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Order this writing in the collection book Evolution available for only 1395 or as a download for only 495 |
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Get this Janet Kuypers writing in vol. 4 (the 2010 book) of her writing in cc&d: Pulled the Trigger Click on the back cover or the text below for the 5.5" x 8.5" paperback ISSN# book |
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get the June 2014 108 page cc&d magazine 2003-2009 anniversary issue supplement collection 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback book:
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Order this writing in the poetry book by Janet Kuypers: Rape, Sexism, Life & Death Order this 6" x 9" ISBN# book today:
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| scenarios 2000
Janet Kuypers August 4, 2000 I have thought of you, in the past I have thought of you before, and I usually imagined you in one of two scenarios: One was that I had a gun to you, that for once I was the one in control even though I hate guns this was one of the ways in my head and you were on the ground looking up at me and I was standing over you and braced myself stiff and straight because no one was going to beat me this time and I pointed the gun at you with both arms and I have no idea what I said to you and I have no idea how we got to this position all I know was that you couldn’t hurt me I don’t know what I did with that gun I don’t know if there was any resolution to the story but this is one of the ways I have thought of you only one The Other Scenario was that you tried to kill me I was at a bar and I saw you come in, but you didn’t see me so I asked the bartender to act like I was never here and I made my way to the bathroom I borrowed a scarf from a girl in there and I put on my glasses and I got up the courage to go out to the bar again I had no idea where my male friends were I felt so alone I mean, I borrowed a scarf from a stranger in the washroom but I thought, it’s now or never, you think you look silly wearing sunglasses in a bar well, think that you look like Jackie O and you look elegant and fantastic and no one can tell you otherwise and so I left the washroom and I made my way back to the bar You had walked up to the bar right to where I was sitting before and you pulled out a high school photo of me and asked the bartender if I looked familiar and the bartender said that he never saw the girl in that photo and you left one hand on the bar and you started to lean back and it gave me the change to give the bartender another tip and while you were back I saw my friends and one of them spotted me and they decided to yell over the people at me saying my name, saying that they were looking for me and you turned toward me when you heard my name and I couldn’t help but stare right at you when you did it and I didn’t know what to do next My friends came over right away and all I could think was that I didn’t have to be alone for this battle with you any more and under any other circumstance I would have yelled at them for screaming out my name or walking over to me and taking my glasses off but you were right there and I had no time to react and be angry at them I was just relieved so I started talking to them and you came up and I acted surprised and within thirty seconds I turned to get a beer and I leaned with a friend and I told him I saw a gun on you at your waist and could they please tell the bartender and he did I wanted to be able to introduce you as a rapist but I knew you had a gun and I knew I had to play my cards right but within five minutes the cops came in, walked up to the bartender and he pointed you out I started to walk away I said I had to go to the bathroom I wanted to make sure you couldn’t grab me or take me hostage or kill me the cops apparently didn’t do anything to you your gun must have been legal so they told you to leave the bar one of my friends knew who you were so they told the rest of my guy friends to meet you outside I waited inside long enough to give that scarf back to that stranger but all I know was that it look like you hated me when you left and I just watched to make sure this enemy went away and never came back and maybe I could heal then one of my friends came back to the bar told me I had to see this so I went outside with them and saw the bloody heap they reduced you to and they all stood in a circle and looked at me as if they were waiting for me to deal the last blow so so I kicked you once in the stomach I thought that I didn’t want to be the one who killed you by kicking you in the face God, I’m an idiot that way why couldn’t I have done more? am I too nice or am I a baby or do I want to blame someone else? So I left it at one kick and I leaned toward your face and I said you were a rapist and I don’t think you heard me but I didn’t care and I got up and started to leave Someone asked me, should we just leave him here? And I said, “Leave WHO?” and they understood and walked with me these are the ways I think of you they are the only ways, just so you know |
