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This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book “Gone Fishing” Down in the Dirt, v173 (the July 2020 Issue) Order the paperback book:

Order this writing that appears in the one-of-a-kind anthology Outside the Box the Down in the Dirt May-Aug. 2020 issues collection book		get the 422 page May-Aug. 2020 Down in the Dirt 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback book:

Fragile

Camila Lopez-Passapera

It feels like I just woke up
from a thousand year slumber
and all I get to wonder
is when reality became
so superficial, when landscapes
began to feel like I could peel
them back and unravel some
horrible truth about the universe
or worse, reveal nothing.
It seems like everything
I run into these days
eventually turns to nothing.
My grandmother tells me
there’s so many things wrong
in her body that she’s no longer
aware of what bothers her most.
She calls for a nurse and tells
the woman to give her whatever
it takes to make her feel
like she can breathe again.
Maybe that’s what this is, too.
Living with an invisible illness
that makes it so I can never tell
where the pain is coming from
and trying to make anything,
anyone, the antidote.
I learn a new language
to see if I can find a word
that describes the way the air
constricts its hands around my neck
and I suffocate in plain earth
thinking forever must be lonely
full of false promises
like a kid whose birthday
no one comes to, even though
they RSVP’d, and I guess
eternity would be nice
if we didn’t have to die
someday.

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