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A Double Wide Night

Robert Morris

    Ya’eva’ been in a double wide?
    I hadn’t neither, ‘til I went to visit my Aunt Mit and Cliff Varnador. Walkin’ up them three shaking metal stairs into theirs, was somethin’. My Aunt Mit gave me a big hug and said, “Ya’ want to look around?”
    “Sure,” I said. It had an aisle down the middle. The double wide kindly shook when I walked in it. I was a big young ‘un and took up the space of two people. It had a kitchen, right next to the bedroom. The pot was next to that. It had a indoor shower. I hadn’t never seen a color T.V. before. There was big winders that looked out on the pine trees. I don’t know what else it had. It was the fanciest house I’d ev’r seen.
    My Aunt Mit and Cliff Varnador lived in it because he was a repair man down at the car dealer and made good money. He called himself a mechanic, but I knew he was just a repair man. My Aunt Mit lived with him and maybe was married to him, I never rightly knew about that. She was a waitress at the Altha Café in town. Her real name was Mildred. That’s what ever’ body else called her. I started calling her my Aunt Mit when I was real little, ‘cause I couldn’t say Mildred very well.
    When I walked in that first time, he was in his undershirt drankin’ a Miller High Life, watching T.V. She was drankin’ one too and makin’ suppa’. I stood there wide eyed and said, “Ya’ll sure got a big house, Cliff Varnador.” He didn’t do nothing but look at me. Didn’t say nary a word for a long time. It made me kind’a nervous, the way he stared, his eyes blood shot and all. Finally he asked, “You want a beer, boy?”
    “Hush Cliff Varnador, he’s only a boy and ain’t old enough to drink no beer,” my Aunt Mit said before I could answer. Then she asked me, “What ya’ want for suppa’?”
    “A hot dog, if ya’ got ‘em.”
    “Boy why do you want a hot dog?” asked Cliff Varnador, his voice boomed.
    “Cause I love ‘em and they fill me up,” I replied. “I’d like a bun too, if you don’t mind.”
    “We got ‘em. Ya’ can have two if ya’ want,” my Aunt Mit laughed. “No ma’am, one will do me,” I said. That was the best meal I eva’ had that night in the double wide with my Aunt Mit and Cliff Varnador. We sat on the sofa watching T.V., eatin’ our suppa’.
    Pretty soon my Aunt Mit said, “I got to get dressed Cliff.” She turned to go to her bed room, next to the kitchen.
    She smiled and went into her room.
    Cliff Varnador and I sat there watchin’ a football game. Ever’ once in a while he’d holler, and make a sound like a dog in heat. He’d do it when Georgia bulldogs would do something he liked. They was playin’ the Florida gaters. After a while he asked me, “Boy do you like the bulldogs or the gaters the best?”
    “Georgia bulldogs,” I said, even though I really like Florida gaters.
    “Atta’ boy!” he said and clapped me on the shoulder. Pretty soon I had to go to the pot and asked, “Cliff Varnador can I use your pot?”
    “Just don’t make no mess,” he said, without looking at me.
    I walked down the aisle toward the pot and passed my Aunt Mit’s bedroom. She was puttin’ on her corset. It was the funniest thing I’d eva’ seen. She’d tied the strings to the bed post and was pullin’ for all she was worth, tryin’ to get her belly and butt smaller. It was a blue blivett. She puffed as she worked at it. Finally she got as much as she could stuff into that poor corset and tied the strings off.
    After I got back to watching the T.V., she came out of her bedroom wearing a bright red dress, red stockings, black shoes and a big blue flower penned on her dress. She said, “Cliff go get dressed. We’re gonna’ be late.”
    He humped hisself up off the sofa and ambled into their room. Soon he came out. He had put on a shirt. Buttoned up, his belly still bulged. It was a red cowboy shirt, with pockets that snapped shut. He didn’t tuck it in. His britches were blue. He had on boots that looked like something Tom Mix would wear.
    Soon they headed out the door.
    “Ther’s coke in the refrigerater and chips in the pantry. H’ep yourself. Just don’t make no mess,” my Aunt Mit said.
    “Yes ma’am.”
    That was one of the best nights of my life. I watched T.V., drank cokes, ate chips, and lay on the sofa.
    I had just fallen asleep, watching a war movie, when I heard ‘em come in the metal door. They was clumsy. I heard Cliff Varnador say something about ‘getting lucky.’ And I heard my Aunt Mitt laugh and say something like ‘in your dreams.’ That seemed to make Cliff Varnador mad and he got louder as he waddled down the hall way behind my Aunt Mitt. I could see him grabbing at her fanny and her swatting his hand away.
    Stop it Cliff. I done told you. No! Not tonight. You’re drunk, and you stink.”
    They went into their room. I began to drift on back to sleep. That’s when I heard her shout “Stop it!!” This time there was something in the way she screamed that woke me right up. This was not her teasing him. She really meant it.
    Next thing, he exploded out the bedroom door and fell on to the couch, on top of me. He only had on his jockey undershorts. His body was hairy and sweaty and warm. I pushed him off me and off the sofa. He fell of the floor and rolled toward the front door. Somehow he opened it and half stumbled and half walked down the stairs out in to the yard.
    Before I knew it my Aunt Mit had come out of her room. She only had on her panties and was holding something in her hand. She bolted toward the door and locked it. The T.V. was still on and it gave off some light. I could see that what she had in her hand was a pistol. She shot at the door. It was so loud the neighbors could hear it.
    “KEEP AWAY FROM ME,” she blared and kept pointing the gun at the door.
    Well, I tell you I was one scared fella. I knew that this was not your average argument. I sneaked off the couch and spoke as gently as I could to her. “Are you alright?” I asked. She looked surprised when she saw me. It was as though she hadn’t remembered I was there.
    She swung around and pointed the gun at me. As she turned she seemed to come to her senses. “Boy, I didn’t mean for you to see none of this. Can ya’ fa’give me?”
    She walked toward me, as though to kiss me. Stopping before she got to me, she spun around and retreated into her room.
    I was breathing a thousand miles a minute. I heard her cry, a sort of wail sound and fall onto her bed. I went to the door of her room and peeked in. She was laying on her belly, catty wampus on the bed, still holding the gun. Not a hair was movin’. Quietly I shut the door and went back to the sofa, not knowing what to do next.
    I stayed there for hours. I must have fallen back to sleep ‘cause the next thing I knew, it was mornin’. I heard bangin’ on the front door. I got up and looked out the side winder. Cliff Varnador was standing there with pine straw and grass stuck to his belly, where he had laid down to sleep outside.
    “Open the door honey. I’m sorry. Let me in. I’ll never do that again,” he pleaded.
    He was swaying. Before I could decide what to do, I turned, and there stood my Aunt Mit. She was bare footed, in her purple and blue house dress. Her hair was stickin’ up and her makeup had run down her face.
    “Open it boy,” she said.
    I did.
    Cliff Varnador came in.
    Next was the damnest thing you can imagine. They looked at each other. My Aunt Mit opened her arms and her unbuttoned house dress. Cliff Varnador lumbered over to her and they stood there kissin’ and huggin’ right in front of me. When they realized I was watchin’ they quickly went into their bedroom and shut the door.
    I heard ‘em havin’ sex, with her moanin’ loudly over and over. Pretty soon he gave out an explosive sound that I knew meant he was finished. Then the double wide got real quiet, except for the TODAY show on T. V. The birds outside in the trees were happily chirping.
    I didn’t know what to do. Leave or stay?
    Shortly, my Aunt Mit hollered, “Son, I’ll fix your breakfast directly. Go wash your face and brush your teeth. We’re done. I’ll be right out.”
    So ended my first visit in the double wide of my Aunt Mit and Cliff Varnador.

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