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Order this writing in the collection book Life on the Edge this huge volume is available for only $2395 |
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This appears in a pre-2010 issue
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Small Steps, Heavy Hearts
Adrian Ludens
She had left the room sobbing.
Something so stereotypical couldn't possibly be happening to them and yet here they were. He sat up in bed, covers bunched around his waist. He had lashed out at her, fueled by a toxic brew of guilt and frustration.
A mistake had been made. It was the same kind of mistake that men who have it all always make. Now came the emotional fallout and the facing of consequences. She felt betrayed, hurt and angry. Had she been involved, her feelings might be different. She even admitted as much. But there was no going back now.
From the living room he could hear the sobs wracking her body as he sat there indecisively. She was undoubtedly curled up on the sofa. He slid from the bed and shrugged on a robe. He walked into the dark room where his wife wept and tentatively spoke her name.
She made no reply so he simply sat down in a chair across the room and waited.
“I will always love you. I want to be your best friend, no matter what you decide because of this.” He says it and he means it. He thinks of the old adage “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it”. He wonders if she will ever be lying beside him again.
She weeps, then sleeps. He sits in the chair, listening to her breathing. Finally, just four minutes shy of three in the morning, he leaves the room. On his way back to the bedroom he detours to the kitchen for a drink of water. He also hides the steak knives.
The morning sun rose just like it always does. He awoke to find her gone. He knew she was already at work. He roused their kids, muddled distractedly through breakfast and drove them to school. The first thing he did when he arrived at his own work was punch his time card. The second thing he did was call her cell phone.
“Hey!”he says when she picks up, affecting cheerfulness.
“Hey,” she replies flatly.
“Just wanted to let you know I sent lunch money with the kids.”
“Thank you.”
“How’s work?”
“Fine.”
“How are you?” He asks, a little softer.
“You know how I am.”
“I’m so sorry babe.”
“Yeah.”
“I got you the dvd set of that cartoon show you like.”
“Cool,” she says. Her voice is just a shade more cheerful. He thinks he might have surprised her and hopes it brightens her day just a little.
“I love you.”
“Yeah,” she replies. She’s back to flat again as she hangs up.
He sighs and lets the receiver hang limply in his hand. He sits there silently for another few moments before gently hanging up the phone.
He doesn’t expect a quick fix. The road to forgiveness will be long, the journey to healing even longer. But they will make the journey together, with small steps and heavy hearts.
