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some people want to believe


so we were sitting there at
denny’s in some suburb of
detroit, i don’t know which
suburb it was, but we were
there at like ten in the morning
eastern standard time, i was
grabbing a bite to eat before
i crossed the ambassador bridge
and travelled into canada. you
know, i really only associate
places like denny’s with
travelling now, i always
stop at some place like denny’s
only when taking a road trip
and just stopping for some
food. i think if i went into a
denny’s and i wasn’t travelling,
i’d get really confused. well,
anyway, like i said, we were at
denny’s, and it was morning, so
the both of us got breakfast.
being a vegetarian, i ordered
eggs with hash browns and toast,
right? and the waitress says
to me, like they always do in
some no-name town in the middle
of america, “yuh don’t want any
MEAT?”, like it’s so unheard of
to not eat meat at breakfast.
so i say, no, no meat, thank you,
and then my friend orders pretty
much the same thing, and we
sit for a while, and talk and
stuff, and then the food comes.
so then she asks me, “you’re a
vegetarian, right?” and i say,
yes, and then she goes, but
you’re eating chicken.
and i’m just like, well, no, i’m
not, an egg is an animal by-product,
not animal flesh, and i was about
to say that that was the difference
between being a vegetarian and
being a vegan, and she says,
“but if a chicken sat on it long
enough, it would become
a chicken.”
and i’m just like, well, no, it’s
an unfertilized egg, there was
never a rooster around that hen,
so it could never become a chicken.
and she’s like, well, it’s a
chicken, though,
and she just couldn’t think
that this wasn’t a chicken. and
i’m just thinking, my god, does
she really think that a chicken can
lay eggs without them being
fertilized? like only worms and
stuff can procreate
without two sexes present. so
our voices start getting a little
louder, and then it ends up where
i’m saying “so are you having an
abortion every time you have a
menstrual cycle? are men who
have wet dreams mass murderers?”
and she’s looking away and saying
“i’m not listening to you -”

and then i realized that some
people, with logic thrown in their
face, will still believe what
they want to believe.

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