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aching for you

Linda M. Crate

i can’t stand waiting for you
falling beneath the waters
of my own deep end
i sometimes forget i am a good swimmer
when the waters are so deep, so dark, so rough;
i cannot seem to will myself out of these
waters—
i have always been the phoenix
rising from the ashes,
but this time i am having a hard time
rising from this;
and i wish i could believe you when you said
i could tell you anything and that we were friends—
because i don’t feel love or warmth
from you anymore
all i feel is a deep darkness and coldness
of bones that are long past decay,
and i wish i could say that it didn’t bother me
this going away you’ve done;
but i have always been the one that cared and loved more
maybe it was my intensity that drove you away
it makes me feel sorry for myself
a little resentful that i cared, a little bitter that i feel
this aching for you.

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