The Infomaniac
by Joe Speer
(Joe enters the office of Dr. Dorothy R. First)
Dr. Dirst: Hello. May I help you?
Joe: My name is Speer. I have an appointment with Dr. First at one p.m.
Dr. First: I’m Dr. First. Have a seat, Mr. Speer. I’ll just pull your file.
Joe: Thanks.
Dr. Dirst: I see by my information that you are a nymphomaniac.
Joe: No, I’m an infomaniac.
Dr. Dirst: Oh, yes. And what does this mean, Mr. Speer?
Joe: That’s what we call ourselves. The people that travel the superhighway gathering info and always on top of the latest supermodels. We are plugged in and connected to the world-wide web.
Dr. Dirst: And how did you become a nym, I mean, infomaniac?
Joe: People started asking me for my smail or phone number. Everybody wanted to contact me through e-mail. So I went on line. I started out as a casual user at a coffee house. I entered chat rooms. I love to monitor mars. Scubido.
Dr. Dirst: And did your usage increase?
Joe: Yes. I started out with just a few hits on the weekend.
Dr. Dirst: And how many hours a day do you hit?
Joe: I’m at the computer eight hours a day now.
Dr. Dirst: And do you have a job?
Joe: Yes. I work forty hours a week. When I work I mean.
Dr. Dirst: You don’t work all the time?
Joe: No. I can’t. I’m too busy on the computer.
Dr. Dirst: Well, how long has it been since you went to work, Mr. Speer?
Joe: Actually, I haven’t been to work in four days.
Dr. Dirst: Four days!
Joe: I tell you I don’t have time because I’m always on line. I hardly see my family and I have to pay a neighbor to feel my cats.
Dr. Dirst: Exactly what is your problem, Mr. Speer?
Joe: I’m addicted. This addiction is tearing my soul apart. In fact this trip to your office the longest I’ve been off line. And I’m starting to feel anxious. Can you log me in here?
Dr. Dirst: I’m sorry, Mr. Speer but my database is currently updating and my desktop is not available.
Joe: I don’t care about your updating. I want to download on your terminal now.
Dr. Dirst: All right. Calm Mr. Speer. I’ll fix you up. I’ll feed you some electronic impulses. (Dr. First turns on her computer)
Joe: (playing with the mouse) Ahhh, yes. I feel better now. Thanks Dr. First. You can turn it off now. I can make it back to my apartment without freaking out.
Dr. Dirst: I don’t think I can help you, Mr. Speer.
Joe: After a fresh hit I don’t need help. I’ll be okay. See you later, Dr. First.
Dr. Dirst: Call me back, Mr. Speer. Maybe I can recommend some virtual reality sessions. One of the many problems I face. Wait a minute. This looks interesting. Netscape. I will cancel my appointment and stay, on line. (She plays with the mousse.) Ahhh, yes. (fade out)
