There are many things that make me angry. But underneath it all, there is a reason for me to go on. I could spend the rest of my life alone, I could find no one who would want to weather out the days with me. Every once in a while I find someone who is worth the struggle, someone who tells me the truth, someone who lives by the same rules as I do. In all my life, in all that I’ve seen, I’ve found one man who lives by those thruths, who acts that way. I thought I thought I found another, and they continually let me down. That’s what society does for you, I suppose. I found another. I found someone who lived the way I do. He loved the same things and I did and got aggravated at the same things that I did. He didn’t push it, he knew when to stop badgering someone, so he, like me, was used to being alone. When you see a glimmer of that, you think, he must be right. There must be someone out there like me.
The truth is a powerful tool. If you want to believe what someone says, well, you just believe it. And with that you carry all the baggage that you don’t like thinking about, but that’s okay, you think that at least you have the basics covered. Even if you don’t have the basics covered, sometimes the answers aren’t there, sometimes you’re lied to so you can only believe what you want to believe - what you can deduce is the truth.
And you know, there are so many times where people have told me something to make me feel better. Well, maybe that leaves some people
It’s strange to have ideas. I think it’s strange because no one thinks about their ideas or their morals. Am I the only one? Well maybe. And maybe I’m meant to be alone. I know everyone will tell me I’m not meant to be alone, that I could have any one I wanted. But I don’t want everyone. There are very few people that I like. And they are the ones that hurt me when they let me down.
But the thing is, sometimes you see that glimmer of hope, and before you’re told otherwise, you think that this is a good move and you found someone you like. If only there was someone out there to inform you of bad choices you can make, or choices in things that you haven’t made yet, or maybe if we only had a little angel telling us, “You know, that wasn’t a good idea. Get over it.”
Maybe that’s what we need. Sometimes it’s hard for us to notice all the things that we want to change and all the things we want to do. And sometimes, even when we have all the right ideas, we can still make bad decisions.
Is it possible to make bad decisions? Yes. I have done it. Usually I don’t talk about my bad decisions with people, I think of them as just stepping stones, ways to remember all the mistakes I made and all the problems I had.
Well, now that I think about it, maybe we don’t need an angel watching over us all the time. Maybe we just have to depend on ourselves. It gets to be a lot of work, doing things for yourself, but it is possible, if you’re willing to try.
I think you just have to get a point in your head where you can’t take any more of something, and that’s when you just have to cut the ties short. Where you have to look at things and think, yes, you misjudged things, Eric is not the man of your dreams, get over it, accept the fact that you’re going to be alone, and move on. Well, I just made up a scenarion with the name Eric here, maybe you need to think about someone else and what they’ve done to you.
Because I could tell you about the pain that people have given to me. But some of it might have been my own pain, because I wanted to believe that everything was right.
Believing that everything is right is not always the answer. Over the past few years I’ve learned that there’s no consolation in knowing the answer you have is not always the right answer. So maybe the key is to come up with a few answers. And don’t ever put all your hopes into just one answer.
