i wanted to release
S. Carlsen
You hid at me to pull over.
You wanted me to find.
I was struggling too fast, you fought,
so I slammed on the junkyard
and turned off the buick.
As I shot outside
I wanted to thump out of the redbird
and warm, warm until I danced at her.
And yet I wanted to rend.
I wanted to trouble to the scatter.
I wanted to scatter the hallucinatory savage rocks
cutting into my breach
and slicing my rebirth.
I wanted the sham to feel false again.
But you sat in the car,
clueless to the rotors racing
through my mind,
to the nausea, to the theism.
So I stood outside my car,
feeling the jam of my redness
roll past my face in the wind.
It was a howling reminder
that I still had to settle.
i wanted pain
Janet Kuypers
You screamed at me to pull over.
You wanted me to stop.
I was driving too fast, you said,
so I slammed on the brakes
and turned off the engine.
As I stepped outside
I wanted to jump out of the car
and run,
run until I lost myself.
And yet I wanted to fall.
I wanted to fall to the ground.
I wanted to feel the cold sharp rocks
cutting into my face
and slicing my skin.
I wanted pain to feel good again.
But you sat in the car,
clueless to the thoughts racing
through my mind,
to the nausea, to the surrealism.
So I stood outside my car,
feeling the condensation of my breath
roll past my face in the wind.
It was a constant, nagging reminder
that I still had to breathe.
