Subj: grandma b got rescued today—by her aged son!!
Date: Sunday, September 17 —— 6:50:54 PM
dear janie and mike,
just a quick note to let you know your grandma b is fine and is getting good care at the trudeau center rest home. your late mom&i did a better than decent job 2 yrs ago at choosing this place if i do say so myself. the weather has been unseasonably warm this month&i’ve been seeing my mom/your grandma nearly every day,&most days i take her out into the little courtyard below her room because she likes the fresh air and sunshine. i park her under a little cherry tree for shade—there’s no such thing as a ‘healthy tan’—as my dermatologist has reminded me by burning off 6 more ‘places’ from my forehead this july—& i face her toward the little plum tree that’s below her room.
that’s what i’ve done a few hundred times with little variation. but finally today was different,&i had to make like the cavalry&come to her rescue—a nice change of routine!
i guess i need to give you a little background info for this. back 2 yrs ago when i&my li’l sis/your mom signed grandma b into trudeau’s, we were careful to check NONE in the box where they wanted to know her religion. maybe you never knew that grandma b was brought up in a ‘secular’ jewish home—in any case, when she married grandpa b, who was a baptist (sort of), they agreed that religion would not be something they’d force on any kids they might have&when your mom&i were growing up we tried out going to churches a few times with friends but never felt any real need to stick with any one church. (in college i went to a campus chapel that a seemingly hot at the time young coed attended, but that was in another lifetime of mine.)
anyways, today i sign in at the front desk, leave off two new blouses&a wool skirt for her birthday (coming soon!) to be labeled for her,&then go looking for her. first stop, 2nd floor: i check her room&don’t find her or her roommate there. i check the dining room&see about 25 ladies&2 old duffers half asleep while 3 aides are pasting photos of ‘family day’ onto huge sheets of poster paper—but no grandma b there! next i head for the lounges that are off the corridors between the 2 upstairs wards—half a dozen visitors are meeting with their relatives in these but nowhere is your grandma! i look down at the courtyard from one of the lounges to see if just maybe she got somebody to take her out there—nope! no dice!
soooooo, brainstorm: i go to the nurse’s station&ask the handsome haitian nurse who looks like marion anderson, a famous contralto singer before your time—& mine—if she has any clue as to where mrs. bennett might be hiding. bingo! ‘yes,’ she says, ‘downstairs in the front common room!’ so back to the elevator. 2nd stop: first floor. yes, i find her in the common room—but—oh no—she is miserable there—twitching&shifting in her wheelchair—looking all puzzled&frowny—unable to move fwd or backward.
ten feet in front of her is a white-haired preacher holding his bible overhead&urging everyone to open their hearts&renounce satan. he is flanked by 4 other well-meaning men who are slightly younger than he is&who shout ‘amen, brother!’ after every sentence or 2.
looks like a job for SUPERCHARLES!
i thread my way in, past 35 other wheelchairs that are pretty tightly lined up—she being in the center approximately. she sees me&knows i’m a friend of SOME sort—maybe even a relative—& begins to smile&wave one hand to get my attention—tho’ i am looking right at her. in less than 40 seconds i’m standing behind her chair&she’s saying, ‘get me outta here! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!’
sooooo i release the brakes of her wheelchair&ease it around&down a narrow aisle between rows of ‘inmates’ who are in their chairs. 2 or 3 people are even able to move backwards so we can get through,&your grandma&i thank them. just as we make our exit, the choir breaks into song with ‘old rugged cross,’&grandma thanks me for rescuing her.
i ask her if would she like to go outdoors into the little courtyard&she does, so we do. then i ask her HOW she ended up at the service in there&she has no idea.
we look at the zinnias&marigolds&impatience (sp?) that are still in bloom&then she points to her 2nd floor window&says, ‘that’s my room’&i tell her yes.
‘do you feel better now?’ i ask&she says it’s nice in the sun. for better or worse she had already forgotten being at ‘church’—for some things it’s as if a damp sponge is wiping clean the chalkboard of her mind a minute or less after something happens to her. i’ve talked to her nurses, her doctor, her aides,&the social workers—& they say every ‘resident’ is different in what they can hold onto&how quickly they forget things. lately she’s beginning to forget names of her family—even my dad/her husband! i’ve made her several copies of LINDA F. BENNETT’S LIFE HISTORY (2 pp. long&color-coded for parents, children, grandchildren,&great-grandchildren)&she loves it but is perpetually surprised every time she reads it—esp. when she gets to her own age. i usually try to inventory her for what she remembers, both recent things&things long past,&i’m sorry to say there’s been steep slippage lately in the latter. if you want to phone her, before 3 p.m. is best&even then she will probably be pretty confused. it may be that you’d rather remember her as she used to be&i can relate to that too.
again, the staff here is really super. i have left answering machine messages for the director&the social worker that grandma b is NOT to be taken to any more ‘church’ services here&i’ll follow up with them on monday morning. i’m sure they will follow through.
love to all,
uncle charles
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Subj: Re: grandma b got rescued today—by her aged son!!
Date: Sunday, September 17 —— 9:23:47 PM
Dear Uncle Charles,
Thank you so very much for taking good care of Grandma B! It is so reassuring to read that she is being cared for properly by caring people! I know that you and Mom made the right choice and that you are continuing to make the right decisions about Grandma’s care now. I can only imagine how it must be for YOU to see some one you love getting more and more helpless and forgetful - right before your very eyes. I am certainly very thankful that you were able to rescue Grandma from those people even if they were well meaning - as I am SURE they were! As you said, she may forget lots of things VERY rapidly, but she DOES know when she’s happy and when she is very UNHAPPY - and you were her HERO this afternoon!
Hope YOUR health is holding up. We are all doing well. Bob got lots of overtime this past month and I have just started clerking at a new store. The folks seem nice so far. Bob Jr. and Ally are getting along well in school so far, too, and have a new puppy now, replacing ol’ Harcourt Fenton Mudd who had to be put to sleep in July. No name yet for the new pup - maybe we should call him “Nemo”? < smile >
Tons of LOVE from all of us - and VERY VERY VERY grateful thanks again!
Janie
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Subj: Re: grandma b got rescued today—by her aged son!!
Date: Thursday, September 21 —— 10:14:29 PM
Deaer Uncle Charlie,
Good to hear the good news about Granma B being rescued! I can relate to how she must of felt! Mom&Dad never pushed church on Janie&me but Becky my ex was always after me about it&did drag me there a quite few times!! Wasn’t a happy camper!!
Your definately right about rembering Granma as she was. I bet most days she doesn’t even know she has a granson does she?
I think Janies husband Bob feels pretty much like I do about church. Why mess with somethings when there’s good games to watch on the TV! Right? Live and let live!
Speaking of Janie, she sent me a pretty good funny yesterday abot that situation. She was always the sharpest tack in the draw anyway, wasn’t she? Am pasting it below for you.
Congrats for that great rescue from me to!
Mike
<< So, thanks to Uncle Charlie, Grandma was “rescued” - but not “saved.” >>>
