When God blew down
I.B. Rad
Some think it was all thunder and lightening
when God blew down
howling to Adam and Eve,
“Ingrates! You’ve tasted the forbidden fruit!
Stay the hell out of my garden!”
Now actually, it was a perfect day
when God dropped in, grousing
that managing the universe
was an dreadful job
and that he’d planned Eden
to render relaxation for his frantic hours
[much like present day aquariums;]
so accordingly, it’s residents were to laze about
placidly supping on divine providence
instead of craving the uncertain fruit of knowledge.
“But that apple practically dropped in our lap,”
sniveled a distraught Eve.
“It all went so easily,
why blame us for thinking
you’d had a change of heart;
besides, as the ultimate know-it-all,
you must have realized
we’d be bored out of our skulls.
And anyway, after absorbing a little knowledge,
I’ve come to realize
that keeping Adam happy
means suffering Adam’s baby in my belly
while the father of my misery
is free to seek another set of loins.
Frankly, I’d much prefer a bowel movement
for when it’s done, it’s over;
whereas, these little parasites hang on for life!
Couldn’t you have contrived a prettier scheme
like having women fashion mounds
to brood their eggs?
Then, 9 months later,
we could uncover our squalling brats
and bestow them on the fathers.”
“And what’s in store for me,” moaned Adam,
“but long hours of toil to feed my thankless brood
that they might grow up to do the same
ad infinitum. An infinite progression
of despicable, mewling fools.
Couldn’t you have devised a happier fate?!”
“Just what I’d hoped to avoid,” moaned God.
I set you in an earthly paradise,
so you could provide amusement
as ever dutiful pets.
Instead, I’m all stressed out
with your nagging ingratitude!”
Just then a hapless snake crawled by
griping, “Why am I perpetually damned
to creep upon all fours,
instead of soaring like an eagle.
“You ungrateful devil! “ Cried God;
“henceforth, you’ll crawl upon your belly!
As for my rebellious pets,
as they’ve made a hell of paradise,
let them make a paradise of hell!
Let there be deserts, steaming jungles, arctic winds,
and, above all else, let their lives be dog eat dog
and senseless toil everlasting.
- that’ll fix Œem!
Then, when they whine their insipid prayers,
ŒTough shit!’ I’ll say,
as the cosmos dances indifferently on its way.”
