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after 7/11

Janet Kuypers

    on seven eleven,
    I almost died in a car accident, unconscious for eleven days, had severe skull fractures.
    After losing my car, my home and my health, all I could do was try to recover.

    They even called me Elvira Doe in the hospital because they couldn’t find any identification, which was buried under the seat of my totaled car.

    But while in the hospital I kept imagining Dave coming to visit me, he came in through another hospital entrance
    so no one saw him
    and no one knew he was alive, and he was
    there for me.
    And I wasn’t alone.

    I felt so alone in the hospital all those weeks, maybe it was my brain’s way of trying to fill in all the unexplained gaps in my life.

    While recovering I even imagined my friend Brian, who now lives in San Francisco,
    Dressing up in old woman’s clothing and staying in the room like a patient with me so I wouldn’t be alone.

    And no, he was never in the hospital,
    and yes, I shared my hospital room with an old woman who was a patient I had never met before,
    and no, I never even talked to this lady,

    While recovering I even hallucinated that I was in my apartment and not in a hospital bed
    Because I REFUSED to believe that ANYTHING was wrong with me

    I was in pain all the time, painkillers didn’t help, my back was sore, my head ALWAYS hurt, my sinuses were terrible. I wanted the Hell out of the hospital but I couldn’t take the first steps to do it. I could barely even stand. They strapped me in my bed at night,
    and once I contorted my way out of the harness, wrapped it up and set it on the nightstand; the nurses thought it was strange that the straps were next to my bed,
    and when my mother saw how the harness was wrapped, she KNEW that I had to have done it.

    I had to fight every step of the way in that hospital. Three different doctors viewing my records even knick named me “miracle girl”, but learning to walk was no miracle to me,
    I just had to work harder to prove everyone wrong and try to get my life back.

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