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Eric Bonholtzer
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Duality, Janet Kuypers - cover


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The Same For You 2005

Janet Kuypers

started 11/26/98, converted to prose 09/28/05

    There are certain things I’ve learned in life, and the are certain things I have wanted. And I’ve gotten used to never getting what I want. I’m used to that now.
    And yes maybe my standards are different from the average guy’s standards (you would have to ask the average guy that).
    And I am at the point where I am getting used to not getting married when I want to — I mean, at the rate I am going I may just not get married, I guess. And yes, I have been told that you must be a lucky guy because you get the chance to hold me and give me attention and all that other gushy stuff, but you have not wanted to take that chance.
    That is something I have learned too
    And you kissed me last night and I kissed you too and for me, well, that was with all the hassle and aggravation of not being around you. Maybe it is not the same for you I do not know. Well, we made the comical references of having sex for hours, and we knew we were both saying it in jest, and so nothing ever happened.
    And maybe that is the way it is got to be.

***


    I have learned to deal with a lot of things in my life — some are good, some are bad... but now all I want is some good news and I want you to fill in the pieces and make everything better for me. And maybe you do not have the answers. Well, I know I don’t have the answers and maybe you have problems that you are fed up with and maybe I want to make all those problems go away for you and maybe you worry about things that you should not worry about because of our miscommunications.

***


    I told you that maybe it was the accident, maybe it was my lack of a car, maybe it was my desperate need for attention, well, attention from you (you know what I mean), but I told you that I wanted to be held. And I noticed that after I told you that you held me more, and you hugged me more, and maybe it is just me reading into things, and maybe you were actually thinking of me. Well, either way, thank you for that because there are only so many times where I got nothing from you before I lose my mind
    Yes, we didn’t have the night of my dreams and yes, I ask too many questions to you sometimes and maybe it is for the best that last night was not the night of my dreams.
    Because I have to get used to that, you know.



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