I Want To Get Out Of Here
Janet Kuypers, 09/14/06 #3
I think it’s easier to cope with trauma
when you’ve got other things on your mind,
whn you have to go back to a job
and start living your life again
it makes it easier to push
all of the bad emotions
you don’t want to think about
our of your mind
I mean, I don’t think I’d cry less
or be less emotional about my mother’s death
if I got back home, to her house for a while
and I think being here all this time
makes it harder
I’m here with dad at their house right now
and my flight was scheduled for me to be here
for eighteen days, and that’s a long time
but dad needed me here
so I’ve been helping him with paperwork:
he has to remove mom’s name from titles,
deal with insurance, get tax paperwork
get death certificates and stand in lines
so I’ve gone with him to all of these places
and I think he’s wanted to have someone
with him while he has to take care
of all of these things that remind him
that his wife is dead
but I think the most important thing
is that he has wanted me to just be staying
at the house here, at least for these two,
two and a half weeks, so he wouldn’t feel
so alone
and while I’m here, just walking around
this little retirement neighborhood
most everyone here reminds me
that my mother is dead, they give their
condolences, they all say that it’s so good
that I could be here for my dad
and well, I’m here, i’m glad someone
is happy about that
I mean, I like this area and all, but
I start to go stir crazy, even if the weather
is nice and I son’t have all this work
to do at home, but being here right now
is only a constand reminder that
makes me feel like a part of me is
a trapped animal in a cage
I talk to my husband on the phone
and I know that there’s a light at the end
opf the tunnel, and I know I’m flying home
soon, but I think I want to get back
to my life, so I can get myself away
from one more thing that makes me think
about me mom.