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She’s Made Her Choice

Janet Kuypers, 06/08/06

the doctors say it’s her choice
and she’s decided

but it seems more like she’s resigned herself
because she’s lost the will to live now

she doesn’t want to get up
why should she? she thinks

and she’s been fighting this cancer like mad
she was feeling better

she was running errands, cooking
people were amazed at her recovery

and now the doctors tell her
chemo won’t work any more

and she doesn’t want to go back
to the hospitals

she’s tired of the fight
so she made her choice

but

but I know that people who fight
who want to live

they have a better chance
of lasting longer

mind over matter,
so to speak

and we come from a strong lot,
her and I

I almost died
and I fought like Hell

I wasn’t about to let them win
by killing me

and I told her that her father,
when the doctors gave him

six months to live
he lived to six years

and she fought cancer a decade ago
breast cancer, a radical hysterectomy

and she went to the doctor
for her annual check-up appointments

and she had a clean bill of health
she beat it this time

but then the doctors say it’s common
with her history

to get leukemia ten years later
because you see, that cancer

has to find another angle
to get you

I guess its nicer to call it leukemia
than cancer of the blood

but it figures, okay, they’ll just remove me
from the organ I attack

so i’ll go for the blood this time
can’t get rid of me then

so

so my mother has made this decision
this decision to die

no, wait, let me correct myself,
she’s resigned to die

and she’s letting her soul slip away,
I think

she’s choosing to let it go
and

and the rest of us aren’t ready
to lose her yet

but it looks like she’s decided
to just die, get it over with

and we want to see her more, we
want her to fight

damnit, that woman fought before
even with the leukemia

they said she was in recovery
and although she tired easily,

she was on her own for months,
doing well

because she thought the battle
was over, and she won again

but now they’ve told her the battle
isn’t won, but she has the choice

to keep trying, or to not fight it
well, she made her choice

I just wish she wouldn’t resign herself

death comes sooner that way

i don’t know if the pain
is too much for her

but I know when I almost died
I hurt like Hell,

but I fought like Hell, because
I’m a fighter, just like her

I’ve never had a fight I couldn’t win
so I’ve always fought

but I’ve never faced a fight to the death
but in a way, this kills me

knowing that someone so strong
just resigned

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