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Reptile Lust
(part 2 of the story)

James Bates


(see the next issue of cc&d for part two of James Bates’ story “Reptile Lust”)

    “It’s simple a case of your brain, or more specifically your hypothalamus, taking over,” she said a few years ago when I first told her what was happening, “Thinking has nothing to do with it. It’s all about your need for sex.”
    When she initially told me this I got good and mad and argued vehemently against her accusation. How could she dare think that? I hated the guy. He was a lazy, good for nothing son-of-a-bitch with not one thing going for him except two great kids who happened to be mine. Well, his too, of course, but still... I was the primary care-giver and the main source of income and security for Kenny and Laura. He only saw them two days a month for god’s sake! I’m sorry but here I go again, getting all wound up. The point is, and the point Sara was trying to make back then and still believes to this day, is that I’m attracted to Freddie for nothing other than pure and simple physical need. While we’re at it you might as well add in the fact that he was still good looking enough to push a few of my buttons - in a good way, if you know what I mean. Then toss in the intense pleasure he gives me on those rare occasions we get together and maybe you can see my conundrum. Or maybe not, but I am putting my hand on a bible right now and making a promise that that’s all there is too it. I don’t, I repeat, don’t, want to get back with him - a statement I keep telling myself every time I’ve been with him. The truth is, I know that I should just end it and be done with him for good and forever. I really should, but, the problem is I never do.
    Thinking about this all on the drive over to the trail it occurred to me that I really was being an idiot about the whole thing. What I should do after this fiasco with the missing child and the missing python is over is this: finally and definitely end it with Freddie - for now and for all time. Yeah, that’s for sure the best course of action. The reasonable thing to do.The smart thing to do.
    But, unfortunately, I knew myself well enough to know I was just blowing smoke. I was still in deep with the guy, hard as it was to admit.
    I looked out the window at the passing neighborhood of big homes and big yards where Sally’s grandparents lived and wondered if Jake was out there. Well, of course he was, but where? That was the sixty-four thousand dollar question. And that was the question that drove lustful thoughts of my good for nothing ex right out of my mind because right now there were other things to worry about, mainly finding little Sally before the big python did.
    But Sara wasn’t quite finished with me. She had one more thing to add, one more sharp ended point to make and to jab deep into me just as we were arriving at the search area. “From a biological standpoint my friend,” she said, grimly, taking her eyes off the road for an instant and drilling them into me, “You need to know that there are some things that are hard to control.” She clicked on the turn-signal before finishing her thought, “Your need for sex and that python’s need to eat.”
    Geez. Thanks a lot for the reminder.
    I looked into the back seat. The four kids were sitting with their eyes wide and their mouths hanging open, not saying a thing. I turned around and looked out the front window and thought, man, what have I gotten myself into?
    Sara applied the brakes and brought the car to a stop. We got out to join the other searchers. I looked at her as we walked toward them and my friend put a comforting arm around my shoulder, saying, “It’s Ok, kiddo. It is what it is,” meaning me and Freddie, I figured, “We can talk more later. Now, let’s go find that little girl.”
    Which made as much sense as anything.
    A few hours later and after hiking many misquote filled miles, we had come up empty. No little girl. Our search leader tried to rally to the exhausted troops. “You did real good, folks,” he said, wiping away the sweat from his forehead with the yellow bandana he’d been wearing, before taking a long slug from a water bottle, “Really good. It’s too late to do much more now although I know we all still want to.” We all grimly nodded our agreement. I drank water and made the kids drink, too, before dumping the rest of a bottle over my head, trying to cool off. It didn’t help. “The main thing is, though,” he continued, “We need to get re-hydrated and get some rest. How many of you want to continue to search tomorrow? I’m planning to start at seven in the morning.”
    We all raised our hands, even Kenny and Laura and Sara’s kids. Randy smiled, “That’s the spirit. That’s great. We’ll meet back at the community center in the morning then and make assignments. We might move to another search area.” He waved and we all said good-bye and then Sara drove us back to town so I could pick up my car. We were there in ten minutes.
    “You doing Ok?” she asked. I’d gotten Kenny and Laura into the Honda where they flopped in the backseat completely done in, moments away from falling into a deep sleep. Sara’s kids were already sacked out in the back of the Prius. I was standing outside my car, leaning against the side brushing some stray bugs away from my face and picking a wood tick off my arm, barely able to keep on my feet but not yet ready to leave the comfort of my friend.
    “I am,” I told her, flicking the wood tick away, “I just don’t know why I do the things I do,” Meaning with Freddie, but Sara knew that.
    “I just want you to be safe,” she said, “And not do anything to hurt yourself.”
    Sara had told me this a hundred times before. It was good advice and advice that I should have been taking so why didn’t I? Could I simply chalk up my reluctance to do the right thing - dump Freddie and move on - to not being able to control myself and, as Sara so bluntly put it, my reptile lust? Was I that pathetic? Was I really just like that creepy python lying in wait out there somewhere, looking for some poor unsuspecting animal, or worse, human, to eat, except in my case it was me looking to have sex with my ex? Yeah, I guess when you put it that way, I was pathetic.
    I shook my head. I was just too tired to think about me and Freddie anymore. It was little Sally the missing girl who we had to worry about and keep our attention focused on. God only knew what she was going through right now. I felt a sudden surge of concern flow through me and blinked back a tear, thinking about Sally’s parents and what they must now be feeling. This would be the longest night of their lives, and they had to be going insane with worry. I know I would be. I couldn’t wait to begin searching again, bug bites and exhaustion notwithstanding. Tomorrow morning couldn’t come soon enough.
    I gave Sara a big, hard, hug. “You’re a good friend. I wish I was stronger.”
    She blurted out a laugh and, in this stressful night, I have to say that her laughter sounded wonderful and gave me a much needed emotional boost. “Don’t worry, Beth,” she said, “You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. I’ve known you long enough to know that. You’ll eventually do the right thing and move on from that loser of an ex of yours.”
    I gave her another tight hug before letting her go, all the while thinking that they were nice words to hear even though I had a massive amount of trouble believing them.
    Back home I stepped out of the car to the hooting call of a Great Horned Owl, a sound that for some reason always makes me feel secure and comforted. Then I remembered Jake. Damn. I awoke the kids, hurried them across the backyard and into the house, stepping lively even though I could hardly move my feet I was so tired. In ten minutes the kids were fast asleep, tucked into their beds, so worn out they didn’t even move once they hit the sheets. Then I sat up on the couch until at least three in the morning, lightly tapping the baseball bat in my hand. I had a lot to think about: Sally, Jake and Freddie. It was a short night in one respect, but a long one in another, and when I finally fell asleep, I hadn’t accomplished anything. Nothing that is except I kind of did a number on my hand, constantly slapping at it with my bat. It was pretty bruised when I saw it that next morning. In a way, I probably deserved it.
    A loud sound woke me from where I’d fallen asleep on the couch. My head was mashed between the cushion and the back but I heard it just fine since apparently I’d left my phone right next to my ear and Water Under the Bridge by Adele was coming through loud and clear. It was Sara calling. “Sally’s been found,” she yelled, “She’s safe.”
    I let out a muted whoop of joy as I sat up and pumped my fist in the air. “Yea” I didn’t want to wake Kenny and Laura, but being as exhausted from last night as they were they probably wouldn’t have awoken to a full blown cheer from a stadium packed with rabid football fans.
    “What happened” I asked going to make some coffee.
    Sara filled me in, talking excitedly, “It turned out that yesterday afternoon Sally had wandered a few houses down from her grandparents, found a storage shed unlocked and crept inside where she eventually fell asleep under a tarp. Can you believe it? Under a tarp! That’s why no one had seen her when they’d looked inside during yesterdays search. When she awoke it was nighttime and she was afraid so she stayed put and eventually fell asleep again. The owner of the shed found her this morning when he went out to get his lawn mower ready to spend the day cutting his three acre lawn. To say both he and Sally were surprised would be putting it mildly.”
    Sara and I were ecstatic that the story had happy ending and so was our town and all the people who had been out searching last night.”We’ve been invited to the community center at noon for a celebration,” Sara said, “Do you want to go?”
    I checked the clock. It was six thirty. “Yeah, I do,” I told her. “There’s something I need to do first, though.”
    “What?”
    “I’ll tell you when I see you.”
    “Does it have to do with Freddie?” Sara asked, coyly. I could see her sly smile over the phone. It helped firm my resolve for what I was going to do.
    “Yeah, it does,” I told my friend, “I’ll tell you when I see you.”
    I hung up and went into the each of the kid’s rooms. They were sleeping soundly and I didn’t want to wake them. I left note on the kitchen table just to be on the safe side. What I had to do wasn’t going to take long. I hoped. Then I went out and got in the Honda and drove through low lying morning fog to Freddie’s. I was so preoccupied I didn’t even think to look for Jake on the way out to my car.
    The sun was up just above the trees and the day was already muggy and warm. It was probably going to be hot later, another typical August summer day, but I wasn’t thinking about the weather at all. I pulled up to the garage slash shack of Freddie’s, turned off my car and got out. The yard, if you could call it that, was even more of a mess than I’d ever seen it with fenders and other pieces of cars scattered around along with a bunch of unidentifiable parts of other motorized vehicles. There was some construction equipment parked haphazardly nearby, too, probably Cameron’s stuff: a couple of bobcats, a front end loader and three dump trucks. Even an old moving van was sitting off to the side, rusting down onto it rims. It looked more like a junk yard than a place where someone lived. Ronnie drove a red, beat up Saturn and it was parked at an odd angle right next to the front of the garage. What passed for grass was growing knee high and mostly dead, with chest high weeds being the big winners here. Fat blue bottle flies were swarming everywhere and what looked like maggots were crawling on every surface I looked at, so I quit looking.
    I did, however, take a long moment and gazed around wondering what I’d ever seen in this guy in the first place. God help me. There really was something drastically wrong with someone who didn’t mind living this way not to mention someone who hung around with said person, like me, on occasion.
    But no more.
    I walked on a narrow, slimy path to the entrance on the side of the garage where I paused, taking a deep breath before letting it out, psyching myself up. Then I pounded on the door. Pounded hard and then shook my head in disgust when some pieces of paint fell off. What a crap place to live. After a minute of pounding I heard Ronnie tell Freddie to, “For god’s sake get yourself up and go see what the hell’s going on.”
    I heard movement, shuffling, coughing and then my ex opened the door. I hadn’t seen him face to face in a month and in that time he seemed to have gone even further downhill. He was wearing a torn tee-shirt and tattered boxers and looked beyond disheveled, his long hair hanging dirty and oily to his shoulders, some of it in his face. The disgusting stink of who knew how many days of not bathing followed him to the door in a pungent cloud. There was a week’s worth of beard stubble on his face and his eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot. He still had his thin build of high school, but over the years had grown a belly shaped like a watermelon that seemed to get bigger every time I saw him and now looked like he’d swallowed a huge pumpkin. His eyes lit up, though, when he saw it was me and he smiled, his teeth more brown than white.
    “Hey there, Bethie button,” he said. His breath smelled rank, even from the four feet that separated us. He took a step forward with the intention of giving me a friendly hug and asked, “How’s my girl doing?”
    I took a step back and held up my hand to stop him. “Cool it, buddy,” I said. “I’m here for one reason and one reason only.”
    He looked confused and blinked his eyes for a moment. Then it seemed like a light bulb went on in his head, “Oh, yeah, I get that,” he grinned, and looked over his shoulder back to where I assumed Ronnie was, probably listening to every word said between us. He was clueless to the angry tone of my voice and, instead, lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and said, “I’ve got company now, sweetheart. Why don’t you come back in a couple of hours after she goes to work. Then we can...” he chuckled and, I kid you not, ran his tongue over his chapped lips, before saying, “...you know, have some fun together.”
    In my mind I saw what he thought I was there for - me and him getting it on in his disgusting bed in his filthy excuse of a home. The image of the two of us together just about made me puke. I think I actually gagged before catching myself and reminding myself why I was really there.
    “Not on your life, pal,” I told him, “Not now, and not tomorrow, and not the day after. In fact, not ever.” I moved a step toward him and he stepped back, reacting to the menace in my voice. “And don’t you ever think about it again,” I added, “I’m done with you and I’m done with us. It’s over.” I heard the final certainty in my voice and liked it. I liked it a lot.
    Then I put both my hands on his good for nothing boney chest and pushed him hard. He stumbled back a few steps, looking perplexed before regaining his balance. When he did he just stood there looking like he’d lost his best friend. Maybe he had, but too bad. It was time to move on. For both of us.
    The only thing he could think to say was, “Hey...”
    From the darkness inside Ronnie yelled, “Freddie, shut the damn door and come back to bed and leave that bitch alone.”
    I was wound up and almost stormed into the garage to give her a piece of my mind. Almost, but I held back. I had nothing to say to Ronnie. Let her think I was a bitch. Maybe I was, but I was as done with her as I was done with Freddie. She’d be gone soon anyway to make room for someone else and it wasn’t going to be me. My ex was a creep and a jerk who thought it was okay to keep a python in the same place while his two kids stayed with him. That’s not what a responsible parent was supposed to do, and that was just the tip of an iceberg of my ex’s faults that all put together were enough to have sunk the Titanic. I was done with Freddie, for now and forever. It only took that python, Jake, to help point the error of my ways and to see my ex for the loser he really was.
    I slammed the door and left them to their pathetic lives. I walked to my car, started it and drove off. But I did take one last look in the rearview mirror. Freddie had opened the door and was standing outside, watching me drive off. He must have regained his composure because he had the audacity to wave to me and give me a big smile like nothing whatsoever had happened and that things between us were still fine. Wrong! I rolled down the window and stuck my hand out and gave him the finger. His smile disappeared in an instant. Then I hit the gas. It was the best I’d felt in a long time.
    Later, when I told all of this to Sara the first thing she did was give me a high five. Then she hugged me. Then she asked, “So you’re rid of him. Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” Not skeptical, really, more curious than anything else.
    We were sitting at a picnic table down at Lakeside City Park, located on the west end of Long Lake. There was a big celebration going with grills scattered around and guys cooking up brats and wieners and corn on the cob, all of the food smoking away, and the aroma of it all making my mouth water like there was no tomorrow. There were coolers full of soft drinks and bottled water, kids playing on the playground equipment, others fooling around on the beach or swimming in the refreshing water of the lake and dogs running around in the newly constructed dog park. In short, there was a lot of activity going on, like semi-organized chaos. It felt wonderful to be part of it. The celebration had been moved from the community center to the park when it became obvious that so many people wanted to attend and celebrate the happy ending to the story of the missing Sally Carthwright.
    It was now mid afternoon and things were in full swing. Someone had even organized an impromptu concert of sorts with a couple of guitars, a fiddle and a mandolin set up near where we were sitting under a huge cottonwood tree. I was eyeballing the fiddle player, a tall, thin, guy wearing a wicked grin and a straw cowboy hat who was new in town and who I recognized from walking by my house occasionally.
    Sara shook my shoulder to get my attention, “Hey, I asked what made you change your mind about Freddie?”
    “You mean the fact that he’s an idiot and a loser and a pothead, that’s not enough?” I said, dragging my eyes away from that tall drink of cool water who just happened to be a kick-ass fiddle player.
    Sara nodded smiling, because, not being a fan of my ex, she’d only told me this a million times before. “How about the kids? You still going to let them see him?”
    “I don’t like it, but yeah, they can. He’s their father after all. But I’m definitely going to keep a closer check on things, that’s for sure.”
    “You mean like regarding pythons and things like that?”
    I smiled and took a sip of my bottled water, “Yeah, something like that.”
    Sara was more than just a good friend. She had taught me a lot in the three years I’d known her and not all of it science stuff. She was the one person I could talk to about what was on my mind concerning the kids, my job and life in general. I hoped in some small way I was good for her, too. I wanted to be.
    I looked out over the Lake. The water was glistening under a cloudless blue sky in the bright sunshine and ninety degree heat. There were colorful sailboats and slow moving fishing boats and even a few speed boats trailing wake boarders around. Gulls flew overhead squawking and calling. Kids laughter filled the air and the old time sound of that fiddle player carried over it all, reminding me how much I loved living in our little town.
    Then I had a thought and my heart jumped and started racing and my breath went out in a gasp. Uncontrollably, my hands started shaking. In all the excitement I’d forgotten. What about Jake? I involuntarily looked under the picnic table as I lifted my feet off the ground. What about that damn python? I looked at Sara and she looked back at me as if reading my thoughts.
    “You’re thinking about that snake, aren’t you? She asked.
    I silently nodded my head, Yes, trying to get a grip on myself. Snakes I was fine with, but a big python? Well that was another matter all together. It was drop dead dangerous creature, pure and simple.
    “Well, what do you think?” she asked me, “What do you want to do?”
    I had dealt with my ex, Freddie, now maybe it was time to deal Jake.
    I sucked in my breath and along with it my courage, building myself up before telling her, “I think we should go on another little search,” I told her, “I think it’s time we seriously try to find that python.”
    Now a smart person probably would have bagged the whole thing and reported the missing snake to the police, but I didn’t want to do that. I guess I had something to prove to myself, prove that I could face my fear of the python and maybe get beyond it.
    “Whatever you want to do,” she said, “I’m on board.”
    What an amazing friend she was, to put it mildly.
    I stood up and scanned the crowd, looking for Kenny and Laura. I wasn’t going to bring them with, of course, I just wanted to tell them to stay with Caleb and Emma until Sara and I got back. My plan was tentative and unformed, but I was committed. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go face to face with a big python, but now was as good a time as any to find out.
    I only shuddered once or twice, like the temperature outside had just dropped fifty degrees or so.
    My resolve was steeled, though, and I was still looking through the crowd for my kids when I got a beep on my phone. I glanced at it. Freddie was calling. What the hell? I almost didn’t answer, but I was curious...what could possibly be on his mind?
    “What?” I asked, hoping my menacing tone from earlier was still there. I think it was.
    “Just cool down,” he said, his words tumbling out in a rush, “And don’t hang up. I just wanted to tell you something I thought you’d be interested to know. You don’t have to worry anymore. I found Jake.”
    “Say again?”
    “I said, I found Jake.”
    That’s what I thought he said.
    Talk about wonder of wonders. Apparently the python been curled up in the cab of the bobcat I’d seen earlier parked near the garage. Freddie told me he’d forgotten to look there when he’d begun searching for it a few days ago. My first thought: what a bozo. Who could possibly be dumb enough not to check a logical hiding place so close to the garage? Well, duh. Asked and answered. My second thought: shit, I’d walked right by that bobcat earlier that morning. Jake could easily have grabbed me. My third and final thought: god, was I glad to be done with both Jake and my ex.
    “Ok, fine, thanks for the info,” I told him. I couldn’t hang up fast enough. Just talking to him was giving me the creeps. Maybe I really had started to move on.
    I turned to Sara, “You’ll never guess what happened. Then I filled her in on what Freddie had told me.
    She couldn’t get the words, “What a bozo,” out of her mouth fast enough. I smiled at her echoing my words exactly, thinking, That’s my girl.
    “Let’s go,” I told her.
    We walked through the crowd over to the playground where I had seen Kenny and Laura swinging. “Come on, you two,” I said called to them, “let’s us go and get us some ice cream and keep this celebration going.” I turned to Sara, “You want to come with?”
    “Wouldn’t miss it. Let me go get my kids.”
    “I’ll meet you at my car.”
    Kenny and Laura ran ahead as I walked slowly across the sandy beach toward the parking lot. I felt good. Felt liberated. Felt free of Freddie and felt like I really would have had the courage to face down that python if we’d have found him.
    Sara came up from behind as her kids ran on to her car. She put her arm around me, “You know, you did a good thing, dumping Freddie. He wasn’t good for you.”
    I smiled at my friend and hugged her back. “I know that now and thanks, but actually I was thinking about Jake. I wonder if I would have been able to be able to capture him?”
    “Of course not. That thing probably weighed at least a couple of hundred pounds. We’d have to have called animal control or something.”
    Of course, that’s what we would have done. I appreciated Sara’s rational thinking. I shivered to myself in spite of the hot day, thinking again about Jake. As we walked to my car I told myself that I still would have liked to try...would have liked to come face to face with the big python and try to deal with him. I’m pretty sure I would have found the courage to do it. To this day, that’s what I keep telling myself, anyway. I’m pretty sure I still believe it.
    Oh, by the way, later on at the ice cream place I tried a new flavor I’d never had before, just to celebrate being rid of Freddie and facing my fear of Jake the python. It was Tutti-frutti, and I have to say, it tasted pretty darn good. Life has been getting better ever since.

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