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Keep All Your Damn Prayers To Yourself

David J. Thompson

I really think God could stand
a good vacation. Really, no kidding.
So, let’s all agree to have maybe
a month or just a couple weeks
where nobody is allowed to pray.
And I do mean nobody, Christian,
Muslim, Jew, Hindu . . . whatever.
Sure, the world is pretty fucked up
right now, we can all agree to that,
but instead of nagging God’s tired ass
about everything from your aunt’s arthritis
to global warming, let’s give him a break
for a while. It can’t get much worse, right?

When was the last time God had any time off?
And remember, he works harder on weekends
than he does during the week. How fucked up
is that? Think about it. No wonder he’s been ignoring all of us.
The poor guy’s just got to be completely exhausted,
worn out by billions of people bombarding him
with requests in all kinds of weird languages 24/7.
Perhaps if he could get away for a while
from everybody bothering him all the time,
maybe go skiing or to the beach somewhere,
he’ll have time to think things over, come back
on a Monday morning tanned and rested
and feeling refreshed for the first time,
in what, 2000 years? So, c’mon let’s try
cutting God some slack. Leave him alone
for a little while, keep all your damn prayers
to yourself. Give him a well-deserved break,
and maybe then a grateful God will have the energy
to give us the kind of world we’ve been praying for
all these years.

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