---

 

This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book “Prayers and Bullets” Down in the Dirt, v181 (the March 2021 Issue) Order the paperback book:

Order this writing that appears in the one-of-a-kind anthology Excerpts from the Plague Years the Down in the Dirt Jan.-April 2021 issues collection book		get the 420 page Jan.-April 2021 Down in the Dirt 6" x 9" ISBN# perfect-bound paperback book:

Order this writing in the book Regarding Utopia the 2021 poetry, flash fiction, prose, & art collection anthology		get the 396 page poetry, flash fiction, prose, & artwork & photography collection anthology as a 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback book:

Dear Past Self

Adam Cowan

Dear Past Self,

I wish you love,
peace,
and acceptance,
of that which you’ve known, but felt you needed permission for.

May you know your body better than I did–
How you look into the world,
yet just beyond it,
Eyes full of stories you knew deep down were truth,
Heavy with too many years premature knowledge–
Pain devouring,
fantasy deflecting.

Your hair,
the only part you dare own,
Making yourself known with a silent yet screaming statement,
Reveling inside, unknown to others, when the world mistakenly started calling you ‘boy.’
I only wish,
more intentionally,
you would have claimed ‘man.’

Man who toils,
creates,
paints,
works,
pushes away– like father–
but afraid to be, knowing your immense sensitivity.

Perhaps it’s not bad they think you a woman,
so you can be sensitive without being bothered– like brother–

But couldn’t find the spine to declare that truth, that young, already burdened by so much no one man could handle it.

And so they reside.
And so they comfort.

Leaning on your elbow late at night to listen and ponder the messages in your mind,
but somehow beyond.

They speak more truth in silence than one thousand words from your kin in the light of day.

And so you walk–your legs strong,
Ever running,
Ever nearing,
Ever searching–
That truth that resides within your own body.

If only then you had known, how different would things be?

But then again, how vastly robbed would be your understanding of the mind?

Copyright of written pieces remain with the author, who has allowed it to be shown through Scars Publications and Design.Web site © Scars Publications and Design. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission from the author.

Problems with this page? Then deal with it...