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Order this writing
in the Charlie Newman
May 2010 cc&d
poetry collection book

“Deckard Kinder/
Charlie Newman”

Deckard Kinder/Charlie Newman
SYCOPHANCY

deckard kinder


the distance between us grew
overwhelming
somehow you survived
[a few bruises maybe but none-the-worse for wear]
careful planning has its virtues
rules of thumb their vices
I didn't fare so well
fads and fashion always had their way with me
in time I became a whore for them
cruising the strut like a pro
exploring parts of me better left unknown
tearing away at myself like an old junkie
or simply wasting away day by day
and on the street?
suckers marks johns
pimps pushers players
insatiable bastards feeding feeding feeding
relentless
interminable
tenacious
no-account motherfuckers
on the make
the distance between us exploded
overnight
nobody knew of course
except for those who
saw me drunk
or stoned
which could have been anybody
not that I cared
I was someone else at the time
synthetic when possible
foraging whatever zen I could find
like a bag lady behind Kroger
all bone shivers
the distance between us was yours
the distance between us was mine
everlastingly fragile as our love
regardless of my excesses
you remained strong
wrenching joy from misery
glancing from side to side
dancing like a wooden katheryn murray
ruthlessly in rhythm
little traces of blood on your teeth
ergonomically perfect
museum pure
overcome by a guilt I never knew
every move a masterpiece
yet not quite right
the distance between us grew
slowly
groping for closure [or exposure]
slowly
enveloping all we were
slowly
evaporating our fragile little fantasy
duplicating nothing so much as soap opera
tragedy on the sleazy side
extravagant melodrama played to the cheap seats
overpriced oversold overstated
kept at arms length
despite your longings
yielding to nothing I offered
deferred
erased
discontinued
romantic mumbo jumbo cast aside
seductively
erotically
savagely
[grand exit: stage left]
year one:
everyone was excited animated eager
year two:
most died
hell filled up and froze over
the distance between us no longer mattered
exquisite plaything followed exquisite plaything
when the world closed in
everyone moved out
the distance between us was no longer an issue
when the world around us tested our will to believe
year three:
everyone who still lived hid
year four:
escape became impossible
year five:
all I did was look for you
even as others looked for me
sabotage and sacrilege marked calendars
damage control nonexistent
hearts on hold
souls temporarily discontinued
devastation wherever I looked
[even within]
year six:
tender angels swept through
even though only as tourists
regardless: it was a sign
or a symbol
drifters no longer came to the door
romance appeared imminent
drenched in sweat
gullible guiltless grotesque
nobody said word one
the distance between us
evaporated
due to powers beyond our control
rites of spring rituals from hell
extinction threatened in every breeze
suggestions clues signals from your heart
the distance between us crumbled
disintegrated
nothing to do but pray
extraneous acts
held onto like treasure
sequestered
nursing wounds that would not heal
lying in the face of redemption
removing this shortcut or that
the distance between us
eviscerated me
selective naivete
discriminating guile
laboriously applied
eagerly denied
the distance between us
didn't make a difference
you lived as always
subtle sophisticated sensuous
every breath a ballet
despite a shambled past
looking back proved irresistible
nothing you said deterred me
there was no stopping me
selective amnesia
elective obsessions
subliminal addictions
exposed nerves
surreptitious isms
tarnished silver linings
too much history to make up for
evolution without redemption
and you [always in me]
suggesting an elegant escape
relegating distance to a dark corner
no worthy lover
ever deserved more
you revel in my heart



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