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2005
Tanisha Alexander
AKA
Phenomenally
Was filled with the enemy
Whoooo
Let’s see...
I was 23
On New Years Eve
I learned my father had
Been shot while sitting in a car
Fellowshipping
Now I didn’t leave immediately
Because Ya’ll I was bitter
He wasn’t living the way he should have been
Living hustling and dealing
When I did decide to leave
My mother called me
While I was packing
And said dear
He just left us fatally
I began to cry silently
You know the ones
That makes no sound
But rivers roll out
Warming your cheeks
Burning the skin
Under your eyes
And the soul hurts badly
So I unpack
Call my sister and was told to come down shortly
I rent a car
Got my hair done beautifully
When I arrive
I’ve noticed that they had a terrible storm
A bad Ice Storm
Trees were split in two
Nothing but Ice Everywhere
Little did I know that
That Ice Storm wasn’t just covering the stairs,
Streets, and trees
Ohh Lord it was in me
Well I attended the funeral home
To view the body
Little did I know
That would be the first and last time
I’ve seen my father in seven years
See the last time he called me
I was pregnant
But I didn’t tell him
Because I thought he was unworthy
Now he will never know
The child that lived in me
I wanted to talk to him
But the room was busy
And I was afraid to express
My feelings
Emotionally
So I held back
Because I felt it was inappropriate
Well I went back to my the place I was staying
To get some rest
Before the funeral the next morning
To my surprise my auntie
Had awaken me
At what seemed to be
Three in the morning
Saying it’s your sister
She needs to talk to you
And I shake my head NO GO AWAY
I’m soo sleepy
My aunt says
Your sister says it important
HERE
I take the phone
And my sister says
Tanisha Lee
It’s Nicole
Your big sissy
I said a groggy Hello,
She said there would be no funeral
I say what??
She says they burned it the funeral home down
We will not be able to have a funeral today, babe
I say what? WHO?
She says the investigator thinks it could be the guys
That shoot daddy
I was confused
And I felt like my soul
Just said this is too much
And left my body
So I lay in bed
Limp
No energy
Upset
Unable to cry because I was that sad and mad
My mind wouldn’t allow me to rest
I keep saying to my self
This is not me
This is not me
This is not my life
This is not suppose to be
I throw on my pajama pants
And tennis shoes
And I rush to the funeral home
Thinking that Bitch
She’s lying to me
She’s always been jealous of me
Because I’m the baby
The sun is just coming up
So I come around to the funeral home
It was totally burned down
Police investigating
Fire Trucks
Showering
I let out a loud
NO BUT MY DADDY
MY DADDY
My daddy
I didn’t get to say good-bye
Why
The investigator said honey
The medical investigator
Has his body
See we think it is connected to the shooting
These guys drove their trucks into the funeral building
And poured gasoline on his body
Closed the casket
And set the place afire
I was thinking this is not me
this is not happening
Why
Why
Why
Would they do this?
He is already gone
Why are they trying to hurt the family?
So no funeral
No funeral
For another two weeks
And still no leads
On these men sent from the enemy
A few months later
The same men came after
The funeral director
Shot him dead
The investigation has went dead
I still don’t know who killed my dad
Little did I know that
The day in the funeral home
Would be the last time I would see him
EVER
Our funeral was a closed casket
And I was sooo bitter
Ever so bitter
How could he leave me without saying?
Good-bye
To me
How
But one night after praying
He woke me up
At 4am
In the morning and said
Hey Lady
I’ve been distant
Don’t cry over me
You seeing me
Before me passing wasn’t meant to be
Because that’s not how
I want to be remembered
T
I love you
And you have your memories
Love Daddy
