journal, 08/10/99
it’s lunch for normal people and willis is here so i can’t turn my computer on and chantene is nored at the front desk. it’s me and chantene and willis today. no joanne. or whatever her name is. i think jo doesn’t work tuesdays and thursdays. she works weekends. i think.
i think i’m supposed to have photos taken guaranteed once a month and august third was my last photo shoot. so they’ll have to find SOMETHING for me for photos by labor day. i don’t think they’ll use anything of mine.
okay, the last interview for today just left from talking to willis.
they have this madonna cd for models to tunway walk to and it’s on every day. i thought it was cool when i first heard it . i haven’t even been here a week now and i’m bored with it.
saw vanek last night. he read at red lion. i forgot how good his voice was with reading his stories. it’s good to hear him and kirsten again. both vanek and one of the models today are 6’2”. cool. i like tall men.
i thinkit’s cute that john is 6’3.5”. and left-handed. if we had kids they would all be tall left-handed people.
that is, if we had kids.
that’s another story for another time.
oh, wait, there are more auditions now. madonna is still playing. “why are you good for this company?” “blach blah blah blah.” “who cares?” “no idea. just like me, please.” “okay, you’re in. we have no talent here anyway.” “well, i should fit right in then.”
so this is the way my life is. fun fun fun. it’s still interesting to sit here and see how the men act who want to model. usually they’re cocky. they think they’re god’s gift. or else they’re clods, like i am.
like i was.
i think some of them are good ones, because because they don’t have a big head about it.
shit, madonna is still playing for the individual interviews the follow the walk-up camera auditions. the first woman is a body builder and WAS going to be a systems analyst. well, i wasn’t going to be a body builder, but i was going to do the money money money route.
but i hated it.
oh well.
i’m going to eat after these interviews are over. just so i don’t have to eat in the laundry room.
there is so much i would rather be doing than this shit.
then again, i’d like to never need money again as well.
shit.
(suh)est-luh-vigh, as we poorly say here in america.
poorly put in some ways john is giving me so much - chances at monsanto for work, respect, freedom and space, internet space and knowledge, even an email address (if i can get him to get enteract to send him a mac cd of installers). he had made me feel beautiful. he has worked when i can’t get a job or keep a job or get one that has ANY respectability in it; when i can’t keep a job in my industry.
if he could get the mac chooser extension (i mean, control panel) forthe metrology printer, like would be SO easy.
then i wouldn’t have to purchase quark for windows.
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have to finish that fucking examine the files chapter soon. started - i mean, continue - working on it today, but i am only 1/2 way through it.
now i’m at the front desk again and i hate being here.
really.
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12:47 p.m. 57 seconds
i still hate it here. i’m guarding the front desk in the front room by sitting here and can’t go to the washroom unless chantene sits here. this sucks. i’m doing nothing and i have to act - oh, wait - and i’m SUPPOSED to act like this isn’t mind-numbing.
mind-numbing. i like that word. hyphenated, even.
it’s kind of like how i felt in the hospital, i know i wasn’t better then, but my brain was functioning and it worked well enoughto know that i always felt mentally raped.
mentally raped. that is another good one. i have to remember that.
