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the perils of lovemaking

this report is brought to us
by Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD,
a retired urologist in West Chester, Pennsylvania

Dr. Morton was called to the emergency room
because a pale 40 year old male patient there
“needed a doctor who took care of men’s troubles”

after the nurses left, the doctor removed
two or three yards of stained gauze
wrapped around his scrotum

swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit,
his tender left scrotum even had a jagged,
pus and blood filled zig-zag laceration

after seeing dark lines, the petient explained
that days earlier he injured himself in the machine shop
with a heavy-duty stapling gun

those dark lines were one-inch wallboard staples

he was admitted to the hospital,
got tetanus antitoxin, antibacterial therapy,
and pre-surgery baths

eight staples were removed during surgery and
his left testes was missing. after the surgery,
the patient told Dr. Morton the entire story.

the patient was an unmarried loner who didn’t
leave the shop for lunch with the male coworkers.
but when he was alone every day for lunch,

he would masturbate with his penis against
the canvas of a machine’s drive-belt. but one fatal day,
as he approached orgasm he got too close to the belt

it threw him in the air, an apparently took
his left testes with it. He couldn’t tell his coworkers,
so he stapled his wound and returned to work.

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