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This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN#/ISBN# issue/book “Mask” cc&d, v294 (the Feb. 2020 issue) Order the 6"x9" paperback book: 
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Order this Janet Kuypers writing from her poetry book Every Event of the Year (Volume One: January-June) Order this 200+ page 7½" x 9¼" ISBN# book today of select poetry for holidays and events spanning the first half of the calendar year
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Order this writing in the issue book Aiming at Immortality the cc&d Feb.-April 2020 magazine issues collection book |
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get the 322 page Feb.-April 2020 cc&d magazine 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback book:
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| Queasy Feeling
Janet Kuypers 2/24/19, written on World Sword Swallowers Day I wanted to swallow swords today, I wanted to feel the long blade sliding down my esophagus, wiggling past my diaphragm, and touching that sharpened blade tip to the opening of my stomach. Almost as if the sword is knocking, asking if it can come in. Please. I wanted to swallow those swords to mask the queasy feeling I have, like my insides have felt shredded since you left. My stomach’s been doing somersaults, turning without you, so maybe that sword would shock me into being calm again, would force me to control my breath and be at peace. Be at peace, isn’t that a lark, to think that I’ll slide swords down my throat to get my mind on anything other than you, gone. But you see, it’s meditation, choosing to swallow sword after sword, to force me to focus on nothing other than controlling everything about me, right down to my breath. I’ll focus on this one thing, the only thing I can control — until my mind can be free to clear the way for getting you back to me. It seems ludicrous, this sword swallowing, but it is nothing compared to the pain that has been deep within me since you have been gone. I’ll dissect me until I can see an us, as a forever we. |
