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Two Turtles and the Wisdom of Brad Pitt

Brian Daly

Dude, I seen two turtles today
while I was out walking the neighborhood.
First was a humongous, zoo-caliber turtle
parked in a patch of freshly-mown grass
next to a brook
at the corner of Stallworth and Rochelle.

No lie, the shell of this turtle
was the size of the manhole cover
I stood on when I saw it.
So big and mean-looking was this turtle
that it seemed a prehistoric beast
let loose in the Crieve Hall burbs,
its neck and legs wrinkling
with chain-mail armor. Wow.
But natch, no smartphone on me
to snap it.

        *        *        *

Across the street a rough kid
from Lee Company was perched
in a backhoe, staring
into a long trench. I pondered
whether to make the kid hip
to this turtle but had a gut feeling
he’d crush me with indifference.

The turtle and I stood there
locked in a staredown WWE-style,
glaring at each other
from ten feet away,
neither of us blinking.
There was nothing much to do
with this turtle, who was not very,
shall we say, playful
in its utter motionlessness.
I debated poking a stick
at him or her to provoke a reaction
but decided agin it.
So I bid farewell to the turtle
and continued my stroll.

        *        *        *

Around the next bend, here comes
the brook again, passing under the street.
There’s a nice place to park your butt
on a low concrete wall off to the side
and dangle your legs over
and watch the brook tinkling below.

I looked down at the flowing water
and what do you think I seen on the bank?
You guessed it! Another turtle,
but standard size this time, its shell
about the span of a Tupperware lid.
“Must be turtle season,” thinks I.

A pretty lady in plaid shorts
came striding by, an orange whistle
swinging from her neck.
I considered yelling out to her
to come share in the fun.
But the last time I yelled out
to a female stranger on the street—
from this very spot, in fact,
with a large copperhead involved—
bad bad things happened.

So I swivel off the concrete wall
and hit the road again.
Here comes a second lady, jogging
behind a baby stroller and heading
the other way, toward the big turtle.
“Now’s your chance to give her the thrill
of a lifetime!” I tell myself.
But she fails to make eye contact.
Earbuds, maybe?

        *        *        *

Anyways, when I get back home
my son is back from work,
fixing himself some lunch
while watching a flick on his iPad.

“You won’t believe what I seen
when I was out walking just now!”
“Do tell,” he says without hitting Pause.
So I tell him about the two turtles.

        *        *        *

I think of that life-changing advice
offered by, of all people, Brad Pitt.
“Brian,” he said, his square jaw
making him look tense, though
you could tell by his beautiful eyes
he was completely relaxed.
“It’s great to plan your day. But
it’s also great to be open to surprises.”

So I seen two turtles today. Did you?

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