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If You Think This Is Weird

David J. Thompson

I invite my mailman to come inside
every Wednesday. I have him
sit down, then I light some candles
and incense, put on Kind of Blue,
hand him a cold bottle of Stella Artois.
I get on my knees, gently take off his shoes
and socks, then with my softest wash cloth
and a porcelain bowl of hot soapy water,
I wash his feet slowly and thoroughly,
certain to reach all those hard to get to places
between his toes. When we’re both satisfied
the job’s been done right, I dry him off
with my thickest towel and massage in
my homemade mixture of coconut oil
and honey. After that we both smoke a cigarette,
and, worn out by my efforts, I let him
put his shoes and socks back on
by himself. He always assures me that
he’ll be back next week, gives me a handful
of credit card offers, bills, and catalogues
before he heads out the door. If you think
this is weird, you should hear what I do
for the u.p.s. guy on Thursdays.

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