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Down in the Dirt (v132) (the October 2015 Issue)




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on the mend

Janet Kuypers
9/23/14

    Rushing to the bathroom every two minutes is not</I> the way to spend every morning. For over three weeks I have been sick, swallowing over the counter pills in the evenings to alleviate the symptoms. Changing my diet a few times, I spent two and a half weeks trying to see if my</I> food brought this sickness on, but nothing did the trick. Finally getting to the doctor’s office, they took samples from almost every orifice to hyper-analyze me.
    Everything in my blood seemed to be okay (I didn’t realize my blood could give me stats on my calcium, potassium, or sodium, I just thought it was some innocuous bluish liquid flowing through my veins like I was royalty or something), but one of the science-y medical tests came back telling me I had a rare aeromonas caviae complex.
    What?
    Like I wanted to know, but it’s a rod-shaped bacteria that’s extremely</I> toxic.
    Lovely.
    So the medical people give me a prescription to kill this</I> bacteria, and suggested I take a pro-biotic. Because apparently some bacteria are good, and some bacteria are bad.
    (So I’ve learned in this sickening venture that my blood tells me about what I’ve eaten, and that I should eat</I> some bacteria, and kill</I> other bacteria in me. Lovely.)
    Aggravating as this has been, there may be an end in sight, so I went to the local druggist and got my prescription to kill some toxic bacteria in me. I may have a week to wait for this medication to save me, so I still get to deal with the sickness... But that’s when He came to me to show concern for my condition. He went to a store and bought another live</I> pro-biotic for me (because I can’t get enough of certain</I> bacteria, I suppose) — but He thought that I needed a sweet treat to lift my spirits.
    Now, I should probably explain that I love</I> some sweets. I’m really psycho for certain</I> candies, like Chewy Sprees or dark chocolate mint M&Ms or Charleston Chews... But I have so much resolve (you know, to not stuff my face and gain a ton of pounds from my sugar overdose) that when I get these candies, I savor them slowly and make them last as long as I possibly can. I mean, here’s an example: I snack on one or two dark chocolate mint M&Ms by taking one M&M and biting it in half</I> to savor it twice.</I>
    So when He came to “lift my spirits”, He also brought a mini-bag of the vegan marshmallows called “Dandies”. (Yeah, they are</I> dandy, and yeah, He found these rarely-seen gelatin-free treats, and I mean, how often do people get the chance to just enjoy the texture of a good marshmallow?)
    I know I’m a vegetarian, and I know how hard it is to find things like vegan marshmallows, so yeah, He really helped to get me on the mend.



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