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Big Hair and Fire Don’t Mix

Janet Kuypers

This reporter could agree that people in the world
exist like this. Though we have no photographic
evidence, we can state that there was a woman
who was five feet tall if she was lucky, and she had
long permed brown hair. The long hair pretty-much
stayed down, except for her bangs, for this woman
decided to use enough hair spray to make her bangs
(which were about as long as her face) stand
perfectly straight up from her forehead. All we can hope
is that she had stock in the hair spray company, so
her hair spray usage might actually be a good
investment for her. Maybe she wanted it to look
like she was taller, we don’t know, but we were witness
to hair like this, and we can testify that there are
people in the universe who choose to do things like this
to their hair regularly.
But this latest was reported by Mike Lazarchuk,
based in Michigan:

Jackie’s girl used a lot of hair spray regularly and
one day, after making sure, and I quote Mike,
“her hornet’s nest,” stayed together, she lit a match
to light a cigarette. Reports are that the flame hit
her hair
and set her head on fire.
Jackie’s girl was in the burn center of the hospital
for six weeks as her head blistered and scarred.
All she was able to do was use the remote control
in her hospital room as she recovered and watch
all of the pretty faces on the soap operas.

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