2/5/99
i don’t know what to think any more. john i think began to re-evaluate what he thinks love is. because i was analytical and asked him.
maybe i ask for my own trouble. by asking too many questions.
chad called me back and asked if i wanted him to visit this weekend, and i told him that i would like him to visit, but i am kind of dating someone, and i think that bothered him. sorry chad, i am not going to have sex with you if you come to visit, because i know that is what you were thinking of. maybe i think men are just on one track. in fact, chad thought that wouldn’t be an option and that he wasn’t coming to visit me for that reason. so... who knows what i should make out of this.
i’m tired of analyzing everything. i know i’m not always right.
4:21 p.m., later in the day
i have been doing mindless work, and i don’t feel like doing it any more. i talked to john briefly today, but mike showed up and i couldn’t talk on the phone. he wanted live music, i wanted my apartment unpacked. so i said, hmmm, friday night, no tickets, live music, chicago. that sounds easy... since i knew he like blues i asked him if he wanted to go to rosa’s, which is like a mile from my house. he liked that plan. he had been there before, but he didn’t realize that it wasn’t far from me.
when i’m bored, this is how i occupy my time.
so i’m going to try to relax, no wait, scratch that, i’m going to try to unpack more before john shows up tonight. so? wish me luck.
