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the One Thing the Government
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the one thing the government still has no control over

Just Let Her Rest

Janet Kuypers, 09/11/06 #4

it was heavy
heavy the way I felt
after I let the news sink in
that my mother died

my sister told me
to take mom’s ashes

ashes of her coffin,
and ashes of the dress
she wore to my wedding

the ashes were so heavy

so we were at Fuller Funeral Home today
and we asked if the ashes were ready

they brought mom to us
a smaller container,
a larger container
sealed tightly

along with all the necessary paperwork
to prove that yes,
these are my mother’s ashes
this is really it

and I carried mom out to the car
with my dad
so we could bring mom home
one more time

mom sat in my lap at first,
then at my feet
for a safer journey

she’s resting on my bed right now
all tightly wrapped up
like she was covered, in a blanket
because she used to get cold

there are a few polyester/
cotton button-down tops
we keep in the hallway closet
you know, for additional warmth
for mom

we kept them in the closet still
because the kids visit
and I’ve even been wearing one of them
because I get cold
in the air conditioning
in the afternoons here

we keep some of these things around
like her crocheted blankets
because she’d get cold sometimes

and maybe I can think
she’s resting now on my bed
her ashes in plastic
like a blanket around her
to keep her warm
and to keep her together

###

I probably sound delirious
talking this way
but saying these things
makes it easier to handle right now

I don’t want to think
that my mother’s remains
are now only ashes
in a plastic bag
closed with a little white twist-tie
in a cardboard box
on top of my bed

I don’t want to think of it that way
really

I’d rather think
she’s resting now
before I bring her back
to where she used to live

she’s my mom
I even just had to put her
under the blankets
you know, with a little room at the top
her her head
wherever it may be

I even had to put my arms around her
like I wanted to do
while she was still alive,
dying
so I even put my arms around her
and cried

so give her a rest
she’s needed it for so long
just let her rest



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