Well, I Didn’t Think About It
Janet Kuypers, 02/22/07
I’m used to going to Florida
on a flight by myself
to see my parents,
I don’t know how many times I’ve done it,
walk through Fort Myers airport
where you can feel your clothes
your heavy pants, your layers of shorts
sticking to your back, your legs
as you walk your way
through the Florida humidity
tower over the tourists
making their way through that long hallway
and whenever I’d walk through that airport
I’d get out of the passenger-only terminal
and a mass of older people would be waiting there
I’d look through the crowd
find the ball of hair I recognize
and see mom waiting for me
while dad waited with the car
outside for my luggage to come around
well, I didn’t think about it
when I came to Florida
right after my mom died,
but here I am now, planning a trip
to Florida to see my father
because he hates being alone
and us kids take turns
to keep him company
well, I didn’t think about it,
but when my flight landed in Fort Myers
on Valentine’s Day
(flights are cheaper on Valentine’s Day,
so I kissed my love good-bye
and left Chicago)
well, I didn’t think about it,
but I walked down the terminal
and got to where people are waiting
for their arrivals
and I saw a woman,
she didn’t look like my mom,
but I saw one woman standing there alone
like mom would be doing for me
when she was alive
and it just made me stop in my tracks
no, I didn’t think anyone looked like my mom
but this is the strangest thing,
to be here, in an airport
trying to catch my breath
###
when it floods me,
it’s usually when I’m out, maybe at a bar,
where something comes up
to make me think about my mom again,
and make me miss her all over again
and that’s what I have to clean myself up
because I’m out in public,
and this isn’t the time or place
to fall apart
but now, here I am
in the most public of places
and she has to come to me like this now
when I’m alone
and no one can tell me to stop thinking about it
and no one can tell me that it’s okay
and everything will be all right
well, it will never be all right
but you have to say that anyway
I’m used to having these memories come to me
when I cam prepared to fight it away
not now,
not like this
not at this inopportune time
when I think everything is okay
and I’m not thinking about it anymore
