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It’s All Burning

Sarah Lauren

    You think you have the low down about this crazy little thing called life before you ever leave high school. I was all but set on the fact that I had missed out on damn near everything worth living for; seeing that I was born too late, generationally speaking, to see the Stones at wherever or join in for the endless drinks and wild nights at CBGB. However, the truth is that you don’t see that you’re standing on the edge watching it all burn in front of you before your own path is ablaze. You can even see the past if you can get out of the way of yourself sometimes. The world is already set on fire and everyone is climbing their way from the bottom just trying to be seen. On the edge of all this western civilization, it’s clear that everyone is just falling into the desperation of claiming something as “love” or “forever”, whatever that means because it’s irrelevant whether they mean it or not, they just long to have that one thing to hold. Can you blame them? I suppose it makes the so-called “American Dream” a bit more comforting, especially when there is a dream of an actual (socially acceptable) life, career, and the inevitable and stressful change of your major in front of you, all starting with the first of many university t-shirts. My own beginning at a local community college began only a week and a half after my father’s unexpected death. I may not remember that semester’s class schedule or routine, but it gave me a perspective that set my path on a direction that was, and still is, hidden in the fog. The beginning days of any college or university is stressful enough, but with the added emotional pain of losing one of the people I always thought would be around, I lost it all. However, amidst the chaos, I stumbled upon some realizations that most people don’t see until they’ve wasted time stressing their days away. There are only a few specific times that I can remember following the first six months or so, but during those whiskey-fueled camping trips and long night drives, I uncovered some light that could ease even the darkest of times.
    It doesn’t matter if it’s a 48-hour stint of caffeine running through your veins from cramming for a test that has you feeling ten years older or waking up in a strange place from a night that you can’t quite remember - the truth of it all is that there is no so-called perfect way that life is supposed to be. Living, actually being alive, is full of realizing that a good deal of things are not “suppose to be”; you decide how it is going to go. Life itself is as unpredictable as the game.
    Scratch that. At least Milton Bradley gave us specific instructions, which make it far more simplified than this harsh realm.
    Sometimes you get lucky and find the right people at the right time. Life has a tendency of making promises about how things are going to be. It could be the guarantee that you’ll find a dream job, a soul mate, or just have a single perfect hair day. Being let down by these promises leaves you nowhere short of a town called Disappointment populated by the one who looks right through you in the mirror. It’s important to understand that sometimes you must face the fact that life is going to throw you to the wolves who will devour you from time to time, however, it is your responsibility to resurrect. It is okay to say “fuck you” to the world, not because it’s any fault of the world, but because the disappointment that settles with the dust was never supposed to happen. Again, what is? Each day is a chance to live. Change your name. Open your arms. Take a fucking nap. Who cares? Take care of yourself because it will inevitably impact the way you treat others.
    All I know for certain is that my life would not have any purpose if I had not let all the cringe-worthy statements flow out of my mouth or taken part in the days that I regretted for a long time. Though my mind may feel much older than my body, I am thankful for it all. I’ve heard it be said that nothing gold can stay, so just bear that in mind not only through the discouraging times, but for the perfect ones as well. Take it in and keep it safe, just like that dime bag of weed that you hid from your mother in your sock drawer. As for what’s next I couldn’t tell you, but I can assure you that it will be brilliant.

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