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This writing was accepted for publication in the
108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book
 “Drowning in the Darkness”
Down in the Dirt, v174 (the August 2020 Issue)



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Outside the Box
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2020 issues collection book

 Outside the Box (Down in the Dirt book) issue collection book get the 422 page
May-Aug. 2020
Down in the Dirt
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I Needed To Breathe

Travis Green

As I sat on the rooftop of my home,
the whistling wind brushing up against
my cheeks, the tall trees twirling in wild
rhythms, the sound of various vehicles
breezing along the highway, the thick tires
treading the road, smoke from their engines
releasing their broken love notes in the air,
my heart was heavy, filled with so much
despair and depression. I felt like I was
on a rollercoaster ride, my thighs tingling,
hands fidgeting, cloudy grey eyes lost
in lifeless timelines. I didn’t know how
to live in a world where I couldn’t be me,
how to be a gay man in a world that
diverged away from anything that
conflicted the norm. I was living
on the other side of the spectrum,
wanting to belong, to exist within
their world and feel the lovely tunes
surrounding the landscape. As a gay
man, it wasn’t easy hanging around
the crowd, to feel their unsettling presence,
to know that they were uncomfortable
with me being around them, to hear
the smirks and silent conversations
that they thought I didn’t notice,
to feel every part of my existence
breaking like a useless tree limb,
to feel it all, not knowing what I could
do or say to make everything feel right.
I wanted it all to be gone, these immense
thoughts filling my head, making it hard
to exist and live. I needed to breathe
and be free, just to be free and taste
the excitement on the horizon.



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