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Order this writing in the issue book This is Where I Life the cc&d Sept./Dec. 2018 issues & chapbooks collection book		get the 372 page Sept./Dec. 2018 cc&d magazine issue collection 6" x 9" ISBN#035; paperback book:

Fake News

Phil Temples

    Thelma is watching the television news. “We’ll be right back after this short break.”
    She turns down the volume and sighs.
    “What are they saying, now?” Fred, her husband asks the question without looking up from his iPad. He’s watching his favorite dog video on Facebook. For the fifth time. It’s the one where the canine is pestered by a rather annoying cat. The dog has had enough; with his massive head, the mutt pushes the cat off the couch. It lands on the floor with a resounding thud. Fred snickers.
    “Something about aliens attacking the country.”
    “Yeah, right,” says Fred. “Are you watching Fox News or one of the ‘fake news’ networks?”
    “Fake.”
    “Yeah.”
    Thelma flips over to Fox News. It’s carrying a “feel-good” story about a horse that got its foot stuck in a storm drain in Boise, Idaho. Along the bottom of the screen are the latest NFL scores. Just as they lead the rescued horse to a trailer, the network breaks to a commercial.
    “So many commercials!” she remarks.
    Thelma flips back to the fake news network. They’re finished with their commercial and are showing a split-screen image: the left-hand side shows both the President and the Vice President of the United States being led off in handcuffs by Federal Marshals. On the right, there’s a rather odd saucer-shaped craft hovering above the ground, shooting laser beams at a group of buildings in the distance. The caption reads “Alien attack near Omaha, NE.” The ticker reads: “Hundreds dead near Omaha... Northern Command responding with troops and planes... Many members of President’s Cabinet reported missing... In the absence of President, Vice President, and House Speaker and Senate Majority Leader, Secretary of State McKinnis sworn in as president... Martial law declared in six western states...”
    “What’s it sayin’ now, Thelma?” Fred asks. He’s moved on to another one of his favorites: people who tease their pets by seemingly disappearing behind a towel. In reality, the pet owner ducks around a corner just as they drop the towel. The poor canines are completely baffled by the trick.
    “Aliens again. Somethin’ about martial law and McKinnis takin’ control of the government.”
    “I sure wish they wouldn’t make shit up!”
    “Fred, keep your voice down please!” replied Thelma. “You’re gonna give yourself another mini-stroke if you’re not careful.”
    “Sorry, you’re right. It just makes me so damn mad. First, they call our beloved president a crook and a traitor. Now all this crap about some alien invasion.”
    Fred puts aside his iPad; he’s watching the fake news program with Thelma. It’s gone to a single screen showing smoldering carnage and charred rubble where once an apartment complex stood. The bottom ticker reads: “...DEADLY ATTACK CLAIMS DOZENS OF LIVES IN CHATEAU CONDO COMPLEX ON 41ST STREET IN COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA...”
    “It’s those damn lib’rals. If the previous administration hadn’t cut back on the D.O.D. budget we’d have plenty of weapons to blast those UFOs out of the sky—assuming they’re even real! I bet they probably staged this whole goddamned thing as part of their plans to take over the government. Turn over to Fox News, hon. Let’s see if they got anything on these so-called aliens.”
    Thelma obediently flips back to Fox News. The commercial is over and the anchor and his guest panelists are discussing how a candidate’s emails from the previous election were deleted and the devices destroyed with a sledgehammer.
    “You see? Nothing on Fox about an invasion. I knew it was fake. Fake as a two-dollar bill!”
    “But Fred, aren’t there two-dollar bills?”
    Fred’s face turns bright red. “Three! I meant a ‘three-dollar’ bill.”
    “I’m tellin’ ya, hon,” Fred continues, “they’ll be H-E-double-EL to pay when God-fearing, patriotic citizens rise up and declare their own martial—”
    Fred’s diatribe is interrupted by the blast from a 250-Megawatt laser canon emanating from one of the Dreyzrxian spacecraft five kilometers away. Fred and Thelma’s house, their television set, along with Fred and Thelma, are vaporized in the fake invasion.
    “After this commercial break, we’ll bring you more on the fabricated testimony of a former, discredited FBI agent. Don’t go away. You’re watching Fox News.”

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