I know that there’s a part of you that always wanted to have a girl. You’ve never told me outright, but there have been plenty of clues.
When I was growing up, you were always trying to get me to let you fuss with my hair, try new styles. I, of course, being a male, would never let you.
You were absolutely heartbroken when I decided not to go to prom. You still bring it up, even to this day, when I am twenty-eight years old. We’ll see a particularly dapper man in a tuxedo, like at a wedding reception, and you’ll say, “Now see, YOU could’ve looked like that if you had gone to prom! I can’t believe you didn’t go to prom!”
You would always get really excited when we went shopping for new clothes. However, I happened to love new clothes, so that one worked out well.
Now, sometimes, you try to have female bonding moments. Once, at another wedding reception, you had a little bit to drink, and you whispered, “You know, Jason, everytime I have a glass of wine now... I have hot flashes!” And I was, “Jeez, mom, don’t tell me this stuff!”
Sometimes I want to apologize for not being a girl, or at least that you weren’t allowed to have one male child and one female. I know there’s nothing I could do about it, I know you wouldn’t accept my apology, I know you love me just as much as you would any girl. But still, sometimes, when I see you really wanting to have a female bonding moment, I want to take your hand and apologize to you for never having the chance.
