This appears in a pre-2010 issue
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Charred Remnants (b&w pgs): paperback book $18.95 (b&w pgs):hardcover book $32.95 (color pgs): paperback book $74.93 (color pgs): hardcover book $87.95 |
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I’ve never been a religious man. Despite my overly zealous Grandmother’s constant preaching and praying, I’ve remained fairly neutral on Biblical matters. I just tune her out whenever she starts in.
So last Thursday I was wheeling her along the nature trail that runs beside Dry Prong Creek, and she’s sermonizing as usual. My headphones set her off this time.
“When you listen to rock music, you’re inviting the Devil into your heart,” she says to me.
“Yes Gramma,” I mumbled automatically.
“You need to be ready for the day when the wicked are punished for their sins!” Her voice rose and cracked with emotion.
I sighed and glanced skyward at the sound of flapping wings. A flock of migrating birds was darkening the sky above us.
“Gramma look!” I teased. “The Great Tribulation is at hand! It’s a plague of giant locusts!”
Poor Gramma gave a terrified look toward the sky, grabbed her chest and died right there in her wheelchair! I didn’t even know she had a weak heart! None of us did.
Now the family has gathered for Gramma’s funeral and I’m feeling really jittery.
It wasn’t intentional, I swear. It was just a joke! How am I supposed to explain that to my folks? So I’ve just kept it to myself, but it’s really starting to get to me.
My eyelid keeps twitching, my hands are shaking. Now even my ears are ringing...
Sounds like locusts singing.
