Order this writing in the 2010 6" x 9" ISBN# book Dual
of Janet Kuypers poetry converted to prose, based on 1990s chapbooks
from GAD Publishing Company of Kuypers: “Drop.” and “Roll.”
Just Let Her Rest 2010
Janet Kuypers (poetry converted to prose)
it was heavy: heavy the way I felt after I let the news sink in that my mother died. my sister told me to take mom’s ashes — ashes of her coffin, and ashes of the dress she wore to my wedding.
the ashes were so heavy.
so we were at Fuller Funeral Home today and we asked if the ashes were ready. they brought mom to us a smaller container, a larger container sealed tightly, along with all the necessary paperwork to prove that yes, these are my mother’s ashes this is really it. I carried mom out to the car with my dad, so we could bring mom home one more time.
mom sat in my lap at first, then at my feet for a safer journey.
she’s resting on my bed right now all tightly wrapped up like she was covered, in a blanket because she used to get cold. there are a few polyester/cotton button-down tops we keep in the hallway closet you know, for additional warmth for mom. we kept them in the closet still because the kids visit and I’ve even been wearing one of them because I get cold in the air conditioning in the afternoons here. we keep some of these things around like her crocheted blankets because she’d get cold sometimes. and maybe I can think she’s resting now on my bed, her ashes in plastic like a blanket around her to keep her warm and to keep her together.
I probably sound delirious talking this way, but saying these things makes it easier to handle right now. I don’t want to think that my mother’s remains are now only ashes in a plastic bag closed with a little white twist-tie in a cardboard box on top of my bed. I don’t want to think of it that way really. I’d rather think she’s resting now, before I bring her back to where she used to live.
she’s my mom... I even just had to put her under the blankets, you know, with a little room at the top her her head wherever it may be. I even had to put my arms around her like I wanted to do while she was still alive, dying... so I even put my arms around her and cried.
so give her a rest. she’s needed it for so long. just let her rest.
