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DELBERT’S DEBUT

burchill delbert


��It’s disaster time, something I had avoided for decades, a family reunion. My sister had insisted I be there for her grandson’s one-year birthday party. Since the whole family would be at her house, I as the oldest member of said family, had relented. So here I was in a house full of kids, babies, and people I didn’t remember ever seeing before.I figured I would stay awhile, say some hellos and beat it.
��Being naturally shy I found a corner and dug in.
��Sipping my drink I thought, God, times sure have changed.
��“Uncle Jim, how are you?“ Screamed a young lady.
��“Jeff, look it’s Uncle Jim.“
��Another stranger came over, shook my hand and asked.
��“Uncle Jim, what are you doing now? It must be tough since Aunt Gert died?“
��“Nothing,“ I said. “ Yes, I sure miss aunt Gert. Excuse me, there’s someone I have to see.“ Holy jeez,I thought. Who the hell were they, and who the hell is aunt Gert?
��A thoroughly ugly young man came up and said, “ Hello Uncle Jim, I’m your nephew Charles. “
��“Yes, yes Charley,“ I said. “How are you? “
��So this was Charley. I remember my mother saying, on learning of his pious ways, “why the hell can’t he be like the rest of us?“
��Getting rid of this sanctimonious dude, I thought I would say my good-byes and scram.
��“Uncle Jim, here’s the birthday boy,“ cried another demented soul.
��“Yes, yes fine boy, fine lad,“ I said.
��“Here, hold him,“ said the strange person. “ I have to help mom in the kitchen.“ Thrusting the baby in my arms she ran off.
��“Well, partner,“ I said. let’s sit down.“
��Getting a look at the guest of honor. I thought, “He has the coldest eyes I ever saw on a human being. This baby looks like a vicious W.C. Fields.“
��It grabbed my tie with a death grip, yanking with all its compact might. Leaning over, I whispered into the little fiends ear. “Let go, or I’ll break your nose.“
�� The baby let go, looked at me with those deadly eyes, and with his lip curled, he gurgled something in ancient Gaelic. Then he smiled and put his arms around me.
��A man’s voice above me said, “ thanks Uncle Jim. I’ll take Delbert now.“
��“Who the hell are you?“ I snarled.
��“I’m Jack,“ he answered,“you know Marcie’s husband.“
��I started to hand the baby over to this nerd, when little Delbert wrapped his body around me.
��“You’ll get this kid over my dead body,“ I said as I stood up and left whomever he was standing there.
��“Oh, there you are,“ said the woman who had given me Delbert, who was now nuzzling my ear.
��Reluctantly, I handed the cold-eyed villain over.
��“Well, I have to go, see you,“ I said. As I reached the door, the woman holding Delbert said. “Uncle Jim, would you like to baby-sit Delbert?“
��Looking into Delbert’s hard, ice-cold eyes, catching the perpetual sneer on his lips.
��I said, “you bet I would.“



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