C RA'S TIPS FOR OPEN MIC EMCEES - #1: Our First Poet
C Ra McGuirt
i've been pretending to run this gathering of poets
for going on six years,
& one of the hundreds of hardest parts
is choosing the first poet.
you don't want an old&honored hand, because
old&honored readers should be saved.
you don't want someone you personally like or dislike
because if you like them
they're sure to be pissed that you made them go first,
&, if you don't like them,
they'll assume that you made them go first
because you don't.
virgins are inappropriate:
if they've never seen anyone do it,
how can i expect THEM to do it?
& no, i can't go first:
i have to save my energy
to keep on saying
different things about old hands
& new things about virgins
while somehow trying to rip out my soul
& show it before it dies
when it comes my time to read,
& keep on introducing until the end.
but someone has to go first,
or no one gets to go, so...
welcome to open mic poetry night at the Windows.
the aisleway by which you entered is a clear exit
in the event of emergency,&so are the windows themselves.
our first poet tonight is not a virgin,
nor is he an old hand here, nor do i personally
like or dislike him, nor is he me.
since he's never read here before,
& isn't likely to be here again except by accident,
i ask that you listen very closely.
it doesn't really matter that he's famous--
that isn't the reason i'm giving him
11 minutes 41 seconds. he gets that for going first.
i would imagine that some of you are mad at him by now
& maybe mad at me
for giving this celebrity
2 times&more the time i'm giving you.
but someone has to go first,&he went first.
he went first a long time ago
to the place where you are going
after this reading
or maybe even before it's done.
so please welcome the Lizard King:
ladies&gentleman, this is called
The End.
