Order this writing in the 2010 6" x 9" ISBN# book Dual
of Janet Kuypers poetry converted to prose, based on 1990s chapbooks
from GAD Publishing Company of Kuypers: “Drop.” and “Roll.”
What Makes Me Real
(Not To Share My Dreams Again) 2005
written in the fall of 1998, converted to prose 09/28/05
Janet Kuypers
There are things about my brain that I can’t help but like... Well, I like having one, for instance and I like making my mind work and I like thinking and it is what makes me real. And I am so angry. I know people think it is strange for me to be angry about what has happened to me. Yeah, I know I can think, well, I lost my car and I lost time I could have been doing what I wanted to do with all this time. But it is the loss of my brain that makes me so angry.
Yes, I know, I’ve still got it I’ve still got my brain but someone tried to take that away from me.
My mind is what makes me who I am, and it offends me that I had to fight the unseen forces to get it back. No one understands this struggle. Everyone has different ideals from me. But I’m telling you, this is what hurts.
And no, I don’t hold this against anyone. I try not to hold it against the people that did this to me, because I know this was an accident (that’s what they tell me) and I know it could have been worse.
But a part of me is gone.
And yes, I got most everything back. I even gained the memories from all this (except for the short-term memory loss from that fateful day), but I still had to lose all this time. And maybe there’s nothing I can do to get that back, so I can still be angry at that. I can still feel anger and resentment, and everyone may think I’m thinking that way because I’m a cold, insensitive bitch.
well, let them think whatever their little minds want. I’ll just remember not to share my dreams again.
