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 “Seasons”
Down in the Dirt, v171 (the May 2020 Issue)



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Dishonest Answers for Your Obligatory Questions

K. Stacy

    “What do you do for fun” or “what are your hobbies” are the typical first-impression questions thrown at someone when they start a new school year or begin a new grueling job. For me, I have a resentment for the fakeness of those questions. My answers, if answered truthfully, would be terrible.
    List Your Outside Hobbies: I like to eat ice cream bars for breakfast on Sundays, when I’m in bed and not wearing any pants. My favorite hobby is to watch Netflix for such a long time that it asks me if I’m still there. When I cook, I have a favorite burner that I like to use and I feel like I betray it when I use a different one. Before bed, I tell my dog bedtime stories and tuck her in.
    NOONE wants to hear that! Instead, I lie. I write that I go to yoga on weekends, even though the last time I did “downward dog”, I was just picking up a piece of trash. Or I write that I play tennis at the local athletic club, but I only did that when it was a free membership day. So, at my interview for a management position at Target, when I was asked what I like to do in my free time, I gave the partial truth. I said, “study modern history” because last night, I watched four episodes of American Pickers.
    For this dog and pony show of modern hiring, I will smile, lie, put on makeup, and be as fake as the girls on tv. Ending with, “I thank you for your time and the decision that you make”.



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