lingered in my mind. The costs of my actions were deadly. It was never meant to be like this.
    This wasn’t in my plan.

    When I was told, I couldn’t move, my breath was caught in the top of my throat.
    ‘I’m going to have to go to court’ I finally managed.
    My mother nodded, as she reached out and caressed my shoulder; I flinched at her touch.
    It’s okay she told me. It’s okay.
    No, it’s not okay, It never will be.

    ‘How do you find the defendant?’
    ‘We find the defendant, guilty.’

    I heard her family cheer. My heart sank. Tears pricked in the corners of my eyes.

    Men shouldn’t cry! Get a grip, Richards!
    My life officially had been ruined; I would rather die than live the rest of my life as a paedophile, as a sex offender, as a rapist.
    As a piece of worthless scum.

    I only just about heard my sentence, two and half years, life-ban from teaching, life on the register, banned from being within 500ft of Evie. It seemed like an endless list. But there was an even worse outcome out of all of this.
    Liz filed for a divorce, and I lost any rights to see Molly. Apparently I’m too dangerous to be around her.
    This wasn’t meant to happen.
    I’m not a rapist.
    I banged my fists on the edge of the dock screaming my innocence. All that got me was an officer to restrain me. I looked up to her, hoping she’d realise what she had done, but nothing. She was emotionless.

    I watched him go down. I watched the officer escort him down from the dock, back into the cells. There was a vile taste in my mouth; similar to taste when you lie about who cut the dog’s hair, but more extreme. It rose from the pit of my stomach. I felt like I was going to be sick.
    ‘I love you.’ I muttered.
    It was never meant to be like this.
    ‘I love you’ I shouted. Stood from my seat, tears falling slowly down my face.
    ‘I love you.’

    I heard her. She watched me go down, and then had the nerve to scream the three words she had never said to me. She had the nerve to lie, and then tell me she loved me.
    ‘Why now?’ I thought. Why bloody now? I knew I loved her.
    It didn’t matter anyway. I was never going to see her again. I could always imagine life with her, but I chose not to.
    What’s the point in making a fool suffer?

    Everyone knows.
    Everyone knows my darkest secrets.
    Everyone knows the truth, even though they’re scared to admit it.
    It’s okay I’ve admitted it to myself.

    Where did it all go wrong?

    Was it all planned from the start?

    I miss you

    Enough now, get a grip; move on, it’s over

    I never wanted this to be.

    It wasn’t my fault.

    And finally, I believe it.

    
IT WASN’T MY FAULT



Scars Publications


Copyright of written pieces remain with the author, who has allowed it to be shown through Scars Publications and Design.Web site © Scars Publications and Design. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission from the author.




Problems with this page? Then deal with it...