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(recovery)
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Evolution

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Laying the
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of Janet Kuypers poetry read on separate occasions
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 the Cana-Dixie Chi-town Union
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Pulled the Trigger
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Elemental 		Elemental
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Chaotic Elements
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Well, What About Me

Janet Kuypers, November 28, 1998


How can I say goodbye to you
when you don’t even know I was looking for you
when you weren’t even listening

have I been letting myself down
all this time
have I been hoping for something that wasn’t there

I’ve just wanted to be alive
and I don’t know if that means anything to you

people tell me they care

and you know, if I died
they’d cry for a few days and
then they would get
used to the fact that I was gone

yes, I’ve thought of that
the person that thinks too much
who is a perfectionist

I know you want to make everything better for everyone
I know you want everyone to be happy
I know you want to try to do everything
so that everyone is appeased

but what about me?

I’ve wanted those things
and that doesn’t mean I get them

I don’t know what to do anymore for your problems
and I don’t know that if I had planned
on spending the rest of my life with you
if you would change

I can’t be your beacon anymore
I need a beacon for me, you know
and it’s not going to be just anyone
because I want too much

but I’m trying to learn
that that beacon isn’t going

to be you anymore, either

I know what you have to do to make your life better
but I can’t tell you that
because I have to draw the time somewhere
because I’m tired of giving all the time
and getting nothing in return



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