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 “In the Singularity”
Down in the Dirt, v175
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Letter to a Friend

Kevin Statham

    Joan,
    I’m writing to tell you I’ve broken things off with Henry. You’ll probably think this is a bit sudden, but I finally decided I need my independence. I think I’ve been missing out on a lot of things and I need a change. Besides, he wasn’t really contributing anything. I mean, he helped out a little, but I usually wound up doing the cooking and most of the housework.
    Anyway, it happened the other day. The dog was running around the table and knocked over one of my crystal glasses - the ones I bought when we moved in together. I started yelling at the dog and smacking him a little when Henry comes in and tells me to cool out, like he was taking the dog’s side or something. I never wanted the dog in the first place, so I told him that if he was going to put its importance ahead of mine, he could get out. Then we really started fighting.
    So the long and the short of it is that Henry’s gone and I think it’s for the best. Even if he begs to come back I don’t think I’ll let him. This is a big opportunity for me. I’m going to start doing things from now on - museums, restaurants, clubs, you know. I can do whatever I want now. Right now I’m watching Cheers on TV - Henry hates that show. The best thing is, I don’t have to listen to him play that goddamn guitar. He always played so loud, and he always played the same damn songs. I know them all.
    The dog’s still here, though. Henry’s staying at a friend’s apartment and pets aren’t allowed. The damn thing’s been following me around all day. He’s a pest. I bought him a box of Milk Bones, and after I gave him the first one I knew I’d made a mistake. He’s stuck to me like glue. Right now he’s munching on one, getting crumbs all in the carpet. He really loves those things.
    You’ll have to drive up for a weekend soon. We’ll go out and get wild. It’ll be a really great time. We’ll go out to bars and all sorts of stuff. We’ll figure out what to do when you get here. It’s a big town and I’m sure there’s a lot of trouble we can get into.
    I’ve decided to go shopping tomorrow - all by myself. I’m going to go out and buy whatever I want. Well, not whatever I want, but at least Henry’s not here to say anything about it. I might get a new collar for the dog. That spiked thing Henry picked out is so ugly. Besides, I think it’s a little too tight.
    Anyway, I just wrote to tell you the big news. Not much to say about it I guess. Well, I’ve got to run now. I think my cake is burning in the oven.



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