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Family Becomes Overrated When it Comes to Celebrations Involving Turkeys

Matthew Guzman

    Preparation the night before includes the creation of stuffings, mounds of bread and spice to be jammed into the business end of some unlucky fowl at o’five-hundred the following morning. Demonic eggs whipped with pickled cucumber and mayo then sprinkled with the most famous spice to emerge from Hungary in the last millennium.

    Tomorrow will be like every other year, Grandma will come with her wild-grey teased hair and bad teeth, smiling while she slyly asks for another “loan” from my mother, knowing good and well that she will never pay her back. Mom will slip her a hundred when no one is looking. Grandpa will be there sweat-stained armpits and all, always ready for any occasion involving food, dowsing everything with Tabasco sauce and ketchup, haphazardly disregarding his obesity and diabetes, munching down his remaining dignity, smacking his jaws, little bits of mash and green bean casserole flying from his emasculation while he asks for third-helpings or eagerly inquires about dessert. Then sometime during the meal Grandpa will inevitably start crying because he will feel that he is being ignored. I will eat and try not to say much, thinking about the luckiest one at the table, and how that morning I had stuffed three pounds of bread and spice up its ass.



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