Interview With Nation Magazine
They originate from Chicago, but Janet Kuypers’ poetry and prose can be found in little magazines across the United States. The work is personal, with a definite message, and you can always spot a Kuypers piece without difficulty. Her “i”s are lowercase and the words flow in a stream of consciousness. The work cries out to be heard like a lost soul at confession. Janet Kuypers isn’t a lost soul. She’s an active soul, productive because her heart is anything but lost. She knows herself, can articulate herself. The words, flow, the actions are swift due to this unerring direction.
Where did Janet Kuypers come from and where will we see her next month or next year? At twenty-six, she’s tackled all forms of media with success. Yet, she remains incredibly personal, accessible., More accessible, even than the individual without such accomplishments. It’s a people mission, a quest to interact with the world.
More engaging than her autobiographical poetry or prose, watching Janet’s life unfold is a captivating experience. Not many people out in the world are like Janet.
Nation: Exactly how prolific are you?
JK: Well, I’ve finished my fourth book. I’m 26, and have seriously written since I was 18. I’ve written about 50 pieces of poetry since the beginning of the year, but that doesn’t mean I’ll use all of them - maybe I’ll use 15 or so. I don’t write every day, but when I do write I write a lot. I write prose and short stories as well as poetry, and sometimes I write journal entries that make their way into stories of mine. I try to write, just to keep myself sane.
Nation: Your name seems to find itself in circles of all variety.
JK: I don’t believe in having to be published in the “right places,” although it’s nice when it happens. I like being published anywhere, knowing that someone thinks what I have to say is worth listening to - and as long as I have a soap box, I love that fact that people listen. Whether they’re the university or the underground crowd.
Nation: Can you give us some of your writing background, as well as why and how you got into the publication circuit?
JK: I started writing in junior high school - poetry, that is. Then I started writing a journal after high school because of a high school english teacher. The assignment she gave us one particular day was to write a letter to yourself at age 64 (yeah, from the Beatles tune, she was a visionary, I know). So instead of writing what everyone else did, that yes, I had a perfect life, I loved my job, I had two-point-three kids, the white picket fence, the whole nine yards, I wrote what i thought would happen. that I’d go into a career I didn’t like. that I’d marry a man I didn’t love. that I’d forget my love of writing and photography. And my teacher saw my letter, and she told me not to let that happen. And so I started writing a journal. And since then... When I started work it was at a company that kept me occupied 10 out of 40 hours a week... And so when I started submitting poetry to magazines and kept getting rejected, I thought, “If I was an editor of a magazine, they wouldn’t reject me.” Because I knew my work was good and that it deserved attention. So I started Children, Churches and Daddies. Now it’s like a baby to me. I get published on my own, but Children, Churches and Daddies is my baby, and I don’t want to let that die. So I guess that’s how I got into publishing. It’s a matter of knowing I have something important to say, and finding any way I can to say it. And apparently, people are listening.
Nation: Isn’t pegging yourself as someone who is going to marry an individual they don’t love and neglect their inspirations a harsh prediction?
JK: Yes, but I saw a divorce rate of 50%, and unhappy marriages that stuck together anyway. I saw that men weren’t knocking down my door (I was pretty, but not stunning, and my beauty was in my brains, which isn’t particularly feminine) to go out with me and that in order to avoid the “old maid” syndrome I’d have to fond someone, anyone that would tolerate me, whether or not I loved them or they loved me.. Yes, that’s what I thought. It was a harsh prediction. But also, often, an accurate one.
Nation: Did you know something at an early age, or was this just pessimism?
JK: It was pessimism, because I (at that point) had found no one worthy of love. No one with a real set of values. No one that actually loved their work. No one with passion - for anything. I wanted to live, but I was raised (subconsciously) to repress anything interesting, to be like everyone else, to not make waves.
Nation: How have things gone so far?
JK: A few years after I wrote that letter I met someone who taught me how to live. They worked their ass off, simply because it was what they loved - and needed - to do. They didn’t care about what was the current fashion. They did things that startled and amazed me, and they always kept me on the edge of my seat. I learned that there are people out there worth of respect, and love. And it made me have the same outlook in my life. I found the kind of work I love to do - graphic design. It made me excel at school and at work and do anything I wanted to in my spare time (I’ll rest when I’m dead). I got my first job in graphic design, but it didn’t satisfy me enough, so I started Scars Publications and Design. I started the literary magazine Children, Churches and Daddies. I started getting my own poetry published. Then I published my first book, Hope Chest in the Attic. And when I started living like this, I seemed a bit strange to people, but some people saw the life in me and liked it. Now the men, in some respects, are knocking down my door. I don’t think about that anymore, because it will fall into place when I want it to. Since then I’ve published three more books of my own: The Window, Close Cover Before Striking and (woman.). I’ve also published three collection books (that include my writing): Sulphur and Sawdust, Slate and Marrow and Blister and Burn. And looking back, with every new project I do, with every book I complete, I get this great rush when I finally see the book. I still love the work I do, I still love the feeling of accomplishment I get. This is what I’ve learned that I thought I could never do before. Whatever anyone thinks they’re capable of, you’re probably capable of ten times more and are just underestimating yourself. This society is sometimes stifling, and you’ve probably been raised to do what’s expected of you, and not what would genuinely make you happy. (not you personally, mind you; people in general.) When you break from that, when you do something solely for you to accomplish a goal for yourself that you want, you feel so alive. That’s what living is.
Nation: Are you holding to your premonition, or breaking the mold?
JK: I’m breaking the mold. At this point I’d definitely rather be alone than hate my life. I’ve learned how to love solitude. I should have done that all along, but never knew how. Now I can be alone, because I choose to be alone, not because no one likes me. I can always work, and that makes me happy. Besides, how can I spend my life with someone I don’t respect? I’m beginning to wonder if I will be alone for the rest of my life. Yes, I know I have time, I’m not worried that my biological clock is ticking or anything, but it’s really hard to find someone who is willing to live, someone I can respect and wholly love. I’ve dated a lot, men are interested in me, I’ve even received a few marriage proposals. I’m sure I’ll figure out what I want eventually in that respect. I’m not worried about it, though.
Nation: How is Janet Kuypers at 26?
JK: Much less dysfunctional. Much more intelligent. Less depressed. Less meek. Stronger. More obnoxious. I belch out loud sometimes now. Just because I’m a woman and I’m not supposed to. I’m not a little girl doing what she’s told if it’s not right.
When is the last time people looked at the world from a different angle? When is the last time any of them have lived? I see people now, fighting with their problems, and I think, “That was me, but I learned how to deal with it.” I try now to take every bad thing that happens in my life and learn from it, make myself better from it.
It’s questioning what society says is okay. Granted, we all live in this society, and we all choose to live within the guidelines, we all choose to follow and uphold cultural ideas, but some of the details - like why it’s more acceptable for men to burp than women - could stand to be questioned. I worked in acquaintance rape education four or five years ago - ran workshops, created pamphlets, brochures, flyers, newspaper ad campaigns - and while doing this work I thought a lot about sexism, and that is reflected in a lot of my writing. I try to think about why there are different sets of standards for men versus women, where they come from, why we choose to live by them. My fourth book, in fact, is called “(woman.)”, and is a collection of old and new poetry, short stories, essays and art about sexism.
Nation: Where do you draw the line when it comes to social rebellion, and how do people generally see you as a consequence?
JK: Social rebellion? I see something that I know is right and I incorporate it into my beliefs. For me the easiest way then to get it out into the light is to act on my beliefs, be proud of my beliefs, and be fully prepared to explain them. If I can discuss where I’m coming from when it comes up, if I can make logical arguments for doing what I do, no one can argue with me. Even if they still choose to disagree with me, they at least understand where I’m coming from, can see why I’d think and act the way I do, and can respect me for having a cohesive set of values.
Nation: How long do you think, realistically, it will take to create true equality between the sexes?
JK: I don’t know. I don’t even know if I care, really, or if that’s a completely good thing. I mean, some people think that if we were equal we’d lose our differences. I know the concept of “feminism” is what allows women to be meek, docile, and easier to be oppressed, but it also at times allows women to feel attractive, or unique.
What is true equality? In rape education classes, we were often taught that the way you dressed or your mannerisms could put you into a risky situation, and that certain things could in theory be avoided... Like dressing like a “slut,” for instance. But telling women to not dress the way they want to, even if it is to highlight their sexual and biological differences from men, is not the right way to go - you eliminate the rights of the women to be able to wear what they want to wear in order for them to avoid the possibility of being raped. (I’m not even covering the point that rapes occur to women of all age groups, dressed in all different ways, and avoiding dressing like the proverbial “slut” does not protect any woman from rape.)
Is true equality having women act like men? The nurturing nature of femininity is something we definitely need. Is it accepting everyone as people and not making judgments on how they look? I’ll be the first person to admit that looks are the first criteria you can - and do - judge a person on (I mean, you look at a person before they can speak to you, their looks are going to make an impression on you). Is it accepting everyone as people and not making judgments on what kind of work they do? People will have opinions about one job versus another, whether it’s being a janitor or a CEO or a mother, because people make those choices for themselves in their own careers.
For now, is it at least the idea that women should be able to get paid comparative salaries for the work they do, or that they should feel like they can walk down the street confidently without a group of construction workers giving her shit for it. Or that they should be looked at as people and not sexual organs, or servants, or stupid.
I mean, it’s fascinating to me that women can be treated like crap because they think that they’re worth more than that. Men don’t have to degrade a woman that already feels degraded. Every action a woman does, or thinks of doing, is clouded by how she will be perceived as a woman. How she walks. How she sits. I’m not saying men don’t sometimes feel pressure to be “manly,” but I think there’s a difference. Men have the power. Women always feel like they have to watch how they behave.
Nation: Will there ever truly be equality, or will a fundamental gap keep thinks unbalanced?
JK: Fundamental? Like genetic? I don’t know, I don’t think so. you’d be amazed at how pervasive societal influences are, and I don’t just mean beer ads versus make-up ads. I mean that baby girls get a pink room, boys a blue one. Girls get dresses, bows in their hair, pretty shiny black shoes. boys get pants, shorts, t-shirts, sneakers. Girls are given barbie dolls to play house with (we won’t even go into the fact that she’s this distorted super-perfect image of women, entirely unachievable), boys are given GI Joe dolls to ride in tanks and blow up stuff with. Girls are given baby dolls, so they can act like a mom. Boys are given model cars, so they can race around. Girls are encouraged to play with their best friend indoors. Boys are encouraged to build forts with a group of boys outside. I could go on. It happens at home, by the parent. It happens at school, by the teacher, and even by the other students. Kids learn this early, and when they get to school, can use it as a way to judge whether other kids are socially acceptable or not. I think it’s really in every aspect of our lives. It would be hard for me to be able to strip all of that and then judge whether or not there were genetic differences too. Besides, it doesn’t really matter, at least not now. Most people don’t even think about the fact that these influences exist, much less whether they should change.
Nation: Are men and women, when you drive past cultural upbringings, really as different as people like “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” author John Grey suggests?
JK: I haven’t read his book, but I much prefer the title, “women are from mars, men are from uranus.” Sorry about that; I had to say it. What I’m concerned with, more than anything, is not whether the sexes are different, or whether that should entirely change. I’m more concerned with telling women that they’re allowed to think and act how they feel is right, because I think women are taught to do things because “that’s the way they are,” or “you don’t want to make waves.” I think many women could be making more in corporate America, if they stood up for themselves, but all their lives they’ve been told not to. I think less women could be victims of acquaintance rape, if they stood up for themselves and fought back, instead of initially being concerned that they might hurt their date’s feelings. My point is that they should be thinking about their feelings.
And I don’t try to tell anyone that what they do is wrong, I just try to lead by example. I try to show people that an intelligent woman can be obnoxious as well as feminine, or that she can be nice but firm. That that’s a women worthy of respect.
Nation: What started your interest in acquaintance rape, and the need to liberate the female from society’s watchful eye?
JK: I think because I felt stifled, and by liberating the female I could liberate myself. I also saw the statistics about rape: That one in four women during college are raped, one in three women in their life times. And 80 percent of those rapes are committed by someone the women knew... A friend, a coworker, a boyfriend, etc. Those are startling numbers. And friends of mine had these stories. And frat houses made it easy for men at parties to do this to women. And there were campaigns all over campus for better education. I wanted to help women feel like they could stand up for themselves, that they didn’t have to take this. And for the victims, I wanted to do something to let them know how to deal with it, to let them know they weren’t alone, that it wasn’t their fault. That things will get better. It amazes me that women can even think that a rape is their fault, yet victim blaming is one of the main reasons acquaintance rape is such a vastly underreported crime. Women shouldn’t feel ashamed. They should feel alive. And no one should do something like this to them.
Nation: Changing directions a bit, could you launch into detail on the origins of your musical history?
JK: I have no formal musical training, other than a little choir in school... I remember when I was four, my older sister would dress me up in sequined costume clothes, put on of my mother’s blonde wigs on my head, glue back cardboard eyelashes to my face... And I’d use a sheet music stand as a microphone and sing songs. My family even tells me that while I was still in my crib I woke up the family once in the middle of the night by singing at the top of my lungs, “You’re So Vain.” But apparently (still being a toddler and all) it sounded like “you pro-blee think this song is abough-tyew, doan-chew, doan-chew, doan-chew...”
The point of all that was that I’ve always loved to sing, all my life. I sang in a choir or two, then did some a cappella stuff in late high school. I did a singing telegram or two in college. Once out of school I convinced two friends of mine, both acoustic guitar players, to play stuff for me to sing. Then we did a few radio shows and played live in clubs in Chicago. People said my voice was great, but I needed more of a full band in order to get anywhere. I like working acoustically because it lets me play more with my voice; I’m not fighting the instruments, they’re more accompanying my voice than competing with it. We did a compact disc, just for our own records more than anything. We haven’t played since August 1996, but occasionally talk about doing a song or two.
I’m also interested in combining music with spoken word, and putting some of my poetry to music, or at least background noises. Something Laurie Anderson-ish, leaning toward her spoken word storytelling style.
Nation: A few years back I remember seeing an advertisement in Children, Churches and Daddies for your musical ensemble. What happened with the group, then and now?
JK: That group was the acoustic band I was just talking about - Mom’s Favorite Vase. We were all friends, and it was fun... I was the only one setting up shows and radio spots, though, and I got tired of doing it all (yes, I’m a control freak, but...). Brian and Warren are both wonderful people. Warren’s the depressed artist trapped in a suburban man’s body. Brian is the type the brings his guitar to parties and strums “Staying Alive.” And me? I’m a mix between Natalie Merchant and George Michael Ð alternative yet soulful. Well, I’m not as good as them, but you get the idea. Either way, I love to sing. that’s all it comes down to. Music is so expressive Ð I love listening to lyrics and I love to belt out tunes.
Nation: Can you recall a memorable moment in the group’s history?
JK: I remember when we’d first go to open mics and what a good reaction we’d get. One bar manager telling me I was better than Janice Joplin. I was thrilled when someone would call in to a radio station we were playing at live asking who we were, that we sounded great. I loved getting a positive reaction from people. We had fun goofing around, and I have a lot of good memories. At our last show someone requested Brian play “I Will Survive” so he started playing it, but told me on stage I’d have to sing it, so I belted it out without practicing, and it was hysterical. Everyone loved it.
Nation: Having hit nearly all forms of print media and, in appears, delving into music-land, is there any other popular media that you might try?
JK: I’d love to play with film. I’ve been on television with short films reading my work. I have a short story that I think could become a five-minute film. I love to act.
The thing is, I love getting out in people’s faces and affecting them somehow. By good acting. By reading good poetry. By writing a chilling story. By analyzing philosophy and religion in an essay. By taking good pictures. By charming them with my voice. By designing something that catches someone’s eye. Whatever medium I have to use - whatever medium I can use - to get my messages out to the world, I’ll use them all, as long as I can use them well. And I hope I do.
Nation: You say that one of your short films has been aired on TV?
JK: Yes. It was a short I did of one of my poems, “Too Far.” The sentence structure is very short, and it’s all about a woman who keeps doing different things to make herself look better. She first diets, using rice cakes to wheat germ to diet pills and shakes, she exercises, but she only loses twenty pounds. So she gets a perm, She straightens her teeth. So then she goes to the spa, gets her skin peeled, soaks herself in mud, wraps herself in cellophane, tried the amino acid facial creams, all the while knowing they really didn’t work. So she goes to the doctor, gets her nose slimmed, her tummy stapled... She thinks about getting a rib or two removed, to look thinner, but she figures those ribs have to be there for something. And hey, that’s just going too far. So I did this short film where the scenery was exactly the same but at every phrase I changed my clothes and my position, so it looked like some sort of confessional taping of these women going through this. That and a couple readings of other poems of mine made it to a cable show in Tennessee.
Nation: How did that come about, and was this local access, a cable network, or something else?
JK: Joe Speer ran the show, and he’s an editor and writer himself, so he knew my magazine and my work. One day he asked me if I had any video footage of my reading any of my work. I didn’t, but I made some for him.
Nation: Where do you find the time to engage in all this expression?
JK: When you love what you do you make the time. I work on my computer every day, after work, as well as on the weekends. I may only work for fifteen minutes, but I work at it. I’ve only dabbled in film or television, but would like to do more, if only I had the time. I read poetry at bars, and that’s a social outlet for me. Or go to readings and write poetry while I’m there. Open mics for music was a social event for me, too. I have to find a way to make it all fit. I don’t watch movies or television as much as the average American, I think, so maybe that’s where all my time comes from.
Nation: How do you fit a career, social life, recreation and all the various mediums into your life?
JK: I don’t know. I’m a fast worker, I guess. I try to fit my creative outlets into my social life when I can. I just keep thinking, I want to live my life so that there are never any regrets. If I knew I was capable of doing all of the things that I have done over the past five years, but didn’t do them, I’d hate myself. I couldn’t be like that. I want to do things. I want to accomplish things. I can’t let time waste. I don’t know how. When I rest I know it’s because I need to, not because I’m lazy, or bored. I fidget too much. I always have to be doing something.
Nation: What aspects are you forced to leave uncultivated?
JK: I guess I could be more social, but I try to go out at least three or four nights a week. But when you get older, your group of friends dwindles - people get married, people move away, people go their separate ways. So I guess I could make a better effort in cultivating new friends... And I know that as a girlfriend I can be a real pain in the ass, too. Oh, and I could stand to have a cleaner apartment. I mean, what’s the point in fixing your bed if no one is going to see it fixed and you’re just going to mess it up that evening anyway? Not that I’m a complete slob or anything, but I could pick up my clothes more often.
Nation: Active in a plethora of mediums, how do you manage to get them all out to the public?
JK: Children, Churches and Daddies got my name out there, so that I could be published in other magazines. The web sites have helped out a lot, too. Getting electronic was a great help for my writing career, and I love computers - I use them for all my graphic design, and I originally went to college for Computer Science Engineering. Now, with a web site, I can have downloaded sound clips of my music or my poetry readings for anyone to access. Or all my poetry. And I can easily submit many pieces of writing to many magazines. And many people have responded to my work, because responding electronically is so easy. For example, I don’t know if Speer would have bothered to contact me about his cable show unless he could send a quick note electronically. And the new band I’m working with, the guitarist was a friend of mine from college that I hadn’t talked to in years, and when he happened upon my web site, he dropped me a line. I would have never made contact with him and started working on this new project unless we were both on the net.
Nation: You create a poem, and it finds its way into an anthology. You sing, and there is a CD. You concoct a film, and it winds up on TV. Did this come about through extensive training, or did you always have the knack?
JK: If I wanted to do something, I learned how. I contacted book publishing groups. I found someone who would master a Compact Disc cheaply. I’m thinking of purchasing my own writable CD-ROM drive for my computer, so I can do all the work myself. The films are just me and a video camera; the quality is low but I can play more with lighting conditions. I guess I have the knack for doing something when I want to do it. I get the biggest rush over accomplishing something like getting published, or making a film of my poetry, or writing a song. So I have to try.
Nation: What is your formal training?
JK: Let’s see... In music, other than the occasional choir group, nothing. In film, definitely nothing. In writing... Well, I excelled in writing through high school, and in college was a journalism major with emphasis in creative writing and poetry - at which I did very well. Photography? It was my minor in college, but even before that, it just came naturally to me. Making people feel comfortable in front of me. Finding good composition. I also focused on graphic design in college, and that’s what I’ve been doing for the past five years. I’m the Art Director for a publishing company by day, and I supervise the design of three magazines, and soon possibly a fourth.
Nation: Do you plan to stay involved with magazines, or are there plans to branch out into newspaper layout, or book design?
JK: I used to do newspaper work. There is something fascinating about newspapers, that something can come together so quickly and get into so many hands, but I also don’t like it being discarded so easily. When I worked for newspapers, I liked working in the weekly sections, or special sections, because those were something the reader would spend a little more time on. My time for newspaper work has passed.
Books? I design books now, with Scars Publications. I’ve managed over three collection books so far, each between 160 and 200 pages. I’ve done a book contest winner, and 88-page book by Sydney Anderson. I’m finishing a book for Rochelle Holt and Virginia Love Long. I like doing books on consignment, as well as my own books. My new book, “(woman.)”, is all designed. The stories use different fonts and type sizes for different words in paragraphs. I play with it more. The books I do I try to make graphically interesting, not merely scrolling text, like most paper-back books. And I’ve heard only good things about their layout. I don’t go overboard, though - you want the thing to be easy to read, and more timeless than a magazine.
I like doing books a lot. There’s a much greater sense of accomplishment when I finish a book and see it in print than the feeling I get after completing an issue. To me, the issues of a magazine have to get done, they’re on a schedule. For books, each books is an end in itself, not an issue in a series, so it’s a complete accomplishment in and of itself.
Nation: Where is your career, and all the art, headed?
JK: I’d like to start up a mainstream magazine, for twenty-somethings, for people upwardly mobile, that are concerned with politics and things that more directly affect their life, as well as the arts. Something like a lifestyle magazine, with poetry and prose. Not snotty. Very readable. I’d like to have my own company and make this work. I’d like to keep writing while I do that, though.
The art? I don’t know. I don’t even know where I want the writing to go. And a part of me would like to get an in in the music industry and become a rock star. I know, I know, I’m so practical sometimes... I don’t know where it’s going to take me. I don’t know how long I plan to stay at my current job, or long I even plan on staying in Chicago. As a woman, I also think of how to incorporate these things with my personal life - when will I get married? Do I want a child, and how do I want to raise it? I think that’s why I’d like to run my own magazine; I could do a lot of the work electronically and be able to spend time with my child. If I ever have one, that is. A part of me has this plan, the idea that I’d like to build my own home in the middle of nowhere and be able to manage my business electronically. Have my own space, not touched by a landscape of buildings. I love what man has accomplished in our world, but I’d also love a place where there were trees. And a small lake. And right in the middle I’d stick my home, with lots of cables for direct links to my web site and my office in the city. I’d plant some vegetables.Have control over some of the food I eat. Enjoy my surroundings. I don’t mean I want to live like a hermit, or become entirely self-sufficient - I love technology, and I love people - I think I’d just like to have the option of both.
Nation: Will they always be two separate entities, or do you have some grand unification in mind; will you be graphic designer by day, author by night, or will the two aspects eventually meet at one, all-encompassing purpose?
JK: I think if I was the publisher of my own magazine/book publishing company I’d be overseeing the editing and the design, and my own writing would be printed. I don’t know where it’s going to take me. All I know is that writing is something I have to do. I think I currently mix them in different ways; maybe I’ll find a greater unification of them. All of these media overlap for me. I sing, but I’m also doing spoken word readings with background sound effects, incorporating my writing with music and sound. The same goes for film, I’ve just added the visuals to it as well. A part of me would like to make a CD-ROM that combines all of these things, short film, sound, text and graphics. I think in some ways they all do combine right now. Maybe I’ll find ways to combine them in the future. Currently my career is in graphic design. Maybe I’ll continue combining them, then move just to writing as I get older. I don’t know. I try not to set too much in stone like that, in case I want to change my mind. All I know is that if I want to do it, I will. I’m confident that if I want to combine them in other ways, I’ll do it, I’ll accomplish it, somehow.
Nation: Let’s go back to your ideal cottage. You are 26 (or 27?), and that’s just a hop, skip and a jump away from 30. Do you ever worry that these dreams will go unrealized?
JK: The only reason they’d go unrealized is if I didn’t do them. Since currently I don’t know where I will be working for the next five years, or who and when I’ll marry, the dream-house is a part of a constantly-changing goal of mine. The house idea, I might have specific details about it, like it needs a hot tub, and a darkroom, and an office, but beyond that, if other parts of it don’t fit into the plans I have for my career and my personal life, then it’s no problem for those things to change. My dream house isn’t my dream house if it doesn’t fit into my life.
Nation: Earlier you mentioned that things would come into place when they were meant to occur, but what if you never DO find that ideal mate?
JK: I don’t worry about things like that. I know that even if people aren’t perfect I can find someone I could spend the rest of my life with. And if I don’t, I have me. I love solitude sometimes, because I’m allowed to think, and create, and do what I need to do for myself. You can’t go through your life wondering, “What if?”, because you’ll spend your time in fear, worrying, and not doing, and accomplishing, and making everything work out.
Nation: Is there another picture of your life, one without the cottage and the family?
JK: You know, it’s not a definite image I have that I need the house by 35, and the husband by 28, and the kids by 36, and the business by 33. It’s just looking for long-term goals and working through them. I could picture myself having one child, but who knows - maybe I won’t have any, maybe I’ll have two or three. Right now I’m working out the here-and-now. When the time comes, I’ll look for what I want next.
Nation: Does this image scare you, or is there no immediacy to it all?
JK: There’s no immediacy at all. Nothing scares me about my future, to be honest. I know that I can handle every decision I’ll have to make. And I know I will have made the best decisions I could have made with the information I had and the opportunities I had available to me.
Nation: Also, do you have anything particular in mind? A particular area of the country, or the world, that interests you?
JK: I don’t know. I’d probably stay in the States, because I like freedom (granted, the United States keeps slipping more and more into socialism, but considering the other choices, I think I’d still choose the States), but where? Somewhere where I could still get a lot of land in the middle of nowhere for relatively cheap. Somewhere moderate. Somewhere a few hours away from a cool city. I don’t know. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Nation: How realistic or unrealistic are your dreams?
Look what I’ve done so far. I never make a goal that I don’t think - and know - I can and will accomplish.
Nation: Have you always been well adjusted? At the start of the interview you mentioned your old pattern of conformity. What was your childhood like, and what were the defining challenges you faced as an adolescent girl and a young woman?
JK: My childhood? I was a smart kid, and all the other kids picked on me, like you wouldn’t believe. I had friends, but boy, did I have enemies. What are we teaching our kids when they learn at such an early age to hate things that are good - because they’re good? How do they learn envy without even being able at that age to consciously define it? But I was taught to not fight back, not to argue with the kids, but to just keep being a good, smart little girl. What should a parent say, give the bully a good right hook? I was that way all through school, even through high school, and I had more and more friends, but no one was a great friend, and no one seemed real or genuine. I’m sure I didn’t, either. I took going off to college as having a clean slate - I even dyed my hair, changed how I look, as well as changed how I acted. I faced a whole new set of definitions people placed on me, being a flirt instead of being a brain being the main one. That’s when I started dealing with the sexism issue. I was growing up, and it was affecting me more directly. There were a few “defining challenges,” I suppose, but they’re far to ugly to get into. The point is, I had to learn how to survive from them - and thrive from them. I try to take every bad thing that happens to me and at least learn something from the experience, so that I’m a better person for it.
Nation: Did you have a good childhood?
JK: No. But I’m making my adult life as perfect as I can.
Interview by Peter Kowalke
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